It's all Geek to Me irishtimes.com Take a look at an interesting article we found.
Have a Lot of Pun Playing with Words cantonrep.com Take a look at an interesting article we found.
Showvinism The London Times Take a look at an interesting article we found.
The country is awash in projects to get rid of supposedly outdated dams. Does that make sense, especially in the midst of an energy crisis?
September 05, 2008
Continuing our Friday humor series, that we started on National Tell a Joke day, we visit the pun.
(A mild groan is acceptable.)
First, let’s make sure we know what it is.
The dictionary says: a pun is a phrase that deliberately exploits confusion between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect.
Walter Redfern, a noted linguist, says: "To pun is to treat homonyms as synonyms. In the phrase, there is nothing punny about bad puns, the pun takes place in the deliberate confusion of the implied word "funny" by the substitution of the word "punny," a heterophone of "funny".
Puns, in case you’re still with us, can occur in all natural languages.
Now let’s down to cases.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. in,“The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table,” written in 1858, was an early pun basher.
“People who make puns are like wanton boys that put coppers on the railroad tracks. They amuse themselves and other children, but their little trick may upset a freight train of conversation for the sake of a battered witticism.”
Obvious, he couldn't make a pun to save his...wife. (See how easy it is.)
Puns do, you might be surprised, have their defenders:
Noted wit, composer and buddy of George Gershwin, Oscar Levant said: "A pun is the lowest form of humor— if you didn't think of it first."
And famed comedian Fred Allen said, “Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
The pun has been noted and (quoted) throughout history.
When the Spanish Armada was defeated, Sir Francis Drake is said to have sent the Queen one word: "Cantharides," the name of an aphrodisiac also known as "The Spanish Fly."
When Thomas Killigrew, Charles 1's court jester, said he could make a pun on any subject, the king said: "Make one on me." Killigrew replied that he couldn't because "the king is no subject."
In the 1700's, Jonathan Swift wrote, "A Modest Defence of Punning" and Thomas Sheridan, who wrote "The Art of Punning," proposed 34 rules for the use of puns.
Among his commandments was the "Rule of Interruption" (the punster may interrupt any conversation, at any time) and the "Rule Of Risibility" (the punster must be the first to laugh at his own pun).
The Pun American Newsletter, published since 1989, is committed to keeping the pun alive. I hope I'm doing my part with this classic:
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
And while I’m at it, who can resist:
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
In a recent poll to determine the world's greatest puns, Benjamin Franklin's, "We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately," was nosed out by Dorothy Parker's:
"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
(I hope that's not too racy.)
So I think we can finally put that "lowly" stuff to rest. To me, a good pun is its own reword.
And I'm sure you've been saving a few of them up, just for this intended occasion.
Shaggy Pun Test extremelysmart.com Take a look at an interesting article we found.
The Importance of Being Earnest hoboes.com Take a look at an interesting article we found.
The International Save the Pun Foundation punpunpun.com Take a look at an interesting article we found.
Puns are great. They require some intelligence and knowledge to appreciate, and are rarely ...
Sep. 05, 2008 2:19 PM
Who's your favorite wit?
18% 20% 23% 20% 11% 8%
"Said one shepherd to another upon failing his driver's test; I can't make a ewe-turn but I can make their eyes bug out"
Source unknown
Especially the real purty ones...
I firmly agree with Fred Allen that hanging is an inappropriate penalty for a pun. No noose is good noose.
That depends upon the rope.
And that reminds me of Bob Dole's answer during the 1996 presidential election. After Bill was questioned abut his underwear, Bob was asked if he wore boxers or briefs, and he replied 'depends'.
Then there was the time I was bending over to retrieve a cooking pot with which to prepare part of the holiday dinner. My husband wandered in about that time, and perceiving an opportunity, poked me where no gentleman should. I jumped, shrieked, and flung the utensil at him along with some colorful imprecations. He innocently replied that he only wished to give me my Christmas goose a bit early...
