An Extreme Price

Ask anyone who has read my posts in the past knows, I love taking risks.....in  business, in life. I still do extreme mountain biking, occassional climbing (I used to do more), triathlons, marathons. I'm driven by the possibilities. That's why I joined the Marines, practised martial arts, and did bodyguard work (when I was younger). I've ridden extreme rollercoasters on a dare. Almost died body surfing, barely escaped a helicopter crash, and nearly lost my life in a hail storm on the side of a mountain. Why? I don't know. Perhaps I am an adrenline junkie. I suspect that a lot of people who suffer anxiety and depression should ride an upside down rollercoaster going backwards as a possible cure.

But I also took the time to learn how to cook, study and admire art and architecture, as well as try to understand the intricacies of finance and credit.

I enjoy going to art galleries and listening to music and reading Shakespeare as much as I'd jump in a heart beat to be among the first to walk on Mars.

I admire Steve Fosset and Mallory as much as I admire Michaelangelo or Vermeer or Mozart or Bob Dylan or even Donald Trump (in his Art of the Deal days).

However, to be self-involved like the man above is perhaps odd in a life-affirming challenge like extreme kayaking.  I wonder why he married at all.

But isn't there also some danger in staying in our comfort zone? Seldom venturing out and going for whatever it is we want?

Jumping out of one’s comfort zone is something our culture prizes…it shows courage, risk-taking, manliness.

What if your comfort zone is eating at McDonalds?  What kind of risk are you taking by going to Burger King?

I’m sure this isn’t the question that Peterman was asking. 

Crazy muhfuggers who constantly take massive risks are stuck at an emotional age of about 17 (can’t speak for the women), regardless of their body’s age.  They can’t grow up and don’t really know what “grown up” looks like.   They don’t have much of an interior life as adults would recognize it.  Introspection would seem to be a foreign concept.

It doesn’t make them bad people; they are frequently held up as heroes and become celebrities by very reason of their lack of fear.  They do the things that normal people, with a healthy sense of self-preservation refuse to do.  Perhaps they are the sacrifices we proffer so we can all of think of ourselves as just like them.  They don’t normally last very long…the odds are not in their favour. 

They typically manage to procreate, leaving a certain amount of human wreckage behind them.  This should be considered a blessing.  Better to be an orphan than to be the child of one of these half-adults.
 

You may be right on both counts, JP. I enjoy challenges, but not those whereby I must risk my life, and I would never have been so selfish as to do something like this when I had DEPENDENTS. A female perspective, one woman's opinion...

In the end, like mountain climbers and extreme sportspeople, what did he accomplish? A personal goal, perhaps, scratching an itch, but as any contribution to the tale of worthwhile human accomplishments-nothing. His wife is either as reckless as her husband, or she put on a brave face in a bad situation. Either way, I'm sure that she'd prefer to have him home.

We lionize the glory hogs and seldom applaud the quiet toilers for civil and worker's rights, food distribution, fair trade, Doctors Without Borders, and so forth. Their humane diligence goes unmarked while rich balloonists and Qomolangma litterers set meaningless records.

Why climb a mountain if you can helicopter to the summit if need be? Why sacrifice men, dogs, and materiel to plant a flag at a magnetic pole when, in a few years, one can fly there in a Ford Trimotor? Why go to the moon, and stop there, just for the sake of saying we did it? Whither the colony? Where the staging base for Mars?

Why are these pointless exercises carried out? Is it fear of second place, excess of testosterone, pride, vanity?

I'm very far from being a prude, but one of the delightful things about this site is the absence of gratuitous obscenity. I hope we can maintain that level of discourse...

I have four great children, all well read and curious about the world.  For the past five years I've been a single parent with full custody of my two youngest, the last one turning 18 on October 6th. None of them ever did anything risky except my soon-to-be 18 year old who enjoys mountain biking and high altitude hiking with me. Well, that is unless you consider ice hockey or snow boarding risky (the favorites ofmy two oldest).

Th risk-taking has taken the form of my oldest making a career for himself in the very tough music business, my next oldest in the marble and tile business, my daugher is an aspiring cook.  None of these businesses are without risk. They all vote. They all know "Dad does his thing" but "Dad's not a fool, either". I've never sort any glory or recognition for any risky adventures.

I have spent many hours cooking meals for men and women who are terminal with AIDS. I give to Habitat for Humanity, and a wonderful charity that gives farm animals to poverty stricken villagers and tribal people who have little in the way of food or "wealth". I also give to a charity that rebuilds the roofs on third world homes and another that provides fresh drinking water to people with no fresh water.

And no one knows I do the above because I do it annonymously. Pride, vanity, testosterone? No at all....I just don't like comfort zones.  

I know many thrill-seeking adventure junkies who do similar things. That idiot in a kayak is just that: an idiot. 

Olivia,

Very, very nice photo!  

I fear the poor kayaker is being pasquinaded. Had he survived and completed his journey, he would become a subject for apotheosis. But because he didn't, he is getting labelled as irresponsible and a runner of fool's errands.

Facts are pesky things: we didn't know him; we don't know his wife; we cannot know the nature of their mysterious covenant (marriage). We don't know what his real motives were, or what informed them. By the measures we seem tempted to apply to Mr. McAuley, we should now revise history and label every crew member of the shuttle Challenger as being selfish, unfit to have procreated, and suffused with an irredentist adolescent narcissism.

Yet the Challenger crew carry the patina of heroes, and poor Mr. McAuley gets drubbed as a self-absorbed ne'er do well half-adult.

I must say, I agree with youall thusfar.  Once you've taken on life with a family, I would think they'd become an important factor in your decision-making process.

