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January 26, 2012
The question for today.
Oscar Wilde said:
“A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.”
Luigi Pirandello put it this way:
"Anyone can be heroic from time to time, but a gentleman is something you have to be all the time."
"A gentleman is simply a patient wolf."
The dictionary says a gentleman, from 13th century Middle English of gentle and man, is a man of independent means who does not need to have a wage-paying job.
And we do know a gentleman would not challenge men of "lower status" to a duel.
Clearly we need help.
I unearthed this 1839 Virginia Military Institute nugget (a gentleman does not reveal his sources) that I hope clarifies the situation:
"Without a strict observance of the fundamental Code of Honor [cf., that a gentleman does not lie, cheat, steal, nor tolerate those who do], no man, no matter how ‘polished’, can be considered a gentleman.
The honor of a gentleman demands the inviolability of his word, and the incorruptibility of his principles. He is the descendant of the knight, the crusader; he is the defender of the defenseless and the champion of justice… or he is not a Gentleman.
A Gentleman…
…Does not discuss his family affairs in public or with acquaintances.
…Does not speak more than casually about his girlfriend.
…Does not go to a lady’s house if he is affected by alcohol. He is temperate in the use of alcohol.
…Does not lose his temper; nor exhibit anger, fear, hate, embarrassment, ardor, or hilarity in public.
…Does not hail a lady from a club window.
A gentleman never discusses the merits or demerits of a lady.
…Does not mention names exactly as he avoids the mention of what things cost.
…Does not borrow money from a friend, except in dire need. Money borrowed is a debt of honor, and must be repaid as promptly as possible.
Debts incurred by a deceased parent, brother, sister or grown child are assumed by honorable men as a debt of honor.
…Does not display his wealth, money, or possessions.
…Does not put his manners on and off, whether in the club or in a ballroom. He treats people with courtesy, no matter what their social position may be.
…Does not slap strangers on the back nor so much as lay a finger on a lady.
…Does not ‘lick the boots of those above’ nor ‘kick the face of those below’ him on the social ladder.
…Does not take advantage of another’s helplessness or ignorance and assumes that no gentleman will take advantage of him.
A Gentleman respects the reserves of others, but demands that others respect those which are his.
A Gentleman can become what he wills to be…"
Perhaps our ladies and gentlemen out there might have their own definition.
It weems to me that gentlemen expect others to be gentlemen, as well, and when they find out that...
Jan. 26, 2012 9:23 AM
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A gentleman diminishes no one and exalts everyone.
And I think those rules just about cover everyone here,most all of the time. *exceptions being as called for
there was,however,one overlooked rule: do not step on blue suade shoes
Suede... sorry
A Gentleman always apologizes....(and I usually preface it with "Oops, Did I say that out loud?) and that can sometimes suffice...sometimes not....
Ivan is a gentleman and I am proud to say I know him. I believe Mr. Wilde is wrong about the feelings thing. That sounds more like an opinion that would be held by Barbara Streisand. Not that they aren't or couldn't be one and the same. A gentleman doesn't give a rat's arse about feelings. He will speak the truth as he knows it. How another accepts that truth is his own doing or undoing and a gentleman will acknowledge that without demand.
I am a very lucky woman. I am the daughter, wife and mother of 3 true gentlemen. And now, here in this Village I get to hang out with a remarkable cadre of gentlemen, starting of course with Mr. P. himself. Oh what a world it would be if populated by likes of gentlemen such as these. One can only dream, shake one's head and have another cup of tea.
Thank you Gentlemen! It really does make a difference. I think that you can be taught rules and regulations but a true gentleman just knows....
A gentleman will help his lady to dress up by doing those fiddly clasps on necklaces and bracelets - and be sober enough to undo them when he gets her home.
CHEFD......................I agree, our gentlemen are something else aren't they!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are we the luckiest gals on the planet? A good man is worth more than gold. WE LOVE OUR EYE MEN, LOVE EM', LOVE EM', LOVE EM'.................................(p.s...............pulled into our driveway in a tow truck at 6 last night. I was never so happy to see my driveway................)
PAOLOS...................You are absolutely and completey correct, no doubt about it.............
LOT..............your 12:06 & RY.........your 12:32......................perfectly, beautifully stated..............
