Can't See the Forest for the Trees

I remember reading a few years ago that the Amazon was disappearing at rate the size of texas every day. I calculated that given the size of Texas and the size of the Amazon, the Amazon would cease to exist in about 3 months.

Oddly, it's still there. Someone was wrong.

Saving any of of the earth's natural resources is important.  But the truth goes along way to convincing me, not scare tactics.

And Texas is still there.....Bush should be able to find his way back next January...it's big enough.

Good news, even if not by plan or design, is still good news. 

Positive results, even if they fly in the face of negative actions, are still positive results.

Maybe what has been missing has been the reporting and promotion of the positive actions/results that may be counterbalancing some of the negative actions/results.  It is the bad news that sells after all.

Perhaps they overestimated the rate of destruction of the Amazon's Rain Forest. ....or.... maybe they had to exagerate the data in order to get our attention and change our behaviors? If they did, they certainly wouldn't be the first cause to employ these tactics. In this case however, I do believe their intentions are in the right place.

Personally, I can't even imagine the vast number of variables and assumptions that would be used to calculate something like the rate of destruction of the rain forest.

As ExPat said, "saving any of the earths natural resources is important".

Trees have been an essential part of the economy of the Pacific Northwest since the days when cedar logs were hollowed out for canoes by the native population.  Of course the white man needed them for construction, both here and all over the world.  "Old growth" fir trees in the early 1900s had at least 3,000 board feet of lumber each - and there was no thought of making use of all parts of the tree - just cut them and move on to the next Section.

My grandfather and Paul Bunyan harvested trees in the great North woods around Lake Superior and when there were no more there, he brought his family via the Great Northern Railway, to North Yamhill Oregon.  After he harvested his claim near there, he moved to eastern Oregon and harvested there.  Long after he died, Oregon ran out of timber - old growth timber to be exact.  The next harvest could be shipped to Japan - and it was, in fact, as logs, because no one wanted to retool old mills in the northwest to meet the metric specs of the Far East countries.  

Loggers who had no jobs in the early 1990s blamed the Governor - and they fastened yellow ribbons on their huge trucks and drove around and around the state capitol to protest their lack of employment.  Contributed to the early demise of her mother whose heart was unable to stand the harrassment.

When entrepreneurs realized that trees planted after acreage had been harvested could be logged in a shorter "lifetime" and processed in mills with newer technology - and when they discovered that softwood trees were extremely valuable in stabilizing lands prone to flooding, the outlook changed.  There is life after the "old growth" and thankfully, we have some natural old growth preserved in various "set-asides" that allow for sustainability and an ecologically sound system that celebrates Mother Nature in all of her stages.  Would that we could help others learn such valuable lessons - 

Why is it we encounter greed all of the time?

The forests in El Salvador come as no surprise just as the forests here in the U.S. should be fully expected.  It's hardly a secret that trees are the most replenishable resource we have.

Anyone who looks out the window of a low-flying airplane can plainly see that the notion of our "open spaces disappearing almost to nothing" is patently absurd.  If you study the statistics, you will find that every town in this nation, larger than 2,500 people, could double in size and 90% of the country would still be undeveloped.

Kudos to Susanna Hecht for acknowledging that there is more to her work than the status quo of environmentalist fearmongering.

In a world of constant change, it's amazing that extinction is considered 'degradation' or that 'nature has been extinguished.'  Humans are simply one more species, like kudzu or anthrax bacilli or whatever.  Humans (like bread mold on a damp piece of pumpernickel in the summer) are simply going through a temporary 'boomlet' in population.  Some other objects in nature (e.g. smallpox and dodos and passenger pigeons) are disappearing -- just as the dinosaurs did.  Such is nature.... Unrelenting, remorseless, and irreversibly cruel.  Just like humans.

It has been said that 99.99 percent of all species that have ever existed are now 'gone'.  I'll bet on 'the odds' and guess that homo sapiens will join that vast pool of 'failures' too.

