The Pygmalion Effect

It's not just how we men treat women, it's how anyone is treated.  Expect people to behave responsibly and they will.  People solve problems, step in to handle emergencies, etc.  It works in the military regularly.  If a commander is wounded or killed, the highest ranking person available steps in and does his or her best.  I believe the greatest leap was in World War I when a corporal commanded what was left of a battalion that was cut off from other forces.  He did quite well.  Expect the worst, and that's what you get.  Anyway, off to bed.

And this is another poll that needs an "all of the above except ‘doesn't work.'"

I try to greet each person with a smile.

And a quiet, calm, kind word.

And right before my eyes I see them bloom.

(Posted this late, late last night and then it occurred to me that it might not be seen so I am repeating it here.)

Carol -- and all other Villagers -- don't ever grow up.

It adds zest to life.

The Pygmalion Effact's successful application is sort of like having Intelligent Parents; One must begin very early .......

If I buy a shiny new wheelbarrow and lock it in the garage, how long will it take to become a Mercedes sports car? One of those where the roof goes up and down at the push of a button. With fat tyres and shiny chrome exhaust pipes and leather upholstery with heaters in the seats. That is so nice for the sciatica.
 

lot ~ I too greet people, well, as people.  With a smile, remembering their families and trying (though suffering from that senior brain drain) to remember some event with which I can personalize the encounter.  I've tried, also, not to forget what it was to be a child and treat them, again, as well, people.  As a result, we have a great relationship with all of our grandchildren, of all ages -- some have adopted us as well.  What rewards are reaped in that way.
 
Secondly, having just once again, come into contact with a wife who totally emasculated her husband, pointing out all the faults and frailties and only those.  My ex (thank You G-d) daughter in law was so expert at that.  I think that anyone you come in contact with can use a boost.  My life is so much better surrounded by people who like to be with me and not always waiting for the second shoe to drop. 
 
We all have insecurities and someone points out that which we are so sure is wrong with us, for some reason, that person becomes the expert, no matter how many others, real experts, said otherwise; that person verifies our low opinion of ourselves..........isn't it easier to show people how much you think of them.  What grand people they are?  What a contribution to this world and to your life especially?
 
Parents, teachers, spouses are in a positon of shaping that ego and so many use it as a weapon instead of a tool.

Lot - amen to that (never growing up).  When people say "Oh you don't look your age."  I tell them that I'm old, just very immature :)
 
My mother, gone now for 23 years, in my mind is still sitting on the floor with my children playing jacks (Ivan another of those things for our list.) and, in a restaurant blowing the paper off of a straw at my son -- who moved and she hit the lady behind him.  When the lady turned around shocked at this woman, my mother told her to lighten up.
 
I'm a little more diplomatic, i would have apologized, but otherwise, the apple doesn't fall from the tree.

Isn't it rather simple?  It comes up regularly as though it were new and profound, and it is indeed simple.  It was called the Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale and more recently the Law of Attraction.  Our thought, our mindset, defines our life.  And that same mindset is what attracts people and events into our loves.  And the mindset is based on how we live our lives.  Do you want a different sort of people in your life?  Then reform your life.  Alter it.  When you are different, new people will come.

This concept is a fundamental of Marine Corps boot camp (probably the other services as well. . . though of course to just a slightly lesser degree). People don't realize what they are capable of, so the drill instructors push the recruits beyond what they imagined they were capable of. The human mind is vastly more capable than we think it is, but that also means that it can also be a very powerful tool holding us back, in the sense that it comes up with a dizzying array of reasons to think we can't do something. That's why it's so important to have someone else come along and say, "Of course you can do that. . . and if you don't, you're going to do a thousand push ups."

LOT--I haven't and probably never will!  That was one of the best things about teaching pre-schoolers...you got to do really fun cool things that as adults we don't take time for.  You get to exercise your imagination and body all day without going to the artist's studio or the gym.  It's called p-l-a-y!!!         

