Solo Mission

Men and women ARE different, but I'm not sure I agree with the premise that women lack the requisite self-confidence to cut the mustard when the chips are down. Many of the strongest people I know are women, heck some of them are regulars here. Coping with the challenges of surviving in a tough profession is still twice as difficult in many venues for a woman. Raising children is tough in today's world is tough, but when you compound the degree of difficulty by throwing in medical issues and then try doing it solo you must have nerves of steel & a "refuse to lose" attitude that would put fighter pilots to shame. Some men mesure up, however. I'm thinking of Will Smith in "The Pursuit of Happiness," being strong for his son. Nice soundtrack in that film as well.....

G'morning Bert! Now, is that a late night or an early morning ?

At least there was a reason why this lass was lonely, she had a goal to attain and it was a journey that she undertook alone. Sad are those who have loneliness thrust on them, either through illness, under developed social skills, job location, change in life's events (grieving loss, post natal depression etc), or in the case of the elderly, being "stranded" when they lose the ability to drive
Mother Teresa said, "The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved."

Just curious, how many of you here live alone? At the end of this year, my youngest son here will return to Singapore to fulfill his national service duty. For the first time in my life, I will come home to an empty house. It hasn't freaked me out yet but I wonder if I will enjoy the solitude or will I feel loneliness. 

Hello, Bert, SpringF, 
I have met so many people who have had seemingly impossible challenges thrust upon them by life events, that I have little sympathy or admiration for an individual who plans to put themselves in a very stressful, isolated situation and then complains of being stressed and isolated. Silly woman!, if best she could do was have penis envy. I got over that as a kid with three younger brothers doing 'Who can pee highest up the garage wall?' contests. Goodness, she must have known that she would have toilet needs! Why didn't she get 'bum flaps' tailored into her clothing - quick Velcro open&shut. I always wondered how the intrepid early astronauts managed with making themselves comfortable.
SpringF~ My son was so excited about going off to college - when I'd packed him off with his hopes and dreams and a big smile, I retreated to his very empty bedroom and sobbed.

One of my favorite frigerator magnets shows a sketch of a man wearing both a kitchen apron and a smile. The caption: "Behind every great woman is a good little man." Life, however, is not always that happy & uncomplicated. Sometimes a person succeeds not because of but in spite of their "significant other." I worry about my daughter, who at the ripe old age of 19 sometimes sees the world through rose-colored glasses. Parenting is a job that you never outgrow.....

R-E-F-R-I-G-E-R-A-T-O-R.

Great morning, Villagers~Nice to wake up to such a sunny bunch! No frost on the pumpkin this morning...
I suspect the woman who accomplished this expedition did NOT have children, or she wouldn't have accepted the risk of this separation. I'm like you Hazel, Bert, SF...I had one leave the nest last year and one that just flew off a couple weeks ago. Even though they both moved within a 40 mile radius, post partum depression fades in comparison to empty nest. I thought I had a grip, was proud to have raised responsible young fledglings, but cried like a baby watching them go.
If I were, hypothetically, to take this challenge I would insist on 2 dog sleds. One to carry my tent and fur clothing, the other to carry my 60 day supply of brandy. And Wilson, the silent soccer ball...he can ride with the brandy. Perhaps he would make better company for me and Mr Sun. Personally, I would have planned a more tropical location for my journey, but that's just me. Not a huge fan of subzero.

Good Morning All.  Like Hazel, I feel that life throws so many challenges at us, why jeopardize one's health and sanity that way.  And, as Graygoose said, and I agree, I suspect she wasn't married with children.  There were times in my life when I was offered opportunities, jobs, that would have entailed leaving my family for periods of time.  that's not what I, personally, signed on for and so didn't accept them, but to take a chance like that woman, feels frivolous=====================Re:  the empty nest.  Spring you're obviously such a bright, active person, I doubt it will be a problem for long.  The house does resonate with echoes of children and their friends, but it does give you a chance to read, to find things where they were left, to have the satisfaction of seeing a grown child and the a job well-done.  And then they come back with their own children..............what a joy that is.