Visiting Italy, I took the opportunity to view the famous Leaning Tower of Pisa. What most people don't know is that the tower is actually a bell tower, and the bells are there to tell the time. This, from the days back when clocks didn't have hands - just bells that rang at the specified intervals, etc. All in all, I think the bell tower is a far more elegant means to know what time of day it is. Anyway, knowing that the Leaning Tower of Pisa was a clock tower sorted out the whole mystery of the "Leaning". It wasn't a mistake. Oh, no. Most people don't know this. The "Leaning" was designed in on purpose - because, what good is the time without the inclination?
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
I know, some people might think that was a cheesy story. I consider it my feta accompli...
I always loved the pun call and response during the Indian uprising. The only light moments of that horrid time.
General Napier conquered the important province of Sindh, and reportedly wired "peccavi" to headquarters-"I have sinned" in Latin. James Dalhousie, 12 years later, as governor-general of India, conquered Oude and wired, even more tersely "Vovi", or "I vowed".
Clever fellows, if it were more than cartoons in Punch.
I'm not sure if this qualifies as a pun, but it is near enough the most quick-witted response I know:
"You, Mr. Wilkes, will die either of the pox or on the gallows."
-The Earl of Sandwich
"That depends, my lord, whether I embrace your mistress or your principles."
-John Wilkes's response to The Earl of Sandwich
And of course Shakespeare had some great ones, but I'm off to bed.
Jonathan, calf rope! Ow! help!
In other words, well done...
Dorothy Parker, when told of a friend's pregnancy: "I always knew she had it in her."
Help-I'm punning and I can't shut up!
Well, that unholy quartet of punnistration got the milk and cookies out the nose! Well done, Olivia!!!
I hope you've taken your pun-ishment like a man...
And did I ever tell you about my trip to Africa? While on safari, one morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas! What he was doing in my pajamas, I'll never know...
I think I heard that story from a fellow with a wooden leg named Michael. What was the name of his other leg?!? you say...
Greetings: Sorry, but I'm busy watching Hanna and her twisters. Very punny, huh?
The Gods help us when Mssr. Peterman decides to test us on anagrams.
Mmmm-my favorite crackers!
alas, when I heard the snick of the keys in the lock, I knew I would be spending the rest of the day locked up in a punitentiary, subjected to harsh and cruel punishment
I think it's attribultable to Dorothy Parker:
If all the girls attending my high schoiol prom were laid end-to-end, I wouldn't be surprised.
I have no bluff for EElls anecdote. Help please
So, Frank Muir, on the BBC's MY WORD, was called upon to tell a story illustrating the origin of a famous phrase. One time he told this one:
A fellow in the small town of Meissen, did as so many of his neighbors did and went to work at the china and porcelain works. He decided to model an orchestra, but had few people to base his statues on, so he made them portraits of his family. Fortunately, or unfortunately, the poor man's family were all very unattractive. As a result, his figurines were mistaken for monkeys and they became the famous monkey orchestra of Meissen. He toured the world with them, standing near the display and telling anyone who would listen of the happy accident.
And so it came that he was at a recpetion in Edinburgh, where he met the poet Robert Burns. Burns listened intently to the man's tale, thought just a moment, and then remarked:
"Aye, the best laid plans of Meissen men aft go ugly."
Muir seemed to be able to do this more or less spontaneously. Flann O'Brien, writing in the Irish Times as Myles NaGopaleen often told of the two poets, Keats and Chapman who would stoop to any adventure so long as it ended in a pun.
It's so early that though I'd like to be a 'wit', I'm only half able.
Olivia the Marx Brothers Fan ~ Who would have guessed it? I know you have said that you love Classic films but I find a majority of Fans to this day don't appreciate the humor of the Marx Brothers.. It's nice to see...
Not so good with puns or humor myself. Dorothy Parker is though is one of my favorite "Acidic People" to quote though. Which in today's world is quite funny as most people don't realize how "old" the phrase really is.
Groucho was THE MAN!
Ms Parker was the most hilarious quipster.
Now people think comedy is cursing and smashing stuff-I don't get that, seems so brainless and sophomoric...
