An Unexpected Twist

Think I will print up a T-shirt that says:

UNIVERSITY

OF

PARAPROSDOKIAN

and wear it around town and see what kind of response I get.

"I got this coat for my wife"..."wonder what I could trade my kids for"

Then maybe I will print up one that says:

PARAPROSDOKIAN

FOOTBALL

By the way, there are days when I feel like that twisted pencil in the picture above.

But not today.

Today is a day to be amused -- a paraprosdokian day.

LotLot - Have the Printer Print 2 of them please..... Thank You :-)

Button, button, I lost my button...hole.  Steven Wright gets it wrong...in a wright way.

Don't you just hate it when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night?                   Wright again.

Attributed to Lt. Sidney Smith by U.S. Grant,
when during the Mexican War on seeing a steam propeller dispatch
boat...probably the first of its kind ever seen by anyone in the Army...going
through the fleet so fast, so noiselessly and with its propeller underwater, out
of view... 

 
The lieutenant exclaimed, Why, the thing looks
as if it was propelled by the force of circumstances.  

Hazel, For you from yesterday, this should cure
anything.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=bNd1UcoUZek Dr. KSS, if you have the time, I am puzzled by a
passage in Grant's memoirs. It fits in better with yesterday's musings, but I
wasn't around yesterday.
 
He describes a journey he made with other junior
officers to the volcano Popocatepetl just after the conquest of Mexico. After
they climbed back down the mountain, they stopped for a night's sleep on the
dirt floor of a cabin. He says the entire party was awakened by sharp pain in
the eyes, he described the feeling as excruciating...what might be expected
from the prick of a needle at a white heat. The swelling was relieved by
bathing their eyes in cold water.  The next day, half the party still had their
eyes swollen shut.  The following morning all were well. 
 
Any ideas as to the what and wherefore of this? 
The General offered nothing.   

Bored on a rainy day, I saw a TV ad for DIY products drills & circular saws & things, but it was presented by this really hunky guy - the ad promised they'd send anything, guaranteed, by next day. So I called the number & asked them to send me the hunky guy. The girlie who answered the phone was as bored as me, so we had a good half hour putting the world to rights.
The first thing that came to mind reading the top of page was putting a pan of milk on the stove & not keeping an eye on it & come to think of it, microwave & pressure cooker moments that were well beyond my anticipation.

Sorry, Hazel, it did not cure
incompetence
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=bNd1UcoUZek   ;

Oh, bother, my youtube is broken.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=bNd1UcoUZek
 Sorry again Hazel.

paolos~ is it painful?

Not painful, but unexpected.  You will have to cut and paste but if you get there, it will make it all better.  Have a good rest of your day.

"Siners can always repent, but STUPID is FOREVER."

like that one Bert -- sadly, so true

Clean mind, clean body, take your pick.

If you ate an alcoholic, you know you are hitting bottom when your life is disintegrating faster than you can lower your standards.

"ate" should be "are"

I'm going to steal a joke that I think fits today's conversation:
A woman was locked out of her car when a stranger offered to help. After getting her back in her car she began to thank God for sending such a wonderful man to assist her. The man then told her he was a convicted felon and had just been released from prison having been convicted of Grand Theft Auto.
The woman again looked up to God, giving thanks for not just help but for sending an expert.

Times when I cannot resist:
Debbie visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the tarot cards laid out before her, the tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Debbie stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.  She simply had to know. She met the tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:  "Will I get away with it?"

Descartes sat drinking in a tavern late one night. The bartender approached. "Last call, René. Do you want another one?"
"I think not," said the philosopher, whereupon he disappeared.

Seriously, though, I think all great humor depends on the use of language and the unexpected, usually a paraprosdokian.  A great joke at its end must make a violent turn in your mind.  Otherwise it is a pie in the face, a pratfall, or a cruelty - a joke at someone else's expense (racist, sexist, etc.). 

This is "Confucius say" day!!  .....Confucius say ...............
 
A cannibal is one who likes to see other people stewed 
 
Man with hand in pocket feels cocky all day

Bad singers break into song because they can't find the key.
 
A Rubix cube is like a penis. The longer you play with it, the harder it gets.

Those who get to big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 
 
Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy
 
Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax, dosen't know if he's coming or going.
 
Vitamins are good for what ails you. Viagra is good for what fails you.
 
A clean tie will attract the soup of the day.
 
A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.
 
If woman meets a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift, she should exchange him.
 
A smile is like tight underwear ... it makes your cheeks go up.
 
A transvestite is a man who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
 
Virginity is like a balloon...one prick, all gone.
 
A tight dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.
 
Men are like spray paint. One squeeze and they're all over you.
 
A bachelor is man who never makes the same mistake once.
 
Never tell a secret to a pig, it may squeal.
 
Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a rise. 
 
Taliban's national bird is "duck"
 
Dalmatians can't play hide and seek, because they are always spotted.
 
A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don't get it.
 
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
 
Passionate kiss like spider web, leads to undoing of fly

Teenagers... can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.

All right, one from real life.  I was in my first year of studying Chinese at Columbia University (1962).  The instructor was a man from Taiwan whose family was originally from Manchuria, and like many from that area he was quite tall (6 feet 2 inches).  He was also a but of a Mandarin (literally meaning Manchurian Great Man - Man Da Ren) and as unathletic as you could be.  His English was good, though he sometimes missed colloquialisms and cultural humor.
He told us that when he first got on campus, he went for lunch at the cafeteria in John Jay Hall.  He had two hamburgers but was still hungry, so he returned to the service area and got two more.  And repeated it twice more.  He ate eight hamburgers total.  He said he was still hungry, explaining, "You know that American food, it just doesn't stick with you.  You eat some and you are hungry in an hour..."
We all laughed uproariously.  And had to explain the humor to him.

This actually brought a loud smile to my face!  Thank you all!

Not relevant but really happened:
During the one crackerjack high wind thunderstorm this summer with branches coming down and taking signal wires and power lines with them, the dog and I were in the bathroom when the phone rang. It was a retired university professor acknowledging a message that I had left. He began:
"I can... not  believe the number of foolhardy people standing and looking out their windows in this weather!"
"Me neither, Norm."

Months ago we saw him seated outside the emergency room head in hands:
"I knew I was in trouble when I had no reflection in the mirror near the coat rack."
"That," explained his wife, "is because it is a window."

On the bright side, he tutors advanced students and runs through the Friday and Saturday crosswords like they were Monday and Tuesday.

    So, Adam was sitting around in the Garden, and God said,"you look like you could use some company, you know, a helpmeet."  And Adam said, "What' a helpmeet?", and God said, "It's a good thing.  She's beautiful, she'll cook for you and clean for you and adore you, and never criticize anything you say or do. And there's even more."  And Adam said doubtfully, "I don't know, God.  Sounds too good.  What do I have to give for this? "  And God laughed.  "An arm and a leg", was the reply.  Adam was crestfallen, and looked for a moment down in thought, and then had an epiphany.  "Well, then, what can I get for a rib?"

Guest was worried about my loopiness and what he saw as confusion and before he left, walked me through a little series of mental and physical agility exercises.
I knew I wasn't setting the world on fire but he made me promise to not drive or drink, to stay away from the pool and the lakeshore and to stick to basic fauna management: "your dog, your mouse and your fly." Clever boy.
I have only taken, at most, two muscle relaxers of a potential six in one day. Must be that spring water pure bloodstream.
It's not that they make it easy to nap, they make it hard not to.

Park 4  Will probably turn up after 10:30 AM when "Beloved Infidel" is over.

Lynn830, terrific Debbie psychic story.

rings90, you got it.

The orders are flowing in.

Lynne, Auri, Stoney -- laugh out loud posts -- thank you

Lynn,
 
Love the Descartes reference.  A familiar story that never gets old.  I have always said Descartes never appreciated that thought is a moral obligation and that the proper vow is "I am, therefore I will think."  In other words, Descartes before de horse.

auri~ further to the Adam & Eve tale, Adam went to the God complaints desk to ask "What's a headache?"

Lynn830~ You are on good form today. Thanks for the laughter.

After this brutal summer of heat,some of us may apy homage to the brothers that invented auto air conditioning. Most people do not know the story of those three brothers that had the first workable car A/C, and went to Ford himself to try and sell it.  They wanted 5 million dollars, and their names to appear. Ford said"NO!"......."It is MY company, and only MY name, FORDwill appear..." so, sadly, the brothers went to Chrysler, and made the same pitch,but,as there were fewer manufacturers left now, they lowered their price to 4million dollars,still a heap of money in those days, and still, they wanted their names on their invention. A resounding "NO!" came from the board room, who needed air conditioning with a top that goes down and windows that open,anyway?   .   So, disillusioned,but steadfast in their goal , they approaced General Motors, and the guys at Caddilac saw a glimpse of the future and liked it....BUT, the price was too high, so they negotiated it down, and there you have the story, and their names do appear on every car air conditioner  Max, Norm and Hi

   Hazel, HA!ha ha hahaha,ha, HA!   And  this Descartes stuff is blowing me away....

Lynn: I have been telling that Descartes joke for 25 years! I love it, and it never gets old. I usually tell it with him having breakfast and declining another cup of coffee.

TOP TEN REASONS TO PROCRASTINATE
 
1.

The only reason we're still together is the kids.......................neither of us want them

Sadly, no great insights today by ME -- but you all have kept me laughing -- thank you!