Well kids............hopefully my hot tea will help me wake up. Be well today. I am craving a grilled cheese w/ pickles at this very moment......................or maybe a melty chocolate chip cookie recently out of the oven.................or a hotdog........heavy on the relish & mustard.........................
Come on IVAN.....................don't make us do a collective "STELLA" call, it will be embarrassingly loud...........................
mmmmmmmmmmm.......................
Is the complaints department open? This page keeps telling me I'm a stranger so I have to fiddle aound logging in again - then it won't send unless I refresh the page - then it ignores my paragraphs and sends all in one lump. All my other pages work fine. If this goes on I will leave because it's just too annoying.
NOOOOO Hazel! Maybe Chris, the Webmaster can help.....click on the Contact Us button on the bottom right and he's very quick to respond. Plus I am certain more computer savvy posters than I can advise....
Paolos---I agree with you--as soon as I saw the title I thought, "Ivan!"
and..........I would say that several of you gents in the village are gentlemen.
It weems to me that gentlemen expect others to be gentlemen, as well, and when they find out that someone is not a gentleman they will call him out on it--in an educational sort of way, of course. And maybe, like CD says, it's innate--although I suspect being raised by a gentleman and a good lady aces it. One day on the playground I overheard some 4 year olds....they'd been laughing and giggling and chasing around, this assorted group of boys and girls. Well, something happened and tempers frayed and suddenly I heard one little boy shout, "Hey! A gentleman never hits ladies! Stop!" and it did.
more on the honor rollGood Morning everyone - this is a great topic. A gentleman is what a lady expects. The gentlemen of the Eye are smart, funny, talented, champions and I enjoy the interaction here. I have two sons, I have (hopefully) reared them to be gentlemen. I am complemented on their behavior, how they comport themselves, and as adults, I enjoy being around them. Someday they will find their match and each will be a very lucky woman indeed. Of course I AM prejudiced!
Don't leave Hazel - maybe it's your browser, it seems a lot of villagers have issues with their browsers on this page.
I agree, Carol, I think being raised by a gentleman and a good lady is the example they follow.
My lovely bride told me many years ago that cell phones were the beginning of universal bad manners.
Boy was she right. I choose to, when my sweetheart and I dine or spend time together, to leave my cell phone in the car. It's my way of letting her know she's the most important in the room.
But, that's just me.
...one of many ways I honor her as my bride.
For 4,978th time I am going to attempt to post a link. Its meant only in good fun as I don't agree with it (entirely) but it is on topic. Its from a wonderful show that was Off/Off Broadway decades ago called "The Decline and Fall of the Entire World As Seen Through The Eyes of Cole Porter Revisited" I have been unable to find it on youTube so I am offering this version of a terrific song:
http://youtu.be/mTD-jPmimSg
Wa-hooley-I think it worked!
I suggest a couple of mandatory
semesters at VMI for everyone considering a political career.
A gentleman pours her coffee (or tea);carefully adds condiments to her taste then tastes it to be sure its just right and serves it to her being thankful for the privelege.
A gentleman is someone who shows that he is a genlteman by his actions or, as the case may dictate, non-actions. He never has to describe himself as one when writing about himself. I was married to a wonderful gentleman and have met very few real gentlemen in my life.
A gentleman is someone who shows that he is a genlteman by his actions or, as the case may dictate, non-actions. He never has to describe himself as one when writing about himself. I was married to a wonderful gentleman and have met very few real gentlemen in my life.
A gentleman is someone who shows that he is a genlteman by his actions or, as the case may dictate, non-actions. He never has to describe himself as one when writing about himself. I was married to a wonderful gentleman and have met very few real gentlemen in my life.
A gentleman is someone who shows that he is a genlteman by his actions or, as the case may dictate, non-actions. He never has to describe himself as one when writing about himself. I was married to a wonderful gentleman and have met very few real gentlemen in my life.
A gentleman is someone who shows that he is a genlteman by his actions or, as the case may dictate, non-actions. He never has to describe himself as one when writing about himself. I was married to a wonderful gentleman and have met very few real gentlemen in my life.
