Milwaukee's funniest bar names barnames.html Take a look at an interesting article we found.
A President Walks into a Bar .tampabay.com Take a look at an interesting article we found.
Laughing's No Joke For Spotted Hyenas NPR Take a look at an interesting article we found.
February 18, 2009
The origin of the classic man walks into a bar joke is a bit hazy, since no one has probably wanted to take credit for it.
It couldn't have started before the invention of the tavern, which goes back at least to the 13th century.
We do know it wasn't mentioned in the 14th century, when Italian Poggio Bracciolini wrote Europe's first joke book, "Liber Facetiarum."
This is the shortest version on record.
A man walks into a bar. Ouch!
Admittedly, not hilarious. But that in itself is the humor.
We spoke about evolution only last week and observe how the joke evolves.
A guy (notice the substitution) walks into a bar and there is a horse serving drinks…”
The payoff isn’t as important as the versatility. The bartender becomes the "man" that initiates the action in this example.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks why the long face?
From there, it can take many forms.
An amnesiac walks into the bar. And asks do I come here often?
And with this backward construction, can serve up some political incorrectness.
An Irishman walks out of bar. It could happen.
Even lawyers wouldn't object to this.
A man walked into a bar, leading an alligator by a leash. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure do," said the bartender.
"Good," replied the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."
Inanimate objects can walk into a bar.
Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type in here."
Here we have an inventive example of silliness and wit combined. (Swillt?)
A crow walks into a bar wearing a pearl necklace and orders a drink. "I've never seen a crow wearing a pearl necklace before," says the bartender. "What do you expect with basic black," Says the crow.
A classic of its kind.
A duck walks into a bar. And he says to the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No, I don't have any grapes." The duck walks out, sorely disappointed.
So the next day, he walks back into the bar, asks the same question, gets the same answer.
The day after, he walks back into the bar, and again, asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender, having still not figured out why this duck seems to think he may have some grapes, says to the duck, "No, and if you come back in here tomorrow and ask me if I have any grapes, I will nail your bill to the bar!"
The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar. So the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nails?"
The bartender says, "No."
So the duck says, "Got any grapes?"
So? Got any “man" walks into a bar jokes? Extra points will be awarded to those that can make them up.
Construction Worker walks into a Bar basicjokes.com Take a look at an interesting article we found.
Duck Jokes liveducks.com Take a look at an interesting article we found.
Man Walks into a Pub walksintoapub.com Take a look at an interesting article we found.
still thinking about today...
Favorite joke construction? (Examples are permissable)
29% 38% 5% 0% 29%
Put my Comment on the wrong Page, like a Putz ... I was confused by the Duck ... usually when I deal with Ducks, they are roasting in Lime tinged Mandarin Orange Sauce, mingled with a smooth compote of Golden Israeli Figs ....... and waiting to be bathed upon the palate by an '88 Pol Roger .......
A string walks into a bar and is told "We don't serve string in here"
He goes outside and does a few contortions, tousles his hair and goes back in.
"Aren't you the string I just threw out of here?"
I'm a frayed knot.
A Frenchman walks into a bar, and a parrot is sitting on his shoulder. The parrot is wearing sunglasses. The bartender says "Hey, I've never seen THAT before-where'd you get him?"
The parrot says "I got him in France-they have millions of them!"
rimshot...
Guy walks into a bar, and there's this frog sitting on his head. The bartender says "What's up with that?"
The frog says "I dunno-it started as a bump on my butt!"
A sadist and a masochist are walking into a bar. "Beat me!" says the masochist.
The sadist smiles and says "No."
Don't forget the classic:
2 guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
A skeleton walks into a bar and says:
"Give me a beer and a mop."
Marc the other version of that joke is...
2 guys walk into a bar, the first one says "Don't worry I didn't see it either".
This is probably the best one.
A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm and sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him. The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed."
The man says, "But this is a special dog -- he talks!"
"Yeah, right," says the bartender. "Now get out of here before I throw you out."
"No, wait," says the man. "I'll prove it." He turns to the dog and asks, "What do you normally find on top of a house?"
"Roof!" says the dog, wagging his tail.
"Listen, pal..." says the bartender.
"Wait," says the man, "I'll ask another question." He turns to the dog again and asks, "What's the opposite of soft?"
"Ruff!" exclaims the dog.
"Quit wasting my time and get out of here," says the bartender.
"One more chance," pleads the man. Turning to the dog again, he asks, "Who was the greatest baseball player that ever lived?"
"Ruth!" barked the dog.
"Okay, that's it!" says the bartender, and physically throws both man and dog out the door and onto the street.
Turning to the man, the dogs shrugs and says, "Maybe I should have said Joe Dimaggio?"
A duck, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
Topic, I know, yes, is jokes, but I can't get MACKDADDY's brunch menu (yesterday, and I'm still thinking about it) out of my head long enough to create one. Be back later...
A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender asks "Do you want a long neck?" The giraffe answers, "No thanks, I've already got one."