In this world it is not about how others see you - it is about how you perceive yourself.  We have to learn to discover our own image and when we perceive the true image of who we are and become and become - we have arrived in paradise on earth.  There is nothing more damaging to build your image on how others perceive you - it will always be less or too much never the truth who you really are.  Be true to yourself and become the best you can be - by going inside of yourself and create your own image through imagination not other people's hands outs.  Your imagination is truly your friend.  Believe me I understand it just now at the age of 80 and realize that only now I am starting to live my youth that I missed when I was young.  Give yourself a hug and say "I am OK."  You do not start with knowing others - you start with knowing your true self.  When you arrive at that place you will understand the truth of the behavior of the whole human race.  Bibi Fay

Fay Grindrod, the Village always welcomes a resident of your caliber.

May your posts be many.

Your words of wisdom above get you off to an excellent start.

More, more, more . . .

After a hard winter, my wheelbarrow out in the garage got all rusty and had a flat tire 'cos the garage leaked...

HI Fay!!! So glad you made it! Welcome! welcome!

Fay Grindrod~ I'm so happy you like yourself...I like you too!!!

ANDY:  As the List lengthens, it ought to produce some stimulating circumstances and conversations ... I spent twenty minutes yesterday morning explaining to a sixty year old woman with Grandchildren, what an Egg Separator is, and how to use it ... Yeah, I always just use my fingers too, but I know the thing when I see it ...Some things have value beyond their obvious ... For Instance; I like to see a Surgeon that is Good at playing Jacks or Knitting ... May seem silly, but the ability to focus Manual Dexterity that keenly is a distinct advantage when plying one's trade ... I also am a firm believer in Positive Re-Enforcement, but without ignoring the Responsibility of Reality ... There simply are some people, that are just cursedly obtuse ... the worst of that Lot being those who are deliberately so ... and the awful thing for them is, that they will never realize it, and will therefore miss, an awful lot of Life .......
 
I missed a Genuine Moment yesterday ... First time in years, and because I am not in Houston this year ... Yesterday was Senator Henry Clay's Birthday ... A day that a few of us Devotee's have long recognized and celebrated, because it was Henry who introduced the Mint Juliff to Washington Society ... God Bless Him ... and if He won't, may He at least send Henry an Air Conditioner, and some more Mint for his Muddle ...

Hey! Fay! Welcome. Or Croeso, as we would say in Wales.

Peter Lake~ my commiserations. A sad wheelbarrow is not a great start to the gardening season. Hope your lawnmower starts first time and your spade handle does not break. Peace be with your peas.

It works for oneself as well.  I heard a speaker once exhort, when people ask one "How are you," to respond, "Great!"  The speaker then said, that in all honesty we cannot always be truthful in saying "Great!"  Instead, if you feel less than 'great' and cannot bring yourself to say it, respond with "Unbelievable!" I've tried it and it works.  It makes me smile, it makes the person asking the question smile, and the tenor of my day is altered.  Effective stuff!

I've been thinking about our topic of the day, and it seems to me that it comes down to the Golden Rule which seems to appear in some form in all major religions, and is not, "He who has the gold makes the rules."  A good form is some advice I got from a wise man some years ago on how to deal with life and its situations: "First, show up.  Second, pay attention.  And third, respond in love."

Ok, I get it...Positive, positive, positive.....BUT...as Jalopkin says, "With Reality checks along the way." In teaching, I always let the kids know that I expected them to succeed, and that they were capable of achieving much. I gave extra chances to re-do, re-take, and improve on past work. However, some kids were so lazy, defeated, or angry that they refused to even try to take advantage of opportunities. I see that in society when those who are on the dole are satisfied to live a subsistence rather than get more training, get a skill, or go to work.
 