Fresh Fall Day......Greygoose, saw that you wrote, but use this email, Burgundy, instead; Starting anew and changing my thinking and willing to fix my mistakes in writing, please welcome me back to the village..I apologize for any misgivings.or thoughts of nonsense....or word phrasing without proof reading...I noted the comments and read to memory....I really care about my community and worldlycares too....aka IvyGailWinds...I still want to try to social media write..and write socially responsible, too, and write better, too... no more freeform or quick thinking...more dutiful, mindful, and thinking of world audience listens in...the "camel peaks his nose under the tent," regard...you know and I know thinking...." I do admire all in the village, too....everyone of you....what I do not understand...I will remarkably gain truth.*****Solitude in the mountain snow or oceanside is a welcome pleasure. Tundra woman exploring solo in such harsh cold dangerous conditions is a true adventurer, willing to risk ones' life! When I was young, skiing in the mountains I use to wait all day, till the end of ski-time, to take a powder room break, because the hassel of removing the llbean red longjohns...exit to outdoor fall leaves in a buckskin soft dress and boots...audios amigos!

G'morning all! Hiking 59 days alone in the Antarctic?? No thanks! I have trouble if we get a couple of inches of ice and snow here in winter and I am shut in for 2-3 days! And I have a phone!

Like the other moms, I cried as my youngest (now 42) went off to college, and every time she came home and left again, I'd be sniveling at the door waving goodbye. The son, too, but because he was first to go, and seemed so happy about leaving, there was not the same sadness. He always seemed so independent and glad to be on his own. (You will do fine, Spring!)

She and I talked on the phone several times a week, all the years after she left home...I knew her roommates, her classes, her highs and lows, but my son never seemed to want to share those details...if anything, I'd ask him questions, and he gave me the feeling that I was prying or bothering him to ask. Oh, well, as Bert said, there are apparent differences in the males and females. He is 44 and she 2 yrs. younger, and she keeps me informed almost daily, but I seldom hear from him. After my husband died, I was alone 10 yrs., but so tied up with teaching that I never really felt lonely. I had women friends.

The lady in the CNN article must have had nerves of steel to make that trip. I cannot imagine it. Even a long distance swimmer has a boat nearby. Her confession that the issue of using the bathroom was her greatest aggravation is one to which most of us gals can relate. In that cold, I can't imagine it!

Sometimes, the empty nest may give rise to the feelings in this lyric.....(hope not, we can develop other relationships and friends to compensate...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_P-v1BVQn8

Love it, Moose! Great tune...

Don't forget the premium membership ends tonight at 11 EST...I just happened across the email and had an order ready but was waiting for a promotion to save shipping & handling so it worked out good for me. Thought y'all might want to check it out

Good advice Graygoose...I loved my UPS man. He is like Pony Express. I just got a JP backorder in yesterday and had to sample my wares. I love getting (to use George Carlin's vernacular) "shit" shipped in. Shivers me timbers. http://www.petermanseye.com/photos/613661

Tommy, check out the gorgeous shirt on sale in the last chance section...cant remember the name & I'm hauling hay to "my girls" so cant give u the link, but it looks so warm and cozy...it's maybe a brown plaid something or other...ordered one for my better half...

Andy, you always have very good and toothsome posts, but thw comforting words you offered to SF, I think...... Are indeed exceptional. You bring a lot to the party kiddo!...... And I listen and try to learn.

I have to agree with Hazel, I have a hard time finding sympathy for somebody who intentionally puts themselves in that type of situation...

As far as the empty nest conversation...  Through no control of my own and after a VERY long court battle with my ex, I lost both my girls (who were 4 & 8 at the time) and then had my parental rights terminated so while I didn't get years with my kids, I have a whole lot of the empty nest feeling.  So I sympathize with all of you.  Maybe when my girls turn 18 I will see them again...

I would rather be alone, than lonely.

Had a mistrial declared in a criminal case last week, unfortunate in a murder trial since the entire complicated logistics & preparation will need to begin from scratch, and the family of the victim still lack closure. The woman worked just across the interstate bridge as a waitress in an upscale restaurant. She was the last person you would ever suspect was living in her own special hell on earth. Apparently her skill with makeup kept her bruises and cuts concealed, and she always had her happy and perky game face on, so nobody here ever suspected. The husband was only violent when he drank, but since alcoholism is a progressive disease eventually he was never sober. Finally the prosecutors allege that he hit her just a little too long, and a little too hard. Her friends & family discovered her at home, ironically the place where she should have found to be her safest haven. Somebody in the town where she lived needed to have seen or heard something, serial abusers don't operate in a vacuum, and usually they're leaving an easy and sloppy traIl of clues. We all need to learn to understand the telltale signs of domestic violence, and we need to empower ourselves to unselfishly get involved. Better to be a meddler than to be an ostrich and keep your head in the sand. I've got a call logged in on my daughter's voicemail. Next time we have dinner, I'm going to ask a lot more focused questions, and I'm going to insist that she bring along that boyfriend of hers. Frankly I don't give a rat's arse if he's not comfy with the experience. I know how to be charming at the same time that I focus for any of those little miscues that could be just the tip of a very big iceberg.....