So, if humans tear down their 'life support' systems, it isn't 'unnatural'.  It is just change.  And -- though I won't be around to see it -- after humans the world will continue to evolve, species evolving and filling ecological niches (as kudzu and zebra mussels are doing in North America!)  It's all 'part of nature'... after all it certainly isn't 'supernatural' for all this change to happen....

(Next post will be a bit less sombre... promise!)

As a kid in New Jersey, I used to spend my days 'playing in the woods'.  It never struck me as strange that amid the tall trees were stone walls -- laid by hand, each rock carefully fitted to its neighbor -- that ran for hundreds and hundreds of feet in between the trees.  They were simply 'there'.

Now I realize that the forests of my childhood had once been open fields, cleared by backbreaking labor (in the 1700s?  1800s?).  At one time crops or animals had occupied these 'cleared lands' (why else build a fence?).  It weirds me out to think of my lack of time perspective when I was four and five, simply accepting stone walls in the woods as 'the way it is'.  I think a lot of folks assume that the 'stone walls' of modern civilization are 'just there' (remember the Twin Towers?) and that nothing can ever move back in and take it all over again.... And then there are the Mayan ruins of Yucutan.  

It's sort of cool to think that all man has done can be undone with time.  What's a bit depressing (at least for this curmugeon) is the lesson of the walls in those New Jersey woods.  As small kids, we amused ourselves by tearing them down, stone by stone.  And those stone walls (at least the ones we ruined) will not be rebuilt in the same form they occupied when the humans savages we were discovered them.  

In a certain way, it's the old philosophical 'dispute' between Platonists and the followers of Heraclitus.   Forms versus change.  Solids versus liquids. And so on....

Yeah, second post turned out a bit sombre too. :-/  I apologize.

Hey, Doc,

Since you seem intent on lightening the mood, I will point out that my only-slightly-larger-than-most urban/suburban lot has well over 100 pine trees. 50 trees in an acre ought to be woods, oughtn't it? I never quite got the connotational difference between woods and forest. Maybe somebody can help me out.  I don't really live in the woods, but all kinds of wildlife live in my yard.  I think the average hawk or migratory bird probably figures my house is a smal nuisance among the other attractions.

And I guess that is what the Salvadoran birds have come to think, too. 

OK, now on to other things. In this time of uncertainty, cash is definitely king. In six months, will we wish we'd spent more of it on cashmere sweaters or on cans of beans? That is, is the "financial meltdown" like the Bad October of 1987, like the stock market dip after 9-11, or is it like the Bad October of 1929? When next October is here, are our belts still going to be tightening, or will we wish we'd taken greater advantage of the temporary situation? 

I hope everyone has a glorious day.  It is my grandson's first birthday and we are having his party at an orchard among many trees, so I can't stay long.  I am sure most of you already know this but one single tree, over a 50 year period will generate $31,250. worth of oxygen, $62,000 worth of pollution control and will recycle $51,000. worth of water.  Now I agree with Ex Pat that I don't appreciate scare tactics but give me the facts.  People of the world do need to pay attention and consider the globalization (aka transformation) positives and negatives.  Simply put...

Trees

A Poem defining trees by Joyce KILMER - 1886-1918

I think that I shall never see

A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest

Against the sweet earrth's flowing breast;

A tree that looks at god all day,

And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear

A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;

Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,

But only God can make a tree.

No matter how much we advance in globalization the simplistic words above really put it into perspective for me.

Enjoy your day!

It's a very warm and sunny day and the Fall Color Festival is happening at the Morton Arboretum, . . . .I just want to feel the warmth of the sun on my face every chance I get before winter sets in. I hope you all enjoy today too!