I think I just made that one up. Which is why it isn't funny :P
A five-dollar bill walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Get outta here! We don't serve your type. This is a singles bar."
I guy walks into a pub and puts a paper bag and a genie's lantern on the bar. The bartender says, "What's in the lantern?" The guy says, "A magical genie, who will give you any wish you ask for. Go ahead and rub it."
The bartender rubs the lantern and out comes the genie, who proceeds to grant the bartender's wish. Instantly, the bar is filling with a million panicked, defecating, and quaking ducks. With much effort and a few shotguns, the ducks are dispatched or chased out of the bar. The bartender wipes some slimy, green duck scheit out of his eyes and says, "Okay, then, so what's in the paper bag?"
The guy reaches in and pulls out a fellow no more than a foot tall and a matching sized Steinway, at which point the tiny man begins to play a lovely sonata.
The bartender looks at the man with the bag and says, "So when did you realize the genie was hard of hearing?"
Not "I guy".... sheesh. "A guy".
A lady walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'll have an Entendre, please, and make it a double." The bartender sizes her up, says "Oh, so you like a big one!" and, well, he gives her one...
I placed fifth in a Guy Walks Into A Bar joke contest with...
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks down at the grasshopper and says "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper gives the bartender a puzzled stare and says "Why would anybody name a drink Bob?"
or there's always...
A termite walks into a bar and says "Hey, is the bar tender here?"
And in case my joke was far too obtuse, the unspoken punch lines are "A million bucks" and "a twelve-inch pianist".
"René Descartes is in a bar at closing time. The bartender asks him if he'd like another drink. Descartes says, "I think not," and he disappears."
Might be tme for some knock knock jokes.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Norma Lee.
Norma Lee who?
Normalee I don't go around knocking on doors, but do you want to buy a set of encyclopedias?
I think there's nothing quite like watching a full moon rise over the Sierra Madres... whilst resting your bones under a mesquite tree after dancing with Mescalito for the afternoon!
http://skiphuntmexico2009.carbonmade.com/
A German, a Frenchman, and a Jewish guy stumble into a bar, having been lost in the desert for days. The German makes it to the bar and says "I am exhausted, I am tirsty-I must have BEER!"
The Frenchman comes to the bar and says "I am fatigue', I am zo thirsty-I must have WINE!
The Jewish guy is next, and he says "I'm so tired, and so thirsty-I must have DIABETES!
I think perhaps I could be known as "She who couldn't tell a joke if her life depended on it", but I have enjoyed everyone's humor today. Thanks for all the laughs!
i dont seem to find the way to comment on older discussions ( science & creationism in perticular)--Help?
tx!,b
You can only comment on the current day or the day before (yesterday's topic), after that you just get to read but not comment.
My 3 daughters love this one and they pass it on as the world's shortest Irish joke.....that line is a joke in..and of..itself!
So, these two Irishman walk past a bar.......
badda bing....tip your waitress, I'm here on Tuesdays....
What's brown and sticky?
a stick.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpjNLjBbVd4
Didn't someone say they had a birthday coming up?
All animals play, but man is the only animal who can make jokes
Two guys are drinking in a bar.
One says, "Did you know that a moose has sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
"Ah shit," says his friend, "and I just joined the Elks!"
This guy comes into a bar and sits down, orders a beer. He says "If I can make you say WOW, will you give me the beer for free?" "Sure", says the bartender. so the guy takes a little piano out of his pocket, and a hamster, and the hamster starts playing ragtime on the piano. "Wow" says the bartender-"you earned that beer". The guy drinks his beer, and orders another one. He takes a frog out of his pocket, and the frog starts singing along.
"Wow again!" says the bartender-"that's two I'll gladly pay for." Another man has been watching all this, and he offers the guy a thousand dollars for the frog. The guy refuses. Two thousand. Nope. FIVE thousand? Okay, five. In cash. The guy leaves for the ATM, comes back and pays him, leaves with the frog. The bartender is incredulous. "There's no WAY I'd have taken a measly five grand for that frog", he says. "Are you nuts?"
The guy says "It's a good deal-the hamster's a ventriloquist."
Polly-Jane Goodall has indicated that recent research shows some chimps making simple jokes out of objects at hand-sticks, mostly. So, it's a twofer-tools, AND jokes. Not quite chimp walks into a bar yet, but still. Those wacky chimps...
Maybe whacky?
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jvlkKth37Fp__GL6KYdl2b1s6dBgD96DNV5G0
So many fun new people today!
Miss ya'll.
I LOVE "200 years too late" as a name. It's got me singing the Buffett song over and over in my head now, and I've always really liked that tune. What a nice way to end the day.
A duck walks into a bar and orders a shot of rum. The bartender ask, "How do you plan on paying for that"? The duck responds, "just put it on my bill". Quack Quack
A duck walks into a bar and orders a shot of rum. The bartender ask, "How do you plan on paying for that"? The duck responds, "just put it on my bill". Quack Quack
opps!
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra
Thanks for the laughs...laughter is a wonderful thing.