As LPNads above said, sometimes unmotivated persons need the consequences to motivate them.  A negative or loss may help the worker to see the validity of the effort. When the dog gets hungry, he will eat his food. We all know the kids who know everyone on the team will get a trophy regardless of how well they play, and see the parents that say, "That is so great!" to kids when the effort was substandard! There is a fine line between praise and postive reinforcement, and the overdone gushing that fails to give any sense of reality!! The kid loses perspective.  Yes, be postive, but also realistic. We all know a C is not at good as a B, especially if the person earning it did not offer his best effort.
 
Goethe's message generally works, "Treat people as if you already are good, and they will rise to your expectations." But, we all know there are some who will not rise, but in fact, take advantage of your pollyanna approach. Leaving your car unlocked makes it easier for the car thief, etc. Or, as Hazel has pointed out, putting your wheelbarrow in the car garage does not magically make it become a car! Let us persevere in our positive approach, but keep our guards up, and our REality Check Meter at the ready!!

O Captain! My Captain!

Thanks Hassel..... I seem to be on a roll so I'll say 'nos da' and try to start all over again later.

Dear Moose~ Thanks for hearing what I was saying! Phew! The banging your head on the wall when the kids have left the classroom and are going home to thier dysfunctional families is painful.
 

A-Catherine~ Welcome - and thanks for that good advice. Unbelievable is a good word.

and I will never get your - in the right place.

I agree with much that has been said.  While I do believe that people can rise to expectations, there is always an element of choice (free will), and my problem with the implementation of positive regard in education has been the sense that we must shield the poor little dears from consequences.  That, of course, sends the clear message that we actually expect nothing from them.  So, if little Johnny chooses to play computer games instead of writing an assigned paper, he should be told (1) that he can do better, (2) that he did not, and (3) that he is getting a failing grade.  Sometimes a consequence can be a wake up call.  Sometimes not.  It is all choices.  And consequences.  With love.  Always with love.

I'm still mulling over the topic at hand and fascinated by everyone's contributions. My basic rules with my own kids and the multitude whom I have employed has been a kind of combination of positive reinforcement coupled with (thank you Lynn830) consequences. I always include The Little Engine That Could as a baby shower gift...puff puff chug chug I thinkI can I think I can....

I'm still mulling over the topic at hand and fascinated by everyone's contributions. My basic rules with my own kids and the multitude whom I have employed has been a kind of combination of positive reinforcement coupled with (thank you Lynn830) consequences. I always include The Little Engine That Could as a baby shower gift...puff puff chug chug I thinkI can I think I can....

oh noooooooooo my entry Berted!

"Treat People as tho' they are what they are supposed to be, and they will become what they really are ..."  GOLDA  MEIR

I promised myself that I would not burden y'all with
anything else from the archives, but it is on topic.  I propose that the change
to Pygmalion was as stimulating for him as her own change was for Galatea.  Warning:
contains suggestive language.  Maybe not quite what our host expected.

Too Galatea

As his touch glances

against this softened ivory,

the carved round of yielding belly,

as his disbelieving fingers

collect the creamy foreign warmth

consuming her limp, crafted thighs,

as his sharp and skilled tongue

licks your salt toned breast,

Pygmalion, reaching for his chisel,

turns to stone.

in the quiz,I picked education,because education does not stop at school,education begins at home, and after one is out of school,it continues at work, or so it should/can.. every day, you get a little older,and a little smarter,orjust a little older

Paolos, where did you find that?  It is very evocative and a beautiful word picture!!  Now....that Pygmalion effect...we'd all like to think that we can, indeed, produce the best out of all simply by believing.  If that were true then Bert could just "believe" and he wouldn't have all the hassles of his profession.  My "c'ome on, you can do it" side really believes that there IS an empowering effect, however, there are way too many instances where it doesn't just pan out that way.  How many times have people started to diet, exercise or what have you and their cheerleaders gave them a good send-off.  But--because that belief that it could be done wasn't fully incoporated into them, they soon gave up their good intentions.  You can fan the flames and cheerlead...but unless and until the desire is there, you may see some "successes" ---sort of like the horse in Peterman's example who was alert for changes in the questioner--but I think, ultimately it has to be from within.  Now......I'm NOT saying to be negative 'cuz you can't do anything anyway.  Offer the environment to incubate change and success--certainly our negativity can destroy in ways that our positivism can't change or overrule.    But please remember that I am not a negative old crackpot, I am on the positive team (in fact I'm captain of it most times), but just another aspect offered for your delectation.