Lonely in a crowd. There are those times. Since becoming a widower, I've learned that lesson over and over. Gatherings of strangers,mostly couples, are the hardest; they all pair off,and find other pairs. The men socialize by sports,or other shared group attachments, and as I am not sport motivated, and belong to no particular fellowship (not counting here, where I feel as a member).  I tend to feel that aloneness, and untill I make friends with the bartender(in that circumstance) or one who extended the invitation, it is as if I am alone,in the desert,white, or sand. The weather may be warmer than the Arctic, but the icy looks, as I am an outsider, can be frosty.  When Pinky and I would go to a function, in no time at all, with her pink hair,and our "vibe", we would attract some companionship. So, I would posit that the lone Lady Explorer may have had less of a troubled time with a companion. Kind of makes me think a schizophrenic might do well in that setting...

RoadYacht, consider going only to friendlier venues. Lots of events cater to singles, it is a lot less awkward...plus there are presumptively eligible women all over the place. Pinky would want you to get back in the saddle. New relationships don't disrespect her memory.....

RY while I agree with BERT that Pinky would want you not to feel lonely, and I am positive there is no shortage of women from whom you could choose....I also understand exactly what you mean about lonely in a crowd.

Years ago--decades--I was sitting in a movie theatre between my husband and my best friend and a like an unannounced cold shower a shudder went through me and I thought that the day would come where I would be sitting there without either of them. This has in fact turned out to be true.

I was terribly excited for my daughter to go away to college and it was only a few hundred miles away. Shopping and getting her ready was all fun and the time until Thanksgiving seemed like nothing. Imagine my surprise on the morning that she left when I burst into tears and remained sobbing in spurts for WEEKS afterward. The same exact thing happened when my son move to CA.
I couldn't even talk to him on the phone without breaking up!

Time....

RY, there is always a front porch, park bench, coffee house in this, our neighborhood where friends can get together, laugh, commiserate, argue and just carry on where you are known, welcome, and amongst friends. And theSepia's club car where your name is engraved on a chair.

I'll wager that all of us here have holes in our hearts that have healed or are healing too slow. It's a risky business for sure; but worth the trip.

Sisyphus just kept rolling that rock all day.
I think perhaps just be busy and you work through it all, regardless of gender &
My inner Camus sez "...The struggle itself toward the heights is
enough to fill a man's or woman's heart.
One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”

I had to pen this before my morning cuppa. Wow, there is so much poignancy and tenderness
through here today.  Where it matters most, I can see there is little difference between male and female. Thank you all for sharing how it felt when the last child leaves - Hazel, Andy, Moose, Graygoose - I expect to bawl my eyes out now when it comes, but I know also that I will see the next day. It's especially hard because the rest of the family is in Singapore, Malaysia, and some on
mainland Australia. Because I am not sure where I want to call "home" in my end years, I know I have psychologically programmed myself to resist any relationship possibilities here; so that there is nothing to lock-me down.  That would mean going to a restaurant, the movie etc alone and that is pretty confronting.
mBailey -how painful!! I am so sorry. In Australia last week, through an enforcement of the Hague convention ruling,  4 girls were ripped from their mother and forcibly put on the plane back to Italy where the custodial rights of the father had been in place. On a visit 2 years ago, the mother had secretly whisked them away. There's a lot more to it I suspect, the woman was wearing very high heels  and had a huge flower in her hair. There was a lot of theatrical sobbing and that final collapse as she clung to the departing car - who has time to be so dolled up when you're going to lose your kids? Also, she had reportedly told the kids when they were on the run, that their story is the stuff of exciting fiction... Bert, you told me once before, the reason why you took up law was because you wanted to make the world a better place. You also believe that even the vilest need to be heard. I am glad you did take up law and if I ever need a lawyer, I would have wanted it to be you. Kudos to you! Happy Birthday Roadyacht, Eli! My birthday wish for you is for someone new to warm your heart, hearth and bed.  Any woman would be lucky to have you so don't give up hope. You are always so chirpy here so thank you for sharing. It is a fact, when a previously tethered man becomes available, all the men in his circle disappear and especially, keep their wives away. It is the opposite when
you're a woman, I've had like 3 proposals from Australians and I wasn't even looking.