This issue of risk-taking came up in our family not too long ago.  We were living in an apartment on the beach, waiting for our house to be rebuilt after a fire.  My husband is a year-round windsurfer, and went out one day when the south wind was pushing a lot of waves on the beach.  He'd been windsurfing for at least 25 years and had been our in similar conditions before.

But this time, he got caught in some waves behind a rock seawall.  The waves knocked him off his board, shredded his sails against the rock, broke his mast in half and pushed his board far out of reach.  He languished in the waves, unable to move for at least 5 minutes.  How do I know?  I was watching him from the beach, with our 3-year-old in tow, unable to do anything lest it leave our daughter completely orphaned.

Another man was watching, and hopped up on the seawall.  We encouraged my husband as he he shook his head helplessly, imagining it was the end.

Then by some outrageous luck or miracle, a wave washed him up on the rocks, uninjured save for some healthy scratches and bruises.  We picked up what we could of the debris and got him straight into a hot tub...

Then, as you all could imagine, we had a very serious talk about what had happened that afternoon. One year earlier, almost to the day, we had survived a cataclysmic house fire by escaping out of a window in the middle of the night... were we going to enjoy a near-death experience every year?

Needless to say,  my husband is no longer 25 and single; he had enough of a fright that he will never surf under such conditions again.

I used to do a lot of sea kayaking, and I'm a pretty cautious guy -- but, I can't see why the word 'idiot' or 'selfish' are being thrown at this fellow. All of life consists of risks, and we can either cower and be terrorized by them, or 'gut them out'.  As for the word 'selfish', wouldn't a wife who insists her husband stay at home where it is safe be just as guilty of selfishness as the guy who takes up a challenge?  I have known idiots (both kayakers and scuba divers).  These are folks who take risks without knowing what they are, and without thinking through both the upsides and downsides.  They are fools not because they expose themselves to danger, but because they don't use their brains to calculate the odds and to 'turn the odds' in their favor.

As for 'leaving a wife and small child', sooner or later we all die, leaving behind loved ones.  The prudent take out insurance policies (to provide for their economic well-being).  Wives remarry; kids have uncles and grandfathers and step-fathers for those who take risks and lose life's lotteries.  The world goes on... 

Life consists of love, among other things, and love of adventures is just as real a love as that of a man for a woman or of his child.  I've known combat fighter pilots in my time, and they seem a 'breed apart', too.  And not all come back.  Their wives and families are not 'average' because they vicariously participate in their husband's commitment to machine and challenge.  Do they fear for their safety?  Absolutely!  And yet I don't hear folks calling fighter pilots 'idiots'... I sometimes do, but not because of the risks of combat.  I call them idiots because they work for corrupt cowards who themselves won't put their hides at risk, but 'delegate' that task to others.

There seems to be a consensus that Andrew McAuley was thinking only of himself in his last moments... Maybe.  But on the odd occasion I've been very close to death my thoughts were of the loss I expected -- that and a sense of loneliness impossible to describe and frightening to even remember.   Loss?  Yep, friends, family, loved ones -- they were all going to go 'poof' and disappear forever.  None of us have any idea what his last thoughts were.  Let's at least give the guy the benefit of the doubt. 

And.... sea kayaking is exactly analogous to life... it's just more stark.  We all live under threats of extinction every day.  We are NOT safe.  We expose ourselves to death daily.  And the real idiots are those who think humankind can hide under a rock and avoid the CERTAINTY of death.  Ain't gonna happen, folks. 

As for me, my hat's off to Andrew McAuley.  It was a great way to go, Andrew, and I'm glad your survivors miss you!  We shall all be joining you in oblivion soon.  Bless you!

P.S. None of the following could have been done by an idiot! 

In 2003 he made the first non-stop kayak crossing of the Bass Strait. In 2004 he kayaked across the Gulf of Carpentaria. In 2006 he led an expedition to the Australian Antarctic region that involved paddling over 800km in the Antarctic belt. ... the first person to kayak the Tasman Sea from Australia to New Zealand....

His luck simply ran out.  As will all of our luck eventually run out!

Peter-Thank you! I thought I needed to update...took that last night after returning from a Clinton School for Public Service lecture by James Polchek, the World-Famous Architect of the CSPS and many other structures. Now there's accomplishment for you.

I don't disapprove of this kayaker, or any other risk-taker, because they fail, or lose their life but because they give it or risk it for an end that is essentially meaningless. Peary, Scott, Amundsen, Mallory, Hillary et al-whether they failed or succeeded is ultimately pointless. Richard Halliburton between the great wars, Steve Fosset recently, went places and wrote books about them for notoriety. I suppose armchair travelers can enjoy vicarious exploits through others such as Paul Theroux and Bruce Chatwin, but ultimately, what's the meaning? I know, we're supposed to celebrate their daring and temerity, the 'because it's there' syndrome, and that's fine if no one depends on you for anything other than a good read.

Sometimes it's a lot braver to get up and go to work every day, when your efforts can provide an example of how to live responsibly to your kids.

Yeah, it's braver sometimes to do things you don't want to do and live in the big picture rather than the moment... you've got to consider the emotional needs of your loved ones - it aint all about the money you'll make for them while alive, or what you'll leave behind once you're dead...

You might be the first person to walk to work balancing an egg on the end of your nose, too, but so what? That Guinness book is full of people who need to get a life. I hate cliches, but in this case I think it's relevant.

Heiress,

At an almost stag banquet, I think it was "The Ruffed Grouse Society," a man in his forties and late to have taken up serious swimming, was wondering what, if anything, would be beyond his awesome abilities.