One of the many things I like about Little Rock is the experience of flying into our little National Airport. If the day is clear and you can look out a window, you see trees. Mainly trees, with a few buildings sticking out here and there. I remember coming home and the couple in the seats behind me exclaiming "Where's the city? All I see is trees!" We have many many parks, even though everyone grumbles about parking lots. We have, in North Little Rock, Burns Park, which I understand is the largest city park in the nation. There are developers who only see money in clearing and burning and building stick structures, but so far they're outnumbered. Most public officials understand that another strip mall is not the most important thing we need. We have a landscaping law for the urban areas-every building must plant trees and both towns (Little Rock and North Little Rock) have embarked on a sidewalk-building enterprise that is roundly applauded. Our River Rail system is extending the trolley lines. But it's our green spaces that really make it nice. Parks are encroaching on waste ground all up and down the river banks, with bikeways and the Big Dam Bridge, a pedestrian and bike path, over the lock and dam closing one end of the huge pedestrian loop that's been planned for years. As soon as the project for the old railroad bridge by the Clinton Library is finished, we'll have a several-miles-long (I forget the exact number, but it's impressive) promenade on both sides of the river. Saturday the Convention Center was given over to the Natural State Expo Green Home Show, a project of the Arkansas Sustainability Network. Local organic food, xeriscaping, home energy improvement, all that good stuff we need to be doing, was on display. Admission was free. It's a yearly event. I wish it was monthly, but at least we're doing it.

Not that long ago, many people were close to giving up on the Greater Little Rock area. Greed and short term exploitation were the rules of the day, but we finally got some progressive thinkers who saw a way out of the death spiral, and were able to convince the right people to make some fundamental changes in zoning and other practices that were killing the inner city. Now we have more preservation of natural beauty, and people-friendly progress to go along with the low cost of living and Southern charm. We still have a long way to go, but at last we're making some of the right choices.

And no, I'm not a member of the Chamber of Commerce-I just like my town. A lot of people here would shush me, we're supposed to be a secret!

Olivia,

Little Rock sounds like a slice of heaven that is in good hands.

Peter-there's always a struggle with the dark side. They're currently trying to undermine our public school system, and develop upscale homes in the catchment basin and right around the drinking water reservoir, Lake Maumelle. The City Council, many of whom never met a developer they didn't like (some are developers themselves, a case of the fox guarding the henhouse), initially just rubber stamped the project, but the Water Department found their backbone when the population rose up and we nearly had a revolution, with torch-burning throngs marching up to the castle in the dead of night. So far we've kept the bad guys at bay. It seems like a no-brainer. You don't develop expensive homes on hillsides above your DRINKING WATER, for heaven's sake. Our tap water is some of the best in the nation, but add the pesticides, herbicides, sewage and soap from dishwashers and clothes washers going into that? Insanity.

We have a monopoly situation in daily newspapers, the scoundrel (IMHO) who owns the local rag having destroyed the wonderful Arkansas Gazette (oldest newspaper west of the Mississippi) through what I consider dastardly business practices. This rich meddler is also involved in the undermining of public school education by bankrolling so-called 'charter' schools that cherry-pick the best students from other schools. Oddly enough, they've taken almost exclusively white students-imagine that! So, all is not perfect, but the forces of truth and justice have finally woken up and flexed a few muscles in the courts, and so far we're doing ok.

Things could always be better, but they could be a whole lot worse, too.

Olivia,

That sounds just like DeKalb, except you have a much nicer climate.  The "in good hands" refers to people like you who will stand up and slap some common sense into those who can only envision the short-term at the expense of the long-term.

Gotta go see some trees.

Mack Daddy quoting'Trees' by Joyce Kilmer brings back another precious memory from high school.  A good friend (then a friend and still a friend) discovered that the library at Rutger's University (New Brunswick, NJ) had a collection of Kilmer documents -- the originals -- saved from oblivion.  And being ignoramuses, we headed over to Rutgers to see them.  It would never happen now, but the librarians were impressed that we were interested in Kilmer and let us into the sanctum sanctorum.  We spent a couple of hours rifling through the documents, reading them -- happy as pigs in you-know-what.  It was a crazy adventure!  I can't believe we did it!  And now, almost nobody even remembers Joyce Kilmer (except occassionally for a single poem). Life is good!