As a junior I'll yield to my seniors, but though I may be a fresh man, I sort of like being sophmoric from time to time. Perhaps some day I'll graduate to the big league, piling puns higher and deeper -- but in the meantime, I'll just have to master my skills and associate with folks who can teach me more.
A lot of people attribute this to Dorothy Parker. But it was, in fact, Ogden Nash.
Candy
Is Dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
For the abuse of the language there was none better. Another one I like:
A Word to Husbands
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Olivia I agree ~ I laugh more when watching an old "Screwball Comedy" than watching some of what passes for film comedy today.
I mean there's nothing like Groucho insulting Margaret Dumont in Duck Soup its just simply great humor.
alas - I'd love to help out, but I have had a problem with my piano - I had it tuned opreviously by this really skilled technician, but when I called to have it tuned this time, I was told that Sam Oppornockity only tunes once -
Or as Groucho, in Duck Soup, says to Ms. Dumont. "I'm protecting your virtue, which is more than you ever did."
You hear about the Energizer Bunny: arrested - charged with battery
What did 50 cent say to his grandmother when she knitted him a sweater for christmas. G-Unit?
Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?
Fo Drizzle.
And my all time favorite. What do you call cheese that you do not own?
Nacho Cheese
She went Marx brothers, I went new school rappers. Slight time difference there...
I can tuna fish but I cannot tuna piano.
*groan* BRING BACK THE SERIOUS FRIDAY TOPICS!!! *gigglesnortgiggle* *sigh* Normally I would play along but I am all worded out after a very long dinner party lastnight. We got on the topic of puns and double entendres, and I stated that I believed and sentence could be made a double entendre if you just speak slowly, raise an eyebrow, and make air quotes with your fingers.
Mr. Smith "Will you please pass me the butter?"
Me "Oh I'll 'pass you the butter' all right!"
Things got ... silly. I can see many laffy taffy jokes in the petersmaneye near future.
Although I frequently defend modern film to my fellow lovers of classics, I actually agree with the prevailing opinion as far as comedy is concerned. The vast majority of comedies made in the last 15 years simply aren't very funny. However, good quality comedy seems to be making a comeback in the last year or two. The recently referenced No Reservations and Ratatouille were both funny, clean, and classy. I also recommend Words and Music, The Holiday, Little Miss Sunshine , and especially Dan in Real Lifefor genuine laughs married harmoniously with heart, soul, and a genuinely intelligent look into some beautifully drawn characters. Death at a Funeral, while exhibiting far more crass than class, was also funnier than the vast majority of comedies made lately. It showed how, if you are going to do comedy that way, this is how to do it.
If you don't like these recommendations, just remember the dialogue between Dorothy Parker and the sailor who opened the door for her:
SAILOR: Age before beauty.
PARKER: Pearls before swine.
My personal favorite - People who live in grass houses shouldn't get stoned.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Also from BBC's My Word was the story of Lewis Carroll's schooldays. He was writing a little diary in the classroom when he saw his girlfriend, Alice, making eyes at him. He quickly jotted down "Alice, fruity look in class."
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
As far as funny movies, the modern movies that make you laugh, not just smile, and say, "Nice line" are practically all the Pink Panther movies, and Airplane, and as silly as they are, The Police Squad movies with Frank Drebbin. True, they don't combine laughter and soul...as the original, "Holiday.," my classic fav. but then again, what does?
During WWII two British fighter pilots in North Africa happened to find two bottles of beer, rather than each of them drink one bottle, they devised a contest to win both bottles.
The first Pilot to bag a lion would be the winner,
The first pilot started walking across the sand looking for his lion, after several weeks, he staggered back into camp exhausted and gave up. The second pilot jumped in his fighter and flew off. an hour or so later he landed back in camp, tossing two lion ears in his buddy's lap he stated...."I just shot one, here is his ears, give me the beers"........You ask what the moral of this story is....I think it is quite apparent...The shortest distance between two Pints...is a strafed lion
Olivia, I love the Marx brothers too and just spent some time watching their stuff again. Duck Soup is fabulous, but it's not the only one.