A smiling younger fellow asked: "Ever done any surfing?" And talked for a bit about what it entailed in terms of unexpected immersion, pummeling by the waves and the risk of being dragged out or dashed upon the rocks.

It was pretty clear that the, now subdued, would be Johnny Weissmuller had not given much thought to water that did anything but stay put beneath him.

Nor, for that matter, had I come to that.

Because it is possible to call on me on short notice, I have done a lot of people shuttling around our part of the state.

The most interesting of them have been "the arbitrators," a group of smart, thoughtful, good listeners called in to settle disputes in small business, neighborhood, family and personal disputes.

The parties involved will have agreed in advance to abide by their decisions.

One of the arbitrators, a man in his fifties, had a great story about the Harley that he had won in a raffle. A big Harley.

He had taken the requisite courses, obtained the biker's license, bought the leathers and a good helmet and set out to enjoy that dog with its head out the car window sensation of freedom in the open air.

On his first ride during which he really let it rip, he caught more air than anticipated:
The motorcycle "left the road" as they say and he knew it had done so because he turned it, struck a pyramid shaped pile of utility poles on the roadside and launched him into space.

He had, he said, sufficient time to regret that he was about to die somebody else's death.

It is well known that most pilots would rather crash into a cornfield than in water. In fact I heard that as a young boy from a famous aviation pioneer, Steve Whitman, as we soared upside down over the lake.

The same cannot be said of unhorsed motor cyclists in unexpected flight. He plopped down in the middle of a ten foot diameter four foot deep pool that was there only temporarily as part of a field drain tile installation and owing to a lot of rain.

Well, the rest was just about what you would imagine: His biking adventure came to an end, he looked at his family, personal and business life and realized that he had come too close to throwing it all away.

He had, in fact, that morning spent time with his daughter probably the only sophomore on that college campus to be walked to school by her dad.

I have to agree with the statement "I wonder why he married at all." 

My mother, while not a risk taker per se, was a person who lived her own life on her own terms.  Having said that, and even though it involves me, my brother and my father, she should never have married and had children.  When one has a family; when one chooses to have children, there are certain responsibilities attached and those are implicit in that decision. 

 I suppose I've always taken a minority view when I hear of "that mountain that must be climbed", I wonder "Why?"

Expat I share your sentiment above... why even marry at all.  Adrenaline junkie?  Fine.  No one would ever say (except maybe a mother) you can't pursue passions and adventure as a single defining moment... but at the expense of a wife and young child I would question.

My quiver is full at my house.  Having four children of my own (all under 12), just walking into my house is an adrenaline rush by itself.

Personally, I'm not impressed by his attempts across the waters, but I'm left with sorrow for the ones he left behind.

I'm reminded of a scene in the movie, The Patriot, when Mel Gibson's character is challenged with the pending war looming at his doorstep and the men of the town trying to coax him to fight.  A widow, with children - his reply:

"I'm a parent, I don't have the luxury of principles."

I understand all too well what it is to lust for adventure and the thrill of the “rush”… and having sons you see it in their eyes and actions.  There is some internal motor that they know not of - that pushes them to the edge… but once you become a parent, once you take the responsibility of caring for another’s life you must put your actions under check and balance as you affect more than just yourself.

With that I drive slower, I look both ways, I don’t try and run that guy off the road who obliviously just cut me off on “purpose”… I throttle myself back because I have them to care for and guard...  And I wouldn’t change that for any Everest in the world.

Wheatgrass: I'm the eldest of five. We're all teenagers. I empathise with my mother.

When I read this in Mr. Peterman's post:

"It’s hard to listen to all this and not feel anger towards some self-involved, adrenaline junkie, leaving a wife and a small child—with an imprint of how not to live a long life."

It made me recall my reaction to watching Into Thin Air. I was pregnant at the time and it did make me angry. Selfish IS the word I was thinking.

But to play devil's advocate with myself, I often, as a mother, consciously push myself to live out more adventures, specifically for my sons' sake. I know that I learned more from my parents actions (successes AND failures) than I did from their verbal directives. So it's tough. 

But when I say 'adventure' here, I'm not speaking of Everest. In my opinion, those trips are out until the kids are out of the house. And even then, I'm not sure. My trip to Chicago has been planned much differently than it would have been pre-motherhood. The very fact that there is a 'plan' is proof of that.

I will say this, though, I believe it's different for mothers than it it for fathers. I'm crazy enough to believe that the two are intrinsically different and therefor behave differently. I imagine fathers spend more energy raining in the adventure lust, while mothers have to challenge themselves to retain some of it—to lead there children rather than just hover over them. And I think both sexes  should do just that, push themselves to fight those urges.

We had a fantastic discussion related to this on my site yesterday. Wonderful posts from the Peterman crew and from the author, Ayelet Waldman, who wrote the very controversial article in the New York Times, "MotherLove."

Good stuff today.

http://sandinmyswimsuit.blogspot.com/2008/09/total-eclipse-of-heart.html 

Stoney,

Thanks for the story... reminds me of my neighbor, whose husband is desperate to get her on a motorcycle, although she already has a scooter.  She is terrified of the thing, because she is a violinist and a bad spill could be the end of her livelihood, at best!

Maybe he was just a guy, trying to make a living. And this was better than a desk job. He had to be getting money from somewhere. And he must have had a deal with National Geographic in place.

It was obvious he couldn't have been that crazy because he did survive...until the last excursion that killed him.

And here we are carrying on about his wife and child (with some justification) and she in essense says, You taught me how to live." Metaphorically speaking I presume. What JP, I think, is getting at.