People, especially Republican people, like to blame the Clintons for all our societal ills, but they have been the touchstone around which our town has reinvigorated itself. There were a lot of cranks who begrudged any tax money to help with the building of the Clinton Library, but it has transformed our city and our state. Built on a weedy, polluted site of former warehouses in run-down east LR, the area now is also home to Heifer International, and other international instututions are coming in. I frequently attend the Clinton School for Public Service (the only such school in the nation, housed in a beautiful, reclaimed old train station by the Library) free lectures. Here's a link to this world-renowned little school that's literally making positive changes the world over:

http://www.clintonschoolresearch.com/

Like all of us, the Clintons have their faults and virtues, but this is, and will be, a long-remembered legacy of good will to the world.

Click on the link top left (View All Speakers) for the speakers who've come to us, and you might be astounded, as I am, that we receive the benefit of experiencing the thoughts of this amazing group of people, all for FREE. They invariably thank US for having them! The CSPS, the Clinton Library, and Heifer International are all cutting edge green buildings, the Library having won major international awards for its technology. I still can only marvel and be thankful for the truly amazing changes that have come about because of Bill and Hillary and their associates. Bruce Lindsey, Skip Rutherford (current dean of CSPS), Senator David Pryor (first dean of the school), First Lady Ginger Beebe, and many more 'just folks' people have contributed so much to our cultural awakening.

Our wonderful, unabashedly and courageously liberal weekly newpaper employs many of the Gazette survivors, and works hard to maintain a loyal opposition presence. I love them. Here's their link, and some others you might enjoy, for a quick overview of my world:

http://www.arktimes.com/

http://www.heifer.org/site/c.edJRKQNiFiG/b.183217/

http://www.todaysthv.com/

http://www.therep.org/

http://www.arkansassymphony.org/

http://www.kuar.org/

I'll be here (following link) as much as possible next week-it's always just extraordinarily good! Held in an antique theatre just down the street from Al Capone's summer retreat, people from all over the world bring their documentaries for one of the best festivals anywhere, growing every year. It's about an hour's drive from me, in Hot Springs, a cool spa town with hot water fountains all over the city, restored antique storefronts, hotels, and a WAY cool bathhouse row from the first decades of the last century, and (YAY!) beaucoups art galleries and restaurants.

http://www.hsdfi.org/index.html

I have a guest room if anyone's interested lol. We're a small state with a small budget, but we do nice things sometimes. I haven't even STARTED on Eureka Springs. It beggars description for quirky cool and fabulous architecture, art galleries, amazing geography, and so forth.

http://www.eurekasprings.org/

Ok, I'll shut up-I'm probably way past tedious already. But like small clothes boutiques, little exquisite hotels, and other little lovely things in delicate balance, Arkansas, with all its faults and problems, is a treasure, in my opinion.

One more thing-DO THIS! I'm pretty sure most of you will find this highly entertaining and addictive, and you do a GOOD THING when you play.

http://www.freerice.com/index.php

Utah is a desert.  If you've ever seen early photos of the Salt Lake Valley or my own Cache Valley, there is nothing but sage, dust, and a few hardy willows clinging to pitiful stream banks.  The pioneers that settled the area developed extensive irrigation systems and one of the first things they did to "civilize" their settlements was to plant trees. 

Now you can't drive anywhere along the wasatch front without seeing hundred year old elms and maples and pines.  Not to mention the fruit orchards that sprung up when they discovered that the banks of the foothills had a rather unique microclimate that allowed fruit trees (and not much else) to flourish.  New green-space laws have helped to not only improve the look of towns but it helps add trees and plants to the ecosystem as well.

Not that you can see much landscape today, the clouds are heavy and low.  It has been snowing off and on since Friday night.  Makes me wish I had a fireplace and a good record player.  On nights like this my dad would turn off the tv and turn on his old jazz or blues or classical records, light a huge fire, turn off most of the lights and we'd sit with our hot chocolate and toast and just enjoy the warmth.

Did anybody see the History Channel program, Life After People?  It showed just how fast nature would reclaim everything and just how quickly, even, DPR, how fast NYC would revert to forest.  Puts things in perspective rather well.  We are not so much the cause of the end of things, we only temporarily may change them.  Nature is much stronger than we give it credit for.  One of the problems, however, is the loss of plants that would be such a help in places like medicine.  If we simply plant more trees and discount the diversity, the eco-system is not the same at all.  Tis a conundrum.