A gentleman is someone who shows that he is a genlteman by his actions or, as the case may dictate, non-actions. He never has to describe himself as one when writing about himself. I was married to a wonderful gentleman and have met very few real gentlemen in my life.
Sorry...something happened with the posting!
...and, what paolos said.
Paolos & Bebe - ME TOO! ! !!
RY ~ Most especially those blue suede shoes!
Most beautiful, Lotlot.
After reading everyones posting I have to agree with everyone, and I am now sure my daddy, dispite his clay feet which he himself recognized, was a gentleman. That's far better than some I've met who believed they were gentlemen and had feet sunk in the mire.
PAOLOS: My first thought was the same as yours and it seems many others.
Has anyone heard from our IVAN?
Does a gentleman also have to be a gentle man?
I love your additions, LotLot and RY. I believe my husband falls into the 'mostly' a gentleman category. Having been raised in the frozen north of British Columbia, he lacks the 'open the door for a lady' skills of a Southern Gentleman, but he's come home cold after giving his coat to a homeless person more than once. Sadly, when it seemed that we were going to obtain a big job with a large paycheck, he morphed into one of those snobby annoying 'lord' types. I am hoping that NOT getting that position has humbled him so that his fine underlying qualities will always win out in the future.
My father is a true gentleman - learned, thoughtful, considerate, patient (after 43 years married to my mother, there is no doubt on that count!) and always willing to listen. He might be surprised to see that I listed him as such...
I would add that a gentleman is also a man who laughs out loud, with relish, and often. Life is too short to do otherwise...
An old lady who I helped loading her shopping said:- Thanks dear, your'e a real .... pause, laugh ... Goodness! I nearly said Gentleman.
..and of course,a Gentleman would never relate a story that may scare people already showing signs of terror,and as such,yesterday I did not relate the worst travel accident story I remember; it was an accident on a passenger train= = an airplane hit it......(I'm kidding....)
How to tell a gentleman?
Put your trust in the judgement of a small child, pet or horse.
Woman ought to be the best source but there is too much evidence to the contrary.
A little test: how do you respond to unwanted solicitation phone callers?
Or, in other words, how do you treat the least among us because you can't get much leaster than those people.
...and a Lady once told me that I could stop placing an arm in front of her as we slowed,or stopped in the car; "the seat belt/shoulder harness will be enough,thank you!" . I can't find the icon for 'icy'tone
stoney
caller ID is a wonderful thing.
You don't want to know how I respond to unwanted phone solicitations. Such phone calls are in my Top 5 Betes Noirs, and those who make them, are The Enemy. I don't curse, because I don't curse, but let's say a good cussin' would be easier on their ears.
My husband, who is a gentleman, has more patience with such phone calls. I've learned, probably from being the front woman (aka receptionist) in our company for many years, that there are those who have no business wasting my or his or our precious time - and that nice and polite results only in getting your ears talked off. If I want you, I'll call you. Leave your card and go. Please. .....Business is a nasy business, isn't it? That's one reason I quit.
Being precise in language and eloquent delivery is important. It requires practice. I have been severely reprimanded by some true gentlemen and you walk away thanking them. Self confidence has a man not seeking advice from anyone who has nothing to offer except drama and woe is me. Little things like posture and a shoe shine and grooming denote excellence. Smiling and conversational wit has one seeking the classic role model which for me includes a bit of a lovable rascal like Peter O'Toole, green socks with a tux ""I do not choose to be a common man...it is my right to be uncommon -- if I can...I seek opportunity- -not security...I want to take the calculated risk; to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed... to refuse to barter incentive for a dole...I prefer the challenges of life to the guaranteed existence, the thrill of fulfillment to the stale calm of utopias...."
...and do not eat gray meat
I was in the parking lot of a local grocery store a lot of years ago, and eyed an elderly woman of African American desent, struggling to load her groceries in the trunk of her car. I immediately walked over to her and offered her my strength, back, and gentlemanly "raisin's" to aid in loading the bags. I made quick work of the numerous bags she had. She thanked me, and was producing a dollar from her purse to reward me for my unsolicited assistance. I, of course, refused. She then moved to hug my neck (ok in the south) as a sign of her gratitude. When she hugged me she said "you are the biggest white person I have ever met, and such a gentleman."
I thanked her for the compliment.