This guy reminds me in a way of the Crocodile Hunter who seemed to have figured out a way to make money taunting dangerous reptiles, dragging them out of their cozy nests frequently getting bitten in the face and hands all while endangering staff members, his wife and on at least one occasion, his infant child as well.

The familiarity with his life and "career," and the outpouring of grief and sympathy at their termination, took me by surprise.

My view seemed to have been shared by the comedian, Norm MacDonald, who in an interview with John Stewart, suggested that despite his own cynical opinions about the guy, it had been: "Sort of sad news... at the time."

It was the next day.

This guy was probably a great man, husband, and father because of his high testosterone drive. Risk taking was who he was, how he lived. I do not see his actions as selfish. Nor do I pity his wife (I do feel bad for her loss). She knew exactly the kind of man she married. The change him--dare I say tame him--would have effectively killed him. He would have been a shell of his former self and probably would have become a bitter and resentful man. I say kudos to wife for falling in love and embracing this man for who he was. She knew full well the risks of having a child with him, yet she felt the reward was greater than the risk.

Without men like Andrew McAuley, where would our world be? We need those restless men (and women) to take those chances, to live outside the box, and suck every drop of marrow out of the bones of life. My guess is that some of the greatest discoveries in the world were made by people of the same character as McAuley.

McAuley's life reminds me of a quote from the movie "Strictly Ballroom": "A life lived in fear is a life half lived." The entire McAuley family clearly embraced this motto strove to live a full life. I for one hope my life will be lived with half as much vigor as theirs. Now, that doesn't necessarily constitute jumping out of planes, climbing mountains, or paddling across Tasman Sea in a kayak.

I encourage everybody here to find their own Tasman Sea and to cross it. I've spent too much of my life living in fear that I nearly became a boy in a bubble. Well, I say, F*** the bubble and pass me the bone marrow of life. I've got some sucking to do!

Ex-Pat...I don't believe you really exist!  I have never met a Marine who knows who Vermeer is, let alone appreciates his work. ;) 

This guy reminds me a bit of the Crocodile Hunter.  Some people have an unexplainable drive to do dangerous things.  I don't, so I can't judge or rationalize whay they do.  One can only hope that before doing these 'feats', these men and women make arrangements in case of the worst.  If they can't NOT do them, the least they can do is plan for their loved ones in the case of their demise.

Sir Boyscout will probably deploy in February, can't I stop him from going?  No.  Can I try and prepare myself for the worst?  Yes.  If the worst happens will I be prepared?  Probably not.  He's not a Marine because he's an adrenaline junkie but in some ways it is similar.  But he's doing the responsible thing and taking care of insurance and power-of-attorneys and his will, etc.  Do I wish he's just stay home with me?  Hell, yes.  Do I understand that he has to go and why he wants to go?  Hell, yes, but it doesn't make it any easier.  We are still debating about whether on not to try to get pregnant before he deploys (if he deploys).  One of the major factors in me not wanting to try for a child is that I want my children to know their father, I can't imagine trying to raise a child without him.

I will say this in response to Agen666's comment:

I agree that she knew who he was before she married and conceived a child with him. I believe that it is wrong to attempt to change, or God forbid, TAME your mate. Especially a man.

I don't want that job.

So regardless of what I think HE should have done or not done, I think she did the right thing. The memorial service was very brave, actually. Tear jerking.

It doesn't matter which way you look at it, his young son lost a father.  I have the same stories of a wild youth in the late 60's, which is now known as being an "adventure junkie."  I sold the racing motorcycles and kept the old German tourer.  I have another kid and I'm older.  Its my own opinion based on my own experience and age, with a six year old boy, that the consequences of your choices aren't just your own, and you should pause for thought before choosing just what it is you want.  At 30 you may believe you can have it all and you refuse to believe that it could or will be otherwise, and ignore the compromises or consequences that occur regardless of your bravado or self-absorption. 

 At 58 you realise you can't, but you can still make choices.  Guess what, they'll  be compromises.  Some of them will be bad.  Maybe you will consider impact on others.  But I'm inclined to believe that if you want to be an "adventure junkie," realise it may not a fit with being a part of a family.  Guess it depends on the level inherent risk in the "me time."  A risk of death in extreme sporting events may not be teaching strength or bravery, just continuing risk.  There is no one answer.

To: Doc Nolan:

I referred to the extreme kayaker in the article as an idiot in the context of the article itself.  It mentioned he never mentioned his family. His family obviously supported him.  mallory, who lost his life attempting to summit everest, was devoted to his wife as she was to him. Maalory was born in the same part of England i was born in and i tried to climb the same church steeple he successfully climbed as a kid.  The priest had no sense of humor when I tried it...maybe that's why I do what I do, it's a way to show him who's in charge. (he said laughing)

To: Nachista,

Before I joined the marines I was an art history major who also took painting and scuplture classes in college. My original intent was to be an architect. After the marines ( and Vietnam) I decided to follow other dreams. I returned to college but changed my major, perhaps because of my experiences in the service.

I tell people I got a government sponsored trip to IndoChina to see the architecture.

I can still talk about the mysteries of Vermeer's work, the hidden meanings and the use of light.  My favorite is the "The Girl in the Pearl Earrings".....the Mona Lisa of the North (as she's been called).

Whew!!!!..... Let me catch my breath here for a second.

OK, pant ))))) pant))))) pant)))))....that's much better.

I've been stretching my comfort zone by running, with reckless abandon I might add, up and down my newly waxed stairs while holding a letter opener in one hand and a pair of recently sharpened scissors in the other. What a rush!!!!

Gotta go track down that eyeball I poked out now. It's gotta be around here somewhere. I'll try to offer up a serious thought on the subject later.