Whew! Paolos~ that steamed up my specs!

IVAN ~ I stayed near the Javits Center in the
Garment district on my last trip to NYC.  This was the first trip there, that I
noticed Golda's bust (I know I could have phrased that differently, but it would
not have been as much fun...I am easily entertained).
 
http://www.flickr.com/photos/wallyg/160474602/
 
The bronze tribute seemed out of place and I didn't
quite know how to approach her.  The little square had about the same effect on
me as Trinity Churchyard. 
I did not know if I should bow, genuflect or pat
her on the head.  In the end, I placed a hand on her shoulder, offered a prayer
of thanks for her existence and walked on into the bustle of the
day.
 
CAROL ~ Thanks, it was a piece of my own
making.
HAZEL ~ Always glad to oblige.
ChefDeb ~ oh noooooooooo...I
Berted.  That is funny.

This kind of Sunday supplement, pop psych topic has its supportive documentation but is probably at least as remarkable for its exceptions: the beaten down, beaten up, sad, hapless, neglected, friendless cases that find within and without an ember of faith and fan it like hell until they come out on top.
They seem to lack wide public acknowledgement... probably off somewhere on a silver beach with blue water not caring.

paolos ~
RE: April 12, 2011 2:13 PM
Who doesn't enjoy a lovely parable?

A_Cathering, the Village keeps growing.

Welcome to it.

Your assignment, should you decide to accept it, is to . . .

Say what you want, the way you want to say it, when you want to say it.

A_Catherine~ To the question "How are you doing" I recently heard a man answer "Far better than I deserve...I am blessed". At the time I just thought "I wish I had thought of that. Amen!"

Sorry to bust up this profundity, but here is what they were talking about on NPR:          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZi4JxbTwPo

Sometimes it takes someone willing to fight by your side, sometimes a gentle nudge will do.....sometimes a good swift kick in the arse will do the trick. We all influence those around us one way or the other....kinda makes you think twice.

Mostly, I believe, it's the learning for your self to get back up whenever you fall down. Accountability for ones actions goes a long, long way.

WT...... Thanks for the save.

STONEY........................you're so good; I laughed very hard............................
 
GEORGE.................I work w/ someone who is so positive & her response is similar to the one above. I was overwhelmed today & when I went back to my room & she had left two postits on my desk w/ the messages.............."Hey peachy cream, smile! Have a wonderful day." She made me smile & made me realize that it's all good. She changed the direction of my day & I really appreciated it.
 
PL.............accountability.............very important & in short supply in the US of A................

PAOLOS...............beautiful poem...........my mother has a bronze statue of Galitea from my grandmother..................she is so stunning..................even her fingernails are defined.................

Bebe-peachy cream..... It suites you well ; )

Stoney.... Big Z just hit one out..... A monster shot

Paolos - you out did yourself. Well done.

Big Z just gave up a three run shot..... Drat

PAOLOS:  I always just squeeze her cheeks, and give her a soft pat on the face ... She was a Detroit Girl, and could handle anything ...
 
I Respected her Greatly, and do her Yahrzeit every year .......

I am hoping to use the Pygmalion effect on my annual plants just put in the pots. Do you think it works with plants? How about pets? Will my cat eat all her food and stop leaving hair on the sofa if I expect the best of her? Obviously, this dynamic has its limits.

Moose~ She(the cat) only leaves YOU her best hair....she tries to eat the bad hair - hiding the evidence - but we know that does not usually work well

PL ~
Sure, just about the time I started lookin'. Then, some in-surance runs...yay!