By the way, our son worked on the CG effects on that program, that is why I am so aware of it.  If you see it, he did the aging and disinegration of the small-town store front.

DN: I figured there were a few of you out there who would recognize the poem by Joyce Kilmer besides me.  It is true, the words are simple in the poem but sometimes that's all that's necessary to figure out the solution to a problem.  It seems to me that the answer to defining and solving the negative issues reference globalization within any realm lies within each of us.  Nature is resilient.

By the way...the birthday party was awesome.  Many, many trees, fruit and otherwise.  The fields of bright orange pumpkins were delightful.  Wide-eyed, happy, kids in abundance.  Pony rides and hayrides.  Huge slides built into hundreds of stacked hay-bales.  The food...well... the fried apple pies and pumpkin donuts filled the air with uncontrollable urges to grab a basket and hide under an apple tree and consume until I burst.  But you will be proud of me...I resisted.  I did have a nice, sensible lunch.  But damn...I wanted that fried pie awfully bad!

Sweet dreams!   

Have to laugh a little, I spent my early youth killing trees in the adirondacks at the direction of the Department of Environmental Conservation.  My brothers and I would girdle the trees with axes and my dad would spray some poison in the girdle.  The trees were white pine and were left from a CCC planting on 6 x 6 spacing.  40 years later (the late 60s, early 70's) they were killing each other, and we were saving the best.

Yes a lot of virgin forest is gone but a lot of new growth is recovering.  I have seen pictures of parts of the Adirondacks and Vermont clear cut around the turn of the century which people would think is virgin forest now.  The farm where my children reside when not at college has a large cherry stand, my favorite furniture wood, which has to be harvested every ten years or so.  The portion that was vegetable fields is now brush with tamarack trees growing through it.  There is a stand of spruce there which you cant walk through, once again bad planning on spacing for growth.

Drove though the berkshires today, color was magnificent.  Forest live on despite us.

It's interesting that so many people make a distinction between 'nature' and 'humanity' as if homo sapiens weren't just a very weird part of nature, too.  From our very cells (inhabited by bacterial remnants known as mitochondria -- which produce our energy), to our brains (a web of neurons), to our red blood cells with their cargo of hemoglobin we are as natural as any tree, beetle, rabbit, cockroach, or tiger.

Nature isn't 'around us'... we are part and parcel of nature.  Try to imagine seeing without eyes, hearing without ears, thinking without a brain, walking without legs, or smelling without a nose...  We are so much a part of nature that if you take all the nature out of a human body, there is nothing left....

For those who can imagine people 'apart' from nature, try spending a day on the moon without 'life support' equipment.  It will be a excruciatingly short day!

New here, hello all.

Trees is a subject near and dear to my heart. Although the Pacific Northwest has a natural abundance of them, the place we moved to 10 years ago had been clear cut, cross-fenced and turned into a pig farm. Happily, that made for some nice rich soil. We've torn out all the fencing and planted hundreds of trees, including maples, firs, cedars, pines, apples, aspens, spruces, even a hawthorn and a pomegranate. Today the sugar maple in the front yard is flaming orange and the apple trees have yielded an abundant harvest.

Apart from the good they do for the environment, they give us privacy and much joy. The most peaceful feeling I know is when I'm out walking among them, some now towering 25 feet overhead. Hopefully they'll be here long after we're gone and forgotten. The best things are the simple ones.

Welcome, blue-great post, and sounds like you live in a beautiful place!

I realize that I neglected to mention that among the hills my grandfather logged are now some of the most wonderful and delightful vineyards and wineries that provide Oregon's fragrant and highly prized pinot noirs - 

sadly the man responsible for this phenomenon died this past week - and we will honor his passing and his passion - and the incredible pinot grapes that grow where giant trees once lived