Your discussion has reminded me of the part in the film "The Bucket List" when Morgan Freeman's wife berates him & Jack for being selfish towards their families & friends by making the choice to accomplish the list.

I can't imagine that this wife who is so willing & brave had not ever had those same feelings while coming to terms with her crazy kayaking husband's next feat.  Heck, I have those feeligns when my hubby goes on the men's ski trips to utah or NM, or even when he decided to go out Muskie fishing. Not the most exciting adreline rushes in the world many would say, but nonetheless I know I can't change him or his "hobbies" no matter how uncomfortable they seem to make me feel. 

Taking risks whether it to be trying the salad that has sun dried tomatoes even though you may not like tomotoes, or being the first Isreali on a space shuttle is what life is all about. Being able to know what risks are REALLY worth taking is what being a responsible adult is all about.

I agree with rings. I just worked out with a new trainer and did things I never I could do in my wildest dreams. True, I'm nowhere near triathalon status but it's a start. And to Ex-Pat, welcome back.

PeterLake,

Wow, you're still here. After your monkey butt, Mama T comment, I was looking around for news of an unexplained Upper Midwestern smoldering cinder with footwear.

Ex Pat ~ If you hav enot you need to read The Girl in Hyacinth Blue"by Susan Vreeland. It's an interesting way to tell a story about a painting. Very short read,but a thoughtful one.  Also she worte about the 16th Century Female Artist Artemisia Gentileschi in the Passion of Artmisia (the French film is pretty good also).  I find her writings about paintiers & the paintings as a whole a little better done than Tracy Chevalier's Girl with a Pearl Earring. 

Although I never did * still don't  "get" that painting of Vermeer's. I do like for some odd reason "A girl Asleep" I think its the detailing shown in the whole picture, you can focus on more than just the subject & find such other exquisite details throughout.    

To:  Gia,

Thank you for the "welcome back". Keep up whatever training you're doing.  Any accomplishment, no matter how small, is a life changing event for the individual.  Never compare yourself to others, never worry about being first...last is good, too, as long as you finish.  There's always someone stronger, faster, smarter, and richer than you. Your real rival is your own self-imposed limitations.

Climbing to the top of the stairs the first time without being out of breath is the same as climbing a mountain.  It's something you did.....it's a first......go celebrate....buy yourself a gift, eat a meal with a friend.....just celebrate.   No regrets!

Stoney,

That may well be tomorrow's headline as I intend to strap myself to the top of the tallest tree, wearing an aluminum foil hat and holding a 5-iron during tonight's T-storms. I just gotta expand the old comfort zone!

Actually, I think / hope that Mother-T would be OK with an attempt of humor at her expense (no matter how feeble it may be).

Peter Lake ~ Are you sure your wife isn't trying to trick you into becoming a the HD TV antenna? & if tha tis the case, can you point north towards WI a little more.. My Ellen Feed been having sparkles lately maybe that would help?

and for those of you who are wondering YES Sparkles is actually an industry technical term...  :)    

My maternal grandfather, who lived to be 99, insisted on taking as many of his granchildren as showed up each summer on a 3-5 day backpack trip in the Great Smoky Mountains National Forest. I expressed grave concern to my mother about this; although he had never smoked, he was emphysematous; I had observed him at the height of exertion, when he would become ashen, sweaty, and would breathe with extreme rapidity.

I asked my mother, "Is it really sound for you and your sisters all to condone this, given certain health issues, his increasing enfeeblement. He could die up there, what with all the extreme uphill and downhill hiking. It wears me out to an extreme, and I am less than half his age."

My mother replies, "If he dies...... so?" She shrugged.

"We're allowing him to put himself at risk just to say he did a massive hike, again. that no one else at his age could do."

My mother answered again: "Sure, we all know he could die up there, but so what? If he dies backpacking in the Great Smokies, ALL OF US CAN BE CERTAIN THAT HE DIED HAPPY AND DOING EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED TO DO. We've all told him to go for it. And your grandmother is all for it too."

Part of the art of living is participating in serious negotiations with fate as to how noble or graceful your exit from this life will be.

Comfortable1

Sincerest blessings to you for sharing such an emotionally rich story with us. Your husband sounds like an amazing man who also had an amazing family.

Thank you

rings90,

I'll bring a pitching wedge along and point it your way.

A short thought about risk.... It's not widely known but the most dangerous thing we all do is to get into our automobiles and drive off from our homes.  We don't have a 'fear response' because (most of us) have developed finely-honed skills which (usually) cope well with the dangers that we encounter.  And then there are the times when folks die or end up crippled for life due to what we call 'an accident', more accurately known as a momentary lapse in judgement or an unavoidable instance of bad luck.

And what are the reasons for which folks die in car wrecks?  Getting a loaf of bread at a grocery... going to an appointment which the customer forgot (he's not there).... making another $150 for a day's labor at work... visiting a relative who frankly wishes he/she could watch TV instead....  Is the risk of death by auto worth these benefits?  (I hope I'm getting my point across).  Life is filled with dangers, and yes, I have known folks who refuse to get in cars because they consider being a passenger in a 'horseless carriage' an indescribably dangerous thing.  (To wit, my grandfather... the few times he was talked into riding in the passenger seat at 25 miles per hour he gripped the door handle in a white death grip!)

So the next time you hop in the car for a vacation jaunt, think: 'What will folks think when they discover I took the insanely dangerous step of driving on my vacation instead of flying?'  (By the by, the actual death count in 9/11 was not about 3,000 people, but 4,500 -- the added 1,500 persons were folks who cancelled their air reservations and drove instead.... taking the risky automobile option instead of the much safer air option....)