Any thoughts from the words up top about a gentleman needing to have the means so as not to work for a wage?
"The Devil, depend upon it, can sometimes do a very gentlemanly thing." ~ Robert Louis Stevenson, "The Story of the Young Man with the Cream Tarts."
CHEFDEB, again you spoke (two among) my favorite words: Cole Porter. You read my mind.
Having recently praised more than one of the Village's lovely gentle men, I can say no more, except to add Our Genial Host (unfailingly), and bless the day he thunk up Peterman's Eye. No one, no one else would be so inspired, nor follow through. And look whom he attracts -- gentlemen abounding. Those not up to snuff probably feel uncomfortable here.
HAZEL, I'm glad your headache went the way of ill things, and wonder, with you, about the need to work for a wage. Those who don't HAVE to work do so anyway, in my experience,
with philanthropy high among their priorities.
Often I muse I was born too late; I wish I'd lived in ___ or___ century; habits, manners, and clothes of an earlier time are to my liking. But I am smack-dab in the midst of THIS time, with all that entails, and further than woolgathering I cannot go. WHat's a girl to do?
Georgia-----I second your kudos to the sterling gentleman J. Peterman! And for the same reasons--plus I love his taste in delightful clothes and oddments.
GEORGIA--Thank you, I am SO pleased!
The thing I like most about the topic of the day and the ensuing discussion is the memory tweaking. I found a pic of me and it made me think of the cat and mouse fun of romance. Something film and modern literature could re-explore. It's easier to be a gentlemen in the right ambiance.
"I just want you to be comfortable when you have lunch at Buckingham Palace," I would answer my son when he queried some of the rules and regulations his father and I would instruct him on. But the truth of being a Gentleman has little to do with pomp & circumstance and much more to do with basic instincts. The wonderful Sir Walter Raleigh story about the raincoat on the puddle is a great example but it is also the mechanic who wipes his hands on a rag and insists on getting you box to sit on while you wait who can be a chivalrous gentleman.
Much as I would love to be lofty circles at all times, reality is that I have met and known many "diamonds in the rough" and some have been the finest gentlemen I have known. I guess what I am saying is--in the true sense of what the word means to me, rather than financial rank in society--a gentleman is born, not created. One can go through the motions, but thats all it is.
Come on Ivan, you're freaking me out.
do gentelmen REALLY prefer blondes???
A true gentlemen will look at a woman and realize what is in her heart is more important and lasting than her outward appearance.
...probably GENTLEMEN would prefer blondes that could spell! What can I say....it's after dinner and after wine......
Haha Carol!~ I didn't notice - funny how we read what we expect. O well, turned midnight here, the duvet calls. Nos da, dear people. x
Me too, Hazel, took me three times to see the misspelling! And good night.
Maybe Ivan tomorrow ?????? We're worried, Ivan, puleeze.
Brunettes, all day. Nothing better.
Everyone's posts are so wonderful & true.........................Oh PARK, that RLS line is creepy because it is so true & we have probably all encountered it...................shiver me timbers........
SPRING RAIN.................now that's true because well, let's face it that bloom is going to come off the rose, but the fierceness & kindness in the heart; hopefully never.................
I second STONEY.........................horses, dogs, children, & I would add service people...............
CHEFD.....................Your most wonderful 5:52 post...............I would say that someone who grew up hard w/ no role models can indeed become a gentleman because it is in the heart......................just roll that around in that brilliant mind of yours & see what you think..............................
I thought PARK's & GEORGIA's comments last week about how they met the men they love here at the EYE was really lovely & brought tears to my eyes......................it explained so much......................
CAROL....................I did not notice your misspelling, only your delightful post!
Man, I am feeling sentimental & love everyone here...........................I'm having Skyline chili later.....................mmmmmmmmmmmmm......................
Being a 24/7 gentleman is a grand thing indeed, and probably impossible to maintain. Sometimes a hero is needed when a gentleman just won't do.
I think respecting those around you, treating them as you would wish to be treated, and behaving as if you are setting the example you would be proud to have others follow........ Is a pretty good way to be remembered.
Ivan, be very well wherever you are....whatever you are doing.