I wasn't doing an IGW!! It's Microsoft's IE's fault!

Burgundy, aka IGW..are you using Internet Explorer? I think we have to do double spacing for the paragraphing to work. It is really giddy-fying to read meshed up thoughts so try it (and I aplogise for mine above).  I am glad you have taken the feedback so magnanimously (sp?).  May I suggest you start a blog to pen the thoughts on your causes? Here's a tutorial if you need it. Both KC and Jax have their own blogs which we separately visit.  I realise that you were first known as Gustina here, in 2009 so you've been here a long time. You had a completely different style then, definitely more accessible. 

http://www.howtostartablog.org/

Graygoose, I have a post for you at yesterday's close

PL....................you are correct about ANDY, she is the bee's knees................all the way.....................
 
ELI..........................is it your birthday? Happy birthday, I hope you do something really nice for yourself. I cannot begin to know the pain & loneliness that you go thru since Pinky died, but I do believe from all you have said about her, that she would want you to find happiness w/ someone who loves you. My hope is that happens for you.
 
PL...................your words are full of love and hope and peace. No surprise there.
 
CHEFD................I read your post w/ much interest..................will talk later...................

PL ~ Bebe ~ Thank you! mbailey ~ How very sad; so sorry.  I do hope that they choose to see you when they turn 18.  Perhaps at that time, you could reach out to them and let them know that though not physically with you, they were never out of your heart or mind. 

Oh! It's George Hall's birthday too! Happy birthday George!
6th Oct must be a really good day for gentlemen

ChefDeb, I missed your story about your children leaving home too. It's really good to hear all of you who have gone before me.

Andy, big big hug for you; there is such a sense of strength and serenity from you, even when things are not so right. I went to bed, thinking of what you said. Now i can't decide between learning something useful or something useless just for the heck of it.

Happy Birthday George and any other Libras out there. My kids left home a while back, I thought I would be lonely and miss them and I was BUT, I find that I am so busy working and such that it helps take my mind off of the fact that I won't be cooking dinner for them or doing their laundry. My daughter's fiance Buddy is doing PT in the trauma unit. Thanks for all the prayers, he lived and it seems so far that he does not have brain damage, just loses words at times and gets confused but I hope that will improve soon. TODAY WAS INDIAN SUMMER WEEKEND IN MY RESORT TOWN, I SAT AT THE AUTHORS TABLE AND SOLD SOME BOOKS;0 

Spring ~ backatcha!  And, if I get a vote, I vote for useless, just for the fun of it.

I vote for cooking,(so you can share)or wine/beer making, and then you have to share...tap, tap, tap, (sounds of toe tapping) We're waiting...

And thanks,ALL~ for the Birfday greetins

Roadie go on out and make yourself another famous roadside attraction perhaps in your Birfday suit. You'll probably bump into a Senator or two in a public fountain.
Have a great birthday! ***

To the article-It ain't always easy being a man and in frigid weather a whiz can be dangerous what with shivering hands and zippers being clumsily activated around the family jewels.- John Prine's Dear Abby reminds us we are what we are and ain't what we ain't...so stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood.

Happy Birthday to RoadYacht and George. It's my brother's birthday today too.
 

Miss Jane ~ I am on west coast time because of the big game. I've got nothing more to say about that right now.

Mr. Yacht ~ Happy Birthday old timer. It's still your birthday on the west coast. You can celebrate for another 106 minutes.

JANE..............Morning! Does your brother live close by? Will you celebrate w/ him? Birthdays are special, I have always thought that we should: not have to work on our birthday, get that month's mortgage/rent for free, get a check to go on an eating & shopping spree. Alas, these things only happen in my mind.
 
Good to see you as always, I hope your Sunday is relaxd and nice..............