Peter Lake -  You're welcome.  It's my pleasure to be among a crowd that can include Vermeer, Harleys and life philsophy in one conversation thread.  What an intelligent crowd you all are!  I only hope to keep up.

comfortable1,

Don't worry about keeping up, this is all about the journey, and not a race.  You have already made this strange stew we have richer.

Comfortable1-Thank you for that story, beautifully told. I almost got through it before bursting into tears. I've yet to bury anyone that close, except my father, who lived a long and rich life and didn't want us to feel bad (though of course we grieved). I dread it.

rings said it well-it's knowing which risks are WORTH taking.

I know I was wild at times-I rode dirt bikes and Harleys with my brothers, raced go-karts, and swam across part of Lake Ouachita on a dare. I wouldn't allow those cheeky boys to beat me at anything, if I could help it, including cussing, although I've since mended my ways. I so hope my kids aren't as foolish as I was, but still I worry. My parents never knew the half of it. I probably haven't heard the worst on my kids, and I hope I never do...

To: Comfortable1,

Your husband sounds like someone I would have liked to have known.

To: rings90,

I like your recommendations.  I've read the Passion of Artemesia....excellent book!

Just a couple of thoughts and then I've got to go attack the trees again. It's a classic cool, breezy, sunny and invigorating day up here in wonderland and I don't want to miss out.

Back to the original question "But isn't there another kind of danger in staying in our comfort zone? Seldom venturing out and going for whatever it is we want?"

A simple answer would be a resounding "yes"; of course there is a danger to being "too safe". That danger is stagnation, atrophy and apathy. It's why ponds of water get stagnant and rivers don't. There would not be any progress without it.

The glitch to this question lies within the second sentence; that being the word "whatever". "Whatever" is often a blank check with insufficient funds. One's right to pursue "whatever", I believe, ends when it bounces against one's obligations and commitments to those who are dependent upon him/her. I think ‘common sense' is vastly underrated by those who push their comfort zones without being prepared to succeed and/or acknowledging the harm that may be inflicted on others.

I also (starting my second and last cognitive thought for the day) was triggered by the use of the word "junkie", as in "adrenalin junkie".

This infers that it is, in some cases at least, an addiction. If it is "addictive behavior" then I don't see much of a different between this and any other addiction that isn't controlled. One can be addicted to drugs, sex, gambling, cigarettes, food, the internet, or in the case of our unfortunate Kayaker, the adrenalin that can only be achieved when taking enormous risks only for the sake of the risk itself.

I think this reasoning let's the air out of our Kayaker's "nobility" balloon but it doesn't condemn him for being a bad person.

One thing I've gleamed from reading all of your thought provoking posts today is that it is by no means a "one-size-fits-all" topic.

It all depends. . . . .

did I say I was going to take a nap or work outsi......zzzzzzzzzz

Doc Nolan - et al - I took my life in my hands and drove to the local hospital last nite to see friends who were celebrating their first wedding anniversary - complete with battery "candles" , a wonderful cake, sparkling wine (by prescription) napkins from their wedding and a chicken dinner - all while he is connected to the tubes that deliver his chemo 6 days at a time, 3 weeks off and then six days more - such bravery and such devotion.  She had seen him through a similar treatment regimen prior to their marriage and he was in remission when they decided "wothehell" (see "the lives and times of archie and mehitabal") they should take the risk and be married and get on with life.

In the midst of this tender scene, the hospital chaplain arrives to be certain that the patient has signed his "end of life" protocols.  I was irritated by this intrusion and the reality that yes, this needed to be in the patient's file, but why was it so urgent at that moment - why couldn't they be left to their evening (I had been invited to be there at least) - but everyone has his/her job to do.  The patient allowed as how it was completed and in his computer case by his bed -he'd give the papers to him Later.  Not to be dismissed litely, the chaplain then inquired if the "bride" had ever been a patient there and wouldn't she want to spare her hubby from making those choices for her - that her wishes could be in a file there, too. Frankly that chaplain risked a blow to the side of his head from that wine bottle at my hands at that point!  He left before I could even growl...

Extreme risk-takers do inform many facets of our lives and our world.  Each of us does the best we can on any given day, and we move on from there.  Bravery is different for all of us, and as we prove every day on PE, we all have wondrous tales to share and tell - and we are all the better for that -

The aggregate, collective wisdom of this group is sui generis. We should band together and market ourselves as a consultancy to help people or entities with problems make wiser decisions.

Another timely post...

There's an article in the news today about how hikers in California just found items that may belong to missing millionaire adventurer Steve Fossett.  (Olivia and ExPat have already brought his name up in this discussion.)

Fossett, who was 63, made his money in the financial services industry, developing an acute understanding of risk that is essential in business, but also in pushing other frontiers.  And push he did.

Fossett was the first person to circle the globe solo in a balloon, accomplishing the feat in 2002.  He was the first to fly a plane around the world solo without refueling, which he did in 2005. He also set world records in both round-the-world sailing and cross-country skiing.  Fossett amassed 115 records in aviation, gliding, ballooning, sailing, boating, mountaineering, skiing, triathlon, even dog sledding- more world records than any other human being.

Quite the adventurer.

Fossett was last seen in September 2007, when he took off from the Flying-M Ranch in Nevada, in a single-engine plane. He said he was embarking on a pleasure flight over the Sierra Nevada mountain range.

A judge declared Fossett legally dead in February. 

The weathered sweat shirt, cash and a pilot's license with Fossett's name found Tuesday near Mammoth Lakes, CA would appear to support the judge's ruling.