I do not think I'll ever see

A billboard lovely as a tree

Indeed unless the billboards fall

I'll never see a tree at all

Sometimes my mind just begins to 'free associate', and I have yet to gather my wits this evening in any focused way . . . . I LOVE nature and among favorite aspects, such as the beach, are TREES and birds. . . . But my thoughts tonight are anything but scholarly. . . . I am a bit perturbed by my OKCupid Profile at the moment, as I am beginning to think that it likely won't be a vehicle in which my Prince Charming arrives, EITHER; perhaps I simply don't HAVE one.  How can God give you the DESIRES OF YOUR HEART (= PLANT them WITHIN you) and then leave them as a seeming IMPOSSIBILITY (although I DO know that NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE with God)?  I worked HARD on that Profile, as a REAL part of this jobhunting I am doing, inasmuch as my former JOY 'job' was, in fact, keeping a home as a 'Domestic Engineer'.  I described myself accurately and set my filters definitively; I thought.  The site lately sends me DEPRESSING Profiles such as of men who are MARRIED and looking for "casual sex encounters" because their "marriage has lost its spark". GEEZ!  I STATE in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS THAT I am seeking to be in a Christian marriage of my own with a Godly man!  I looked in the mirror today and said, "God, PLEASE show me what you even created me FOR!", as I can TASTE the FLAVOR essence of a life, sense or INTUIT a life for me--- much  like seeing the SHADOW of a substantive FORM looming ahead when the material presence has not yet turned the corner to come physically into view.  I can SEE it, within me, somewhere, and somehow FEEL it, vicariously, LIVE in it within my imaginings, yet I have NO IDEA how to "get there from here". . . . FRUSTRATING!  Sigh! ANYWAY . . .

We certainly don't waste the trees for any paper upon which to communicate with one another here in cyberspace.  Is our Forum, then, a GREEN endeavor? 

Oddly enough, I was pondering trees today for this Forum when I suddenly recalled . . . didn't Cher's ex-husband, Sonny Bono DIE on a ski slope from plowing (literally) into a TREE?  What a SIGNIFICANCE in the meaning and destiny of life THAT tree held for HIM! (And, HE held for the 'destiny' of THAT tree!) How many times had he perhaps gone skiing past this VERY tree without EVER encountering it in such an unfortunate and destructive way? . . . .It grew strong and tall for how many YEARS in that very spot and in only one or two SECONDS of its total existence killed him when he encountered it in this hazardous way.  Trees are passive, benign, sheltering, shading, beautiful, . . . yet CAN do such a thing.  One other 'tree' impacting ONE life and ALL life, to me, would be the Cross. . . .