Most of our family puns and we used to play a game at the dinner table which would start by one of us making an innocent statement that was answered by someone else deliberately mistaking one word. The next person would extrapolate from the first and the person after him would go on from there. It takes very little to amuse us.
Since I'm in work mode for some reason, my mind is blank but I can make one little offering from the days of the Atlantic:
A prince was out in the woods hunting when he came upon a beautiful naked girl. "What are you doing?' she asked. "Looking for game", he replied. "I'm game.", she said. So he shot her.
I know, I know, I hear the collective groan already.
One more and I quit for the day
Many years ago, a noble king of a small south sea island who happened to be living in a very small thatched hut, was reading a book on the English royals. He became upset when he realized he was a King but he didn't have a proper place to sit while ruling the island.
He proceded to "order" the biggest, most impressive chair from the island's Ikea book, after it was delivered, he realized that there wasn't enough room to sleep and have his royal seat in the hut. After pondering the problem for a bit, he asked the island handy man to rig up a hoist. At night he would pull the seat up in the air and then sleep.
This went well for a few days untill the roof of the hut caved in one evening killing the king.
Thus the addage: People that live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones
Gia,
When you say "the original Holiday", do you mean the very original one from 1930 with Robert Ames and Ann Harding or do you mean the more famous 1938 remake with Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn? Interestingly, Edward Everett Horton played the same part in both versions.
I'm not a big fan of the Police Squad movies but I love Airplane!
"Surely, you can't be serious." "I am serious and don't call me Shirley."
Actually, Dread, you caught me there. The second version, with Cary and Kate and her famous line, "Try and stop me, please someone try and stop me!" The same people did police squad and airplane. Give Drebbin another chance...(The earlier ones)
Puns are great. They require some intelligence and knowledge to appreciate, and are rarely hurtful. Here are some of my favorites:
* Two hats are on a hat rack. One says to the other, "You wait here. I'll go on a head."
* A three-legged dog walks into a saloon and says, "I'm lookin' fer the man who shot my paw."
* Two guys were walking down the street. One walked into a bar, the other one ducked.
* An elephant was drinking at a watering hole when a turtle approached. The elephant looked at the turtle for a minute and then gave it a swift kick. The turtle flew through the air and landed several hundred feet away. A zebra standing close by asked, "Why did you kick that turtle?" "Well," the elephant replied, "That turtle bit my foot 20 years ago. That was payback." "How do you know it was the same turtle?" The elephant looked at the zebra a minute and said, "I have turtle recall."
* A man is walking down the street and hears a yell, and he looks up just in time for a glass eye to fall into his hand. A pretty lady is leaning out of a window and invites him up to bring the eye back to her. He goes up, she answers the door and invites him in. She take the eye, goes and puts it back in and then invites him to stay for dinner. He stays and they enjoy a fantastic meal. He begins to wonder, and says to her "This is great. Do you cook like this for all the guys." "No, " she answers, "only those who catch my eye."
more on the honor rollThe difference between a pun and a fart? A pun is a shift of wit!
Well, this was fun, and some great puns!
No one mentioned my favorite , PG Wodehouse...perhaps not so much a punster though as a truly hilarious writer. His name for the overly endowed woman was "balloon smuggler". Wouldnt he have a field day with all the silicone babies of today?!
But here is my favorite Dorothy Parker (from her biography by the currently famous... or infamous, Lee Israel, I think):
Dorothy Parker named her pet bird Onan, because he spilled his seed upon the ground.
It absolutely killed me!!
I love puns, but of course cannot recall any great ones that are not too ribald for the site. However, I cannot let the subject pass without some small contribution, courtesy of my four children (now grown):
Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the Shell station.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Hey, why the long face?"
As soon as I post this, my brain will fil up with plenty. Oh well, I can smile the rest of the day with those.
Two cannibals are eating Ogden Nash....one says to the other ..."does this taste punny ? "
I hesitate to share the following story... especially in light of the discussion on clean humor and since I am a gentleman who does not normally "kiss and tell" however this is maybe has its place here.