An adventurous spirit can come at the ultimate cost.  McAuley paid that cost, too. But what of the rewards?

Our human instinct compels us to explore new places, discover new things and accomplish new goals.  That quality has certainly served us well in the ongoing adventure of evolution.  And it will continue to do so, here on earth and beyond.

Mr. Peterman asks rhetorically, "Who can possibly know what drove (Andrew McAuley)?" No one really, of course.  But McAuley's quote, "I'll be stoked, stoked, stoked that I did it" Is very telling, I think.  It speaks to why we humans do such "crazy" things- the thrill.  The sense of accomplishment.  The pride. 

We're all trying to make our mark on this world, however big or small.  And life doesn't come with an instruction book, nor a mission statement. 

We must create our own purpose.

Roseanne Barr once said that true courage was signing a 30 year mortgage with someone. I suppose that best describes the limits of my own sense of adventure. I don't begrudge others their riskier pursuits, as long as they realize that failure, when it comes, always results in collateral damage. But then, as I understand it, there are plenty of failed mortgages of late that affect us all... 

After re-reading this post I finally found the courage to clean out my closet. Ugh.

Gia I will give you a cheese platter, lasagna, loaf of garlic bread, all the money in my purse ($6 and change) and a chocolate cake if you can find the courage to come clean and organize my closet.  I looked for my courage and I found some lint and a candy wrapper, I have no idea where it went.

Where do the people get the money to do these crazy antics.  I would guess some poor guy worked his butt off making the money he left to his family.  For ones who were clever enough to make a bunch of money before they got too old to do these crazy exploits.  I think there are 2 catagories. 1) the ones who contributed to the general welfare enough to make a lot of money.  2) the ones that conned people.

As for the second group I wouldn't care if they all met McAuley's fate; preferabely, before they procreate.

I put Fosset in the first group.  Many, if not all, of his exploits could lead breakthroughs in  energy conservation and space flight.  Yet he met his demise on doing a very mundane exercise.

How can you measure courage? It probably comes from the hand we're dealt. Overcoming whatever fears are implanted. Getting up in front of an audience and talking. Public speaking actually ranked first in a poll of things people are afraid of...so I guess, I think it was Seinfeld who said, most people would rather be in the casket than delivering the eulogy.

Didn't Fosset know this isn't a dress rehearsal?

To Nachista: Your offer is very tempting however having just decided whether a 12 year old Ralph Lauren blazer is worth keeping, no matter how sentimental the value...(one of at least 500 decisions that had to be made)...I'm completely exhausted. Then again, since I'm absolutely famished, how big is this closet?

Such wonderful posts! Peter, belle-kudos! I would SO love to attend a catered PE conference. JP clothing required, open bar (I'm drinking a mojito right now, and it's NOT that sweet, the way I make it, Missy! :P), comfy club furniture (Peter and ExPat, mark and Doc and the rest of you guys, would it be ok if I perch on the sofa arm and listen wide-eyed?). Then the ladies could retire to our collective boudoir (French for 'sulking place'), to take some post-prandial sherry, while the gentlemen pass the port and compare the size of their...cigars...
Might be fun.

I feel a song coming on, How about You?

Olivia---I am so THERE. I'll bring the Cuban Arturo Fuentes. I want a pint of Guinness pulled the Irish way. I suspect most of the people here are even more cool in real life than they come across as in the internet idiom.

Olivia,

and you sing like an angel . . . . . 

*fanning furiously, batting eyes rapidly, looking down demurely*

Why, Sirs, you are going to turn my head! 

Mark, I'm sure we can find a way to, ahem, pull your pint... *innocent look*

(Blush) Now now Olivia, 'Twas but yesterday that you waxed soaring of spirit over the lack of naughtiness on this site!

Ah (first sip), gorgeousness and gorgeosity!

(Last line filched from Clockwork Orange (film or book)).

No, Mark, I was inveighing against gratuitous obscenity. Naughtiness, should it ever occur, is all in good fun. I'll let you know if I come across any...

No more mojitos for Olivia.

Okay, just took a new pic, dancing to Loreena McKennitt.

The Mojito Dance, not too sweet...

greetings, all,

I am returned safely from North Murder Beach, which was filling up with Harleys and their competitors as I was leaving.

I thought of Into the Wild, too. That book made me angry, not for the risk taking, which I want to talk about in a minute, but for the pure stupidity. When you climb a mountain, there is a risk you wil fall, but when you jump off blindfolded, there is a near certainty you will be injured. There lies the difference between our kayaker and the poor ignorant fool who went into the wild so grossly unprepared.

Here, where such things aren't necessarily as common as people think  or as gothic as they sound, my grandfather had a kinsman who was related to him three different ways. That man never married. In spite of having been in his fortiesat the time, he took private flying lessons and became some kind of special transport pilot during WWII. Afterwards, he resumed his life as a forester and it was doing some kind of work in the Canadian North woods ( family mythology says he was looking for uranium- I wonder why they never said he was probably working for the OSS during the war). Anyway, he was working in the woods on the shore of Lake Quesnel- look it up- it is STILL in the middle of nowhere. Like Mr. McAuley's, his canoe was found without him.

I got his name and several years later, many of his personal effects, including a Jardur pilot's watch.

People who take risks are evolutionarily necessary. If you look at the many things that they have done for us, it may be a little easier to tolerate their peacetime antics ( Faulkner footnote here? PLENTY, with Charles Dance and Meryl Streep? Lawrence of Arabia?) Still, loss hurts, regardless of how much fun the lost one was having at the time...