Was it Olivia who taught me that often the Forum topic merges into rather a "soup du jour", as well as a THOUGHT for the day?  Today in Omaha we didn't yet get the predicted rain.  It was low 70s and very windy often.  The leaves are turning and dropping, and this time of year I turn to craving BBQ beef for sandwiches, simmered in the crock pot, pot roasts, soups & stews . . . . Today I promised CeeBee I would make us a homemade pizza! He likes to 'help' 'Mommy' in the kitchen and I have dubbed him "Chef Cockatiel"! I make the pizza crust completely from scratch and then add whatever spice combinations I want THIS time to the tomato sauce base.  I try to vary my decisions about type(s) of cheeses and toppings, as it is FUN to make it somewhat different each time.  It becomes more the interpretive 'chefing' than merely (prescribed) cooking, at that point. This Summer I was all about making Homemade Taco Pizza, as the fresh vegetables like tomatoes, lettuce, onion, from Farmer's Market were so GOOD on there!  A cold glass of iced tea--- I was SET!  Today I made a 7-cheese pizza (cheese was on a GOOD SALE at the grocer) with produce from this past Saturday's FINAL Farmer's Market of this season--- onion & assorted colorful peppers.  I added some black olives, that were also on a very good sale at the store, and it turned out really well!  I am not a vegetarian but lean that way due to having to create a menu that is mostly suitable for a human 'Mommy' AND her precious 'baby' bird! Although, CeeBee loves pancakes (plain) and other 'people food' concoctions.  He has been plagued since late May of this year with health issues, suddenly, and I am hoping it is NOT related to the food I give him to eat.  Tomorrow I have to pick up yet another Rx at his vet--- whom I call CeeBee's "pet-iatrician" since he is my 'BABY'! The Dx seems to be getting much more grim, as I continue lifting him up in prayer ongoingly as he WAS a true gift to me from God (that is another 'miracle' testimony, in my life, in itself).  A cockatiel, with excellent care, is said to be able to live 25 years. How FAST the years 'fly' by!!! I can still remember his very first night in my life, at only 3 months old, following me trustingly and innocently down the hallway when he first came 'home' from the pet shop. I love him ALL THE MORE because HE chose ME! . . . NO ONE has EVER impacted my life and BROKEN MY HEART from the SHEER PAIN of LOVING anyone so DEEPLY as this (which is so ACUTELY VULNERABLE for my HEART to FEEL!) except this 100 gram (maybe 1/4 lb) tiny, precious little Angel bird boy from God!  So much is NOT 'right' with my life and I DON'T even KNOW HOW to GET it to BE 'right', yet through CeeBee's unconditional adoration of me as his 'Mommy' I keep trying to put one foot in  front of the other and try, yet again, to FIND an ANSWER that is not only liveable but even HAPPIER for us, at some point. . . . I tell CeeBee all the time, "I can tell how MUCH God loves me because out of ALL the MOMMIES in the WORLD He let ME be YOUR Mommy, Precious!"  This is the FIRST time he's had health issues that weren't simply and quickly cured with one vet visit, and that he has a possible death sentence from, and yet. . . I simply CAN'T imagine my LIFE WITHOUT HIM, anymore, although I AM reaasured that when I am eventually HOME in Heaven, he will come flying straight to me as I also behold my lovely Jesus welcoming me Home! So, I CAN (sigh!) endure yet another impossibly unbearable BLOW to my ALREADY broken HEART, broken LIFE, if God ends up taking CeeBee from me, for now, if I just keep CLINGING to my 'Daddy' God who Sees FOR me in this seemingly impenetrable DARKNESS.  Big Daddy's can ALWAYS see what their little children CAN'T, from their higher vantage point, and so reassure their beloved child that it is, indeed, alright after all . . . . I just HAVE TO KEEP HOLDING His Hand & TRUSTING Him!

The WORST thing I feel, and tears just SPRANG into my eyes as I started to SAY this here, is the TORMENT that MY BEST JUST ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH EVER, AT ALL, to HELP CeeBee, or save us, or improve this situation, or that situation. . . . Yet I told Nicci on the phone the other night that NONE of this MAKES SENSE AT ALL unless I understand and remind myself that even these raging waters are COMPLETELY in the control of my Loving God, and I must admit that while I don't LIKE going through these things (as they make me a bit queasy at times as if I were seasick from these large, crashing waves of circumatnces in my life) I TRULY do LOVE how myself and my friends ABSOLUTELY KNOW that I CANNOT POSSIBLY do anything MORE to save us and so we are actually going right over the tumultuous Falls when God grabs us with His Big Steady Hand and we are safe, alive still, and set back on more firm footing. If life's MESS is for our MESSAGE, to share to encourage others, for a Christian, and the TESTS are for our TESTIMONY, then I KNOW I am beloved of God, because He apparently TRUSTS me to give Him ALL the Glory through a whole LOT of stuff so that myself and other onlookers learn more of Him!

I have to try to land SOME job quickly so I need to close and get to bed; hopefully ALSO to SLEEP.  October rent has NOT been paid, and our world as we know it is on the line here. I am a person that has SEEN God do many AMAZING things in and with my life, though, including THIS year, and, my life is 'prime real estate' for Him to 'develop' to His Credit, so . . . anytime now, God; anytime! I have already lived through TOO MUCH to even really be AFRAID of what life throws at me, anymore; I have GROWN to be fairly FEARLESS overall (exept for a few, personal neuroses, to be sure!). I am more ANNOYED then anything, for two reasons:  I have alot, I feel, to offer, despite my fair share of human faults and foibles, but NO ONE seems to WANT me, at least, for the right reasons, and I suspect NONE of us really ENJOYS 'taking' TESTS of ANY kind if we can AVOID it at all. I am ONLY human!

Candle Light

Best wishes and hopes to you and Cee Bee