While in school I embarked on a rather ill-concieved relationship with an Italian professor. Inappropriate yes, but nevertheless exciting and the fulfilment of many childhood fantasies. We had a little lovers' game which we played while in flagrante - exchanging amourous puns and double entendres in a multitude of languages. She always said that I was a very cunning linguist
sorry...
Second Avenue it ain't !!! A lot of this stuff comes from the time when Henny Youngman and Fyvush Finkle, and Ed Wynn were just starting out, and still had hair ... The Marx Brothers were just kids ... True Comedy takes a lot of intelligence, and certainly more than most people ever suspect ... even Puns and Slap-Stick ... Comic or Comedian, the actor needs to be smarter than he lets on ... Comics say funny things ... Comedians say things, Funny ... Most of the "Comedians" of the last forty years have not actually been funny, and what passes for "Comedy" in the united states is boringly lewd and needlessly Low-Brow ...
There are, of course, some Notable Exceptions, which is a refreshing thing in itself ...
Who knows what the next forty years is going to bring, or what will be considered funny, or how quickly Punsters and Snipes will run out of fodder ... I guess a lot depends on what NOBAMA does after he loses the Election, or how long Hillary stays on the scene, or if Al Sharpton and Michael Jackson become the next Guilty White Liberal attempt to beat the Republicans ....... Now THAT, would be funny ..............
I can barely function for groaning! Wonderful, y'all!
Robert, I heard the 'swine' quote was Clair Booth Luce rather than a sailor, but maybe there's not much difference, a near thing. As Groucho would say, "Any closer and I'll be in back of you!"
PG Wodehouse-YES!
Am I the only one who remembers the Stoner Kings of Puns and All Things Humourous, who are STILL funny after 40 years, The Firesign Theatre? Mark Time, Nick Danger, Ralph Spoilsport, Rocky Rococo, Hemlock Stones, and George Tirebiter YAY!!
We may all be Bozos on this Bus...but the jury's still out at Lawyer's Hospital.
You had to be there, wherever THERE is.
nachista: I too am very skilled in the art of making double entendres out of thin air, but finger quotes are so out of style. Keep up with the times with the ever popular "that's what she said", which is mostly shouted by immature boys whenever anyone uses the words 'it's so big' or 'I almost choked'.
It's from the american version of the Office, but nobody cares about that any more.
A good one takes skill and patience [that's what she said].
[I know I'm the youngest one here, so here's my dirty example.]
For example; from the Office when the phrase was forbidden in the building. "That sound's really hard. You really think you can go all day? Well, you always left me satistfied and smiling--" "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID."
Other variations made up by hipsters who want to be a little original include "Way to be subtle!" and a rather loud "OH-HOHO."
Once at a party, my friend asked for a drink [we didn't have anything alcoholic.]
"What do you want?"
"Alcohol."
"I'll ca-haul you all night, but what do you want to drink?"
The snot-nosed teenagers at my school are actually horrible at puns, but this one I overheard in Spanish class the other day made me laugh with the sheer stupidity.
"How'd you do on the test?"
"Eh, mediocre."
"MORE LIKE MEDI-OKRA."
"... What?"
"Like okra. That you eat. It'd be a good name for a company."
"Why would you want to advertise the fact that your okra is mediocre?"
The Marx Brothers are amazing, by the way.
I think there has never been a deep, pertinent and insightful wit to equal that of George Carlin. I am surprised he was not on your list. His delivery was staggering. There are several examples on U-Tube. Perhaps not refined but awesome in the true sense of the word.
Lovey:
On the 'that's what she said' note - I have to put in my two pence worth of slightly racy joking. My brother was riding his bike the other day when the rear tyre blew out. As it was such a strain to ride now, with one flapping tyre, my brother had to pedal harder. Not realising what I was saying, I cried at him:
"Edward, you're riding it too hard! The rubber is going to come off!"
...that's what she said.
The One at the Desk: That's amazing.
http://boinkology.com/2008/05/16/thats-what-she-said-no-time-but-she-said-it/
A fan brought his pet pig to a baseball game. During the game, the pig wandered free from his master who was too engrossed in the game to notice until the animal made it onto the field and started eating the grass. Security was getting ready to eject man and beast while the game proceeded. Suddenly, the batter hit the ball in the pig's direction and the pig promptly ate the ball.