And now, a point of personal particularity. I notice Mr. Swaim has used "waxed", and, while I am not sure I wwuld have said it quite that way, I am pleased he used it as an intransitive verb, with an appropriate modifying clause.  Sure, it is possible to wax transitively- how else do those stair treads get slippery- but I grow ( wax?) frustrated at people who have so often seen it misused that they don't know how to use it. Bravo Swaim. You got it right.

We wax poetical. We might wax poetically if we were to recite whilst applying the Simonize, but otherwise, we grow poetic, poetical, prolix, wordy, aesthetic, etherial, spacey, figurative, metaphorical, perhaps even comparative.

How is THAT for taking risks- a grammar lesson on top of all of this fine and useful discussion- and at the hands of an arch-ungrammatical guy who has been AWOL for three days?

WT   

WT,

Welcome back, just in a nick of time...

Olivia,

Once again, great photo, mojito in motion.

WB, WT!

PL, ty!

J. Peterman,

Ooohhh yess, Yes.
Best Honor roll call evah!

Comfortable1,

What he said!

Willie: Thanks for the compliment. (By the way, it's 'ethereal'). I think you and I could have some terrific long conversations. Kingsley Amis apparently had a pet peeve about the problem you mention, and was known, when finding it in a manuscript, to shout with glee to all present: "OPEN WIDELY!"

My language hang-ups sometimes make me come across as having the anile prigginishness of someone who merely has nits to pick, but

(1) I get all frumious when I hear concepts of amount and number misused. I heard "less dollars" on the TV tonight. It may be 'less money,' but it's 'fewer dollars.'

(2) the near-universal mispronunciation of "short-lived" and "long-lived."

(3) attempts at making "focus," a noun, into a verb.

(4) the disrespect for English as seen on chyrons, where misspelling, misuse of apostrophes, misuse of non-restrictive relative clauses, and just being outright prolix are continuous problems.

(5) people using continuous when they mean continual, and vv.

(6) that too many people still can't get use of "I" vs "me" correct.

Gosh, I sound vituperative....in person I really am a very nice person.

Willie T:  NMBeach is about two hours south of my location.  Not very far in distance, but very distant in topography and style.  Not the quiet, laidback feeling as here in NC.  Welcome back, we missed ya. 

PeterLake:  What in the world is that guy in your avatar doing?  Did he drop that rock on something important?

One more story on bravery... and it's a long but ongoing one.  These friends (a married couple even older even than me) met in a San Diego VA hospital during the Korean War.  He had shrapnel in both legs and she was a USO entertainer.  The docs amputated one leg.  He'd planned on being a journalist but decided that, since he'd always enjoyed sailing, he'd buy a commercial boat... That's how Jack became a one-legged commercial fisherman living in Bodega Bay, California -- so long ago it was a fishing village!  Anyone who knows the Pacific knows that if you end up in the drink and don't get fished out within a half an hour you don't drown -- you die of hypothermia in the frigid water.  Jack fished for over 20 years, as Mary raised their two kids -- and worried about him.  As things go, the docs eventually decided his other leg, still full of shrapnel and increasingly causing problems, had to come off too.  Jack retired.  And they began to fight, especially since Jack began drinking a bit too much and was quite depressed.  They 'split' -- not a divorce but simply a separation -- which endured for another 15 years or so.  Jack went from town to town, wandering, playing chess and supporting himself selling his watercolors at flea markets.  And continued to drink.  Mary went into real estate in Santa Rosa and did quite well, starting off taking the rentals no one else wanted, and eventually becoming a property manager for literally scores of homes.  (And eventually selling them for the friends she made by 'taking care' of their rentals.)  Once a year or so, Jack would come back to Bodega Bay, spend some time visiting friends and Mary, and then heading out again.  And bit by bit he got his life in order and Mary began to think of retiring.  Since they had never been divorced, when they 'got back together' it raised a few eyebrows but also a lot of smiles.  The new agreement was that Jack would be a 'good husband' and Mary wouldn't nag him or keep him from his loves: hunting, fishing, taking long trips into the wilderness, and so on.  They moved (at Mary's suggestion I believe) to a retirement community in Arizona, but Jack would periodically drive up to Alaska, win an elk hunting permit, or simply go off to live in a cabin in the mountains.  And this continued until recently, when he needed to be evacuated after a medical emergency and brought back to civilization and 'the docs'.   I admire Jack for a number of reasons: his courage, his gorgeous paintings, his fantastic sense of humor, his loyalty to his wife (even when they lived apart), his refusal to 'give up', and his ability to make lemonades out of lemons.  My two favorite stories:  Once, riding in his van (equipped with hand controls since his artificial legs didn't do anything for either gas or brake), we rolled up in front of a busy Wal-Mart to grab a few things.  He deftly maneuvered across the parking lot and parked right in front of the sliding glass doors.  'My personal reserved parking spot,' he commented with a grin, referring to the handicapped parking slot we berthed in.  And the other story was his (often repeated) wish to fly an ultralight.  He asked lots of pilots if they could 'strap him in' and they looked at him as if he were crazy or joking -- and would then refuse.  Until one day he found a guy who said, 'Sure!'  So up Jack went, sans legs but less disabled than a lot of folks I know with two legs.  I'm not much into heroes, but Jack -- despite a lot of human failings -- is a man I admire.  (Perhaps in part because he's NOT 'all hero').   Just thought I'd share this with you all.... 

Doc Nolan:  Great story, glad you sliped it in.  Heroes, they come in all forms.

Capt Neptune,

It's Saint Francis of Assisi bending down and talking to a bird.  It is a headstone I found in a nearby cemetery.

PeterLake,  Now, with the aid of my specks, I can see it.  Thanks, always enjoy you photos.