PL...................and that's why we love you more than hotdogs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Awe bebes,.......Nothin' tops a hotdog, except for onions, relish, mustard, celery salt, tomato wedges, peppers, and sometimes chili.......mmmmmmm...
....off topic completely but Peter & Beebs...I heard that in Chicago they have hotdogs with fois gras on them and it has been making me actually WANT to fly somewhere......mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
My hats off to our Mr. Peterman and again all the lovely gentlemen who grace this corner. My hero remains Ivan Jalopkin. How many women here have been saluted as "Dear lady" in a casual conversation. Ivan does and there's the mark of a true gentleman. IVAN, WHERE DA HECK IZ U??? :-(
Good article, on acting as a civil, courteous web-post presentor. Polished posting....good idea for me to adhere to this plan/ pursue well thought out commentaries of the posted idea of the day!.Oh, sugar.I have some faults... after reading the list of what and how you should be ...posting......sometimes you feel you are a red-bellied woodpecker...all exposed in the middle of the woods.....when you are an individual that is inclined to post your art, thoughts, and creative writing...bad and good...your voice is in print...Click click.presto hit send button....here on the eye posting menu board; I am an artist..and like to share stories...sometimes you feel that you did something wrong by interacting in this cyber capacity thing...remember, I was ready to quit..a week ago.....this is such a challenge of an effort...for me..not my forte'...i doubt my ability with ad lib communicates....of ...writstful ideas, trying to connect, debate, discuss , and comprehend...but then i fall back with the feeling that, I exposed myself as a visble red-bellied woodpecker and can not delete prior posts ...and tried to continuously be hopeful, not say something wrong or avoid contrite ambiguous..nonsense... "I tell myself: if you do not want everyone else to see it...don't put it online...there is a big difference between friends and virtual friends...Cyber debate team friendships...keep your information private..don't give too much information...TMI, I write in a freeform style..and I will admit..to hitting the send button without proof reading and forgetful about omiting things that.... darn it should not be included for the" public eye ," now that America is a Police state...we have NO privacy...and it does not help mom (AS i TALK TO MYSELF...)to just type what you think ....you are aloud to write...way TooMuchInformation ; I am the one that controls what i say in this cyber-world medium and need to do a better attempt at looking and using "common sense," with my writing style...so i do not regret or say inappropriate things...what a task...also i need to add stars to the end of my sentences.... * one star....= a quote by me...** two stars= refer to the bottom of the page for the source...*** Three stars...i am not sure i know who said this, but undocumented sources are important too.....paraphrase a little better after you have a glass of chablissing..and toast tips...good nite all...by the way RonPauls', the other guy that was runnung for President.., his son was strip searched in Europe, but said "No' missed his flight and took a Taxi to another airport and boarded with no problem... maybe, it is not too good to go outside the United States for vocation...Oh yea, IronLadyMovie is propaganda...especially during election year.. Heaven sakes....I just want to be Free....ee ee.....ya know, all you have to do is say so...We were born to question, therefore, we were born to be scientists...On the labels of medicine bottles for animals: Horses, cows, Pigs, and sheep...there is a withdrawal time period...ie., 4 days, so if you were to sell your cow... drug free...you would know before you take your cow to market at the Agricultural Fair if your cow has had any medication still in his system; you have the responsibility to ensure that your cow has no residual of the medication...left in his body..before you sell the cow... same as cyber writing ettiquette, you need to pace and limit your innermost comments in writing.your vaious .posts...i need to improve on this...too.. : )
UMM.......................I loved your story! I have doubt you rushed to help...................
My sweetheart got in late & fell asleep on the couch. I woke up & tucked him into bed. Now two cats have taken his place on the couch alongside me...........................
A nice guy puts the toilet seat down.
A gentleman does it only after he is done and so do I especially since the time that...
to those of you villagers here who have a "gentlemen" in your life, I am sure you appreciate them. Every day you have together, cherish it. These are precious moments. We are not guaranteed another day. These plain. ordinary days are fleeting quickly. Every day matters. If you walk together, hold hands. Draw close, life is short. Thank them for what they do. If you have someone in your life who loves you, thank them. At Christmas time, I witnessed an older couple getting into their car. The man (Not a gentleman) was screaming and cussing and yelling at his wife.
whoops, hit send prematurely. Enough said.