The umpire ruled it an inside the pork home run.
Thank you for a great Friday night read!
Lovey, the Office clip is fabulous. Nothing like skiving off work on Friday to the land of 'that what she said'
First, let me thank all of you for making me laugh and remember so many oldies but goodies!
Here are some more....
"Why are you standing on those newspapers?" " My feet are wet, these are the Times that dry men's soles."
And surely none of you have forgotten those wonderful English one-liners? An example:
"What is the name of the girl standing in the middle of the tennis court?"
"Annette." etc.
Ed Norton's golf lesson: First you address the ball ...... hello ball !
A genre of puns so far unexplored here: bilingual (or even trilingual) puns. They always translate badly (it's hard to chuckle with the timing so delayed, and it's true that if you need to
A group of American students in a seacoast town in Spain (doing a summer Spanish language course) are called on one after the other to answer -- in Spanish -- 'What did you do over the weekend?' The predictable replies come one after another: I went to a restaurant and ate squid; I took a walk in the hills; I bought a new purse in the marketplace; and so on.
But a stunned silence and then a series of chuckles sweeps the room as one shapely lass answers in her best Spanish: 'Fui a la playa con el profesor para pecar en las piedras.' What she meant to say was 'I went to the beach with the teacher to FISH among the rocks.' What she actually said: 'I went to the beach with the teacher to SIN among the rocks.' Ooops.
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W.C. Fields
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
Woody Allen
I enjoy the fine art of deliberately engaging in Spanish/English wordplay with bilingual friends who appreciate the nuances of both languages, and toying with the cultural stuff adds even a third dimension to the fun. (Imagine the mother-in-law jokes, especially combined with Spaniards' total lack of inhibitions when it comes to off-color words!)
But one of my favorite 'little stories' is that of my 2-1/2 year old grandson's multilingual faux pas (or was he toying with us?) My son, Japanese daughter-in-law, and grandson Alex live in Tokyo. Alex is rapidly mastering Japanese, under mom's beaming smiles. And Alex is much more slowly learning English.... My son recently showed Alex the picture of a rabbit. 'What is this, Alex?' Alex correctly identifies it: 'Usagi'. My son replies, 'Now say it in English, Alex.'
Alex, after a few seconds of frowning concentration suddenly smiles. 'Conejo!'
(Problem? It's the Spanish word for rabbit!) This story is bound to follow the poor kid for the rest of his life. You know it will!
To Steve Lance: While I yield to no man or woman in my admiration for George Carlin, and I don't mean to be splitting hairs, there is a difference between a wit and a humorist. Carlin is a humorist. (Because I refuse to think he has passed to the great beyond.) Will Rogers was a humorist.
I have taken the definition of Wit, from Wikpedia, that is wrong only half of the time. Wit is a form of intellectual humor. A wit (person) is someone skilled in making witty remarks. Forms of wit include: the quip and the repartee.
Peter Ustinov was a wit. Carlin, perhaps, was more complicated. But you have to draw the line some place.
Olivia - Last week I found about eight vinyl Firesign Theater albums in my garage. I was elated. These folks are true comedy geniuses. I remember being so entertained by them. I was particularly impressed when, I think it was on "Waiting for the Electrician, or Somebody Like Him" this one character was trying to order pizza, but was having trouble because they wouldn't deliver into sector R. He was on the phone talking to someone but they just hung up on him. Then, on the next album, I think it was "Don't Crush that Dwarf, Hand Me the Pliers" Rocky Rococo answers a phone that was ringing, and it was the guy from the first album trying to order a pizza, and Rocky just hangs up. How genius is that?
I was remembering things like, Nick Danger inside his office reading his name on the plate glass door.
"REGNAD KCIN" and,
"Doctor, please, can you give me something for this cold?"
"Sure, here's a quarter." and the sign on the freeway that said,
"Condom Valley Homes. If you lived here, you'd be home by now." and,
"Ghosts upon the battlement? Methought you said goats upon the battlement." I think from "Edmond, Edmond".
Anyway, just remembering those guys, I was laughing so hard that I spilled coffee on my brand new shirt. If you were here I would show you dis-stain. It wasn't really very good coffee either. But it did have a lot of sedimental value.
Thanks all, for the great chuckles today.
All the talk about Dorothy Parker reminded me of her take on Martins: Give me a good Martini--Two at the very most--Three I'm under the table--Four I'm under my host
Dutchman - I went to my butcher the other day and asked him if he had any rabbit, but he said that he wouldn't split hares.
At the close of WWII, General Douglas MacArthur became quite popular among the Japanese people, many of whom had viewed him as being charitable to Japan during its surrender to the U.S. Given MacArthur's good stateside reputation as well, rumors were rife that he might run for election to be U.S. President.
During a raucous, crowded pro-MacArthur rally in Tokyo after the Japanese surrender, people hung a gigantic banner:
"WE PLAY FOR MACARTHUR'S ERECTION."
"My parents sent me to a child psycholoist - but the boy was useless." Woody Allen
But, of course I mean't 'psychologist', just had a bad spell.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
Thoughtspur-I liked psycholoist better-sort of a single-minded player, what?
Tiberius, senator's sobriquet says "You fuel! I ought to beat your brain out!" Or was it:
I showed it to Daddy Dudley, like I do every day...or maybe
Antelope Freeway, one-half mile, antelope Freeway, one-fourth mile, Antelope Freeway, one-eighth mile, and so on...
Everybody, Tiberius is really understating the complex layers of hilarity these guys produced-after thirty years, I can listen to any of their albums and STILL hear stuff I missed before! Their cds are hotly fought over on ebay, but still worth whatever you pay for them. And they have their own website, where you discover that ALIENS ARE AMONG US! EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG (their best album IMHO)-yes, they landed from the Dog Star, came crawling out of a well wearing ladies' shoes, didn't know what milk was (but they sure knew where it came from!)-we took him to the Swiss Picnic where he choked to death on a piece of cheese, very sad, and we thought it was Safe As Clown's Milk. Ok, now I'm totally off the rails, I can't decide whether to hit this Jew over the head with a bag of sugar (yes, equal offense to all on their game shows too) or beat out that rhythm on the drum.
Forgive me, I've been bad, partied all evening and I'm lacking a few important inhibitions. I'll TRY to behave...
I discovered Firesign Theatre on You-Tube tonight, and spent about two hours listening to their albums. It brought back a lot of memories. That was really fun. I listened to a whole episode of Nick Danger, and could still recite most of the lines in sync. What a trip. I'm glad you brought them up. I'm sure I'll be hearing Pastor Flack, Georgie Tirebiter, and Mudhead in my sleep tonight.
From "Waiting for the Electrician, or Somebody Like Him":
"I was imprisoned in this dank and dismal cell by a faceless people for crime of which I did not commit. In the beginning I was able to write with ink composed of me own blood.... I was, however, able to acquire an electric typewriter and have just finished the first page of my profusely illustrated prison novel of eternal torment entitled...... LEATHER THIGHS."
Enough! Off to bed.
Bi-Lingual Puns continued : what do you call four Puerto Ricans in quicksand ?
Quattro Sinko !
But who could forget the puns of Faulty Towers one of my favorites has always been a bilingual one involving the Spanish waiter Manuel who is carrying three breakfast trays upstairs when Mr Faulty comes along...
Mr Faulty: Manuel, there's too much butter on, those, trays (as he gestures at each tray)
Manuel: no, no, no Mr Fault, it's uno, dos, trece.
Misunderstanding runs rampant and no one gets their breakfast. thanks for the laughs, I have beeen accused of being an intolerable punster by many I know.
What's the difference between a tribe of Pygmies and a women's track team?
One is a bunch of cunning runts.....
Forgive me in advance ....I heard that one as " what's the difference between a line of acrobats and a chorus line ? " One has a cunning array of stunts.I realize that these are as much Spoonerisms as they are puns. Is that a new subcategory ?
I dread the day that the topic is ryming slang
Or slyming rhang...
Excellent!