SF: In re: our conversation last night...."eat, drink and be Mary." Ha ha ha! I did a spit take with my coffee!

rwh1, I intend to comment on your top ten reasons to procrastinate.

tomorrow.

or maybe the day after.

or maybe . . .

Funny.

Our local Outdoor Persuits shop is advertising a forthcoming sale: The Winter of our Discount Tents.

we are the result of a bunch of smart people around typewriters, versus that 1,000 monkeys for a 1,000 years to get this same story......

Good God, the Pope is making a State Visit to the UK. Costing millions from the public purse. I bet our muslims are not happy that their taxes are helping to fund this jolly folly.

  Maybe we have all subconsciously forgotten Descartes jokes and many other things time and again...   in order to remember again, and laugh- perhaps forgetting is pre-creation-   pre-creation, pro-creation, re-creation, recreation...

The Cowboy hands the nurse the pee cup and she says "is this urine?"  Yes'm.  It's mine.  

A few more:
 
Did you hear about the first meeting of the new Workaholics Anonymous group?  No one came - they were all too busy.
 
Did you hear about the new group for compulsive talkers?  It's called On-and-on-Anon.
 
Jean-Paul Sartre sat in a Paris cafe one afternoon, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness, when the waitress approached.
"A cup of coffee, please," he said to her. "No cream."
"I'm sorry, monsieur," said the waitress, "but we're out of cream today. Would you like your coffee with no milk instead?"
 
Why don't Baptists make love standing up?   It might lead to dancing.
 
What's the best thing about pagan friends?  They worship the ground you walk on.
 
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
"What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."
"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it."
The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully. A couple driving by slows down to watch.
"Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"
 
And from Samuel Johnson:
This is one of the disadvantages of wine:  it makes a man mistake words for thought. 

Tommy Typical~ Prison inmates who are drug-free supplement their income by selling urine samples.
ReMarx from Karl:- We are only free at the time of a general election, whilst in the process of voting for a change of oppressor.

I wish I could have thought of these...... Words of wisdom from the mind of Stephen Wright..... 

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

At one point he decided enough was enough.

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

How young can you die of old age?

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Ok...... I'll try...... if you have too much time on your hands........ can you save some for later?

Hazel..... maybe everyone on the Popemobile's parade route should all wear funny hats when he passes by so he can feel at home.....

Lynn830 and Sring Fragrance..... you guys must have been saving up for a topic like today's...... Very well done!! B )

then there is REO Speedwagon's ....You Can Tune A Piano, But You Can't Tuna Fish

PL- Not to be confused with Joe Walsh's  The Smoker You Drink, the Player You Get

TT...... ahhh, the y grew up and went to different schools together....

My middle son once complimented my new purplish colored quilted leather jacket.
Then he grabbed my arm, sniffed and said "It doesn't smell like grapes".
 
Another time he and I were at happy hour. The bar tender asked if we wanted to add another drink to our tab before happy hour prices were over. I said sure. She then came around the bar pointing to people and said "You gotta back up". He moved his chair away from the bar and when I asked what he was doing he said "She said "I gotta back up".
 
 

Irish Saying.......... A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse. ... but the man worth while is the one who will smile when everything goes dead wrong.

And another one (sadly) from real life:  A woman was talking about getting sober - joining AA - and was laughing.  She'd been in a local shopping center.  It contained a Virginia ABC Store.  All stores selling hard liquor (other than wine and beer) are run by the state's Alcoholic Beverage Commission.  I don't know exactly how it works, but the Old South is the only area that still has such an anachronism.  Anyway, in her drinking days, she had used that store almost exclusively.  The shopping center also contains a grocery store and a couple good restaurants, so she had just finished dinner and was walking back to her car when she heard footsteps running behind her.  A voice called out her name repeatedly.  She stopped, and the manager of the liquor store came running up, saying, "Say it isn't so!  Say it isn't so!"  Well, it was so.  And she had never realized that she was that great a proportion of his business.  And she is, top my knowledge, still sober.

Since the space is free- some tommy verse

The Bar of Soap

I’ve crawled the
finest pubs

U.S. and the British Isles

Confirm that for
yourself

The CIA has lots of files

The tavern that’s the
greatest

Well might be on a
rope

For when I need a
lift

I visit the “Bar of
Soap”

Lathers nicely in the
shower

Or in a steamy sated
tub

Gently over epidermis

After a healthy scrub

So when Happy Hour’s
due

Don’t be a dirty dope

Visit the waterin’
hole

Frequent the “Bar of
Soap”

And maybe a note: I am a bit irreverent about ministers and religion and about drunks and drinking.  I mean no offense to either group.  Actually, I am an ordained minister, a Unity minister which is about as liberal as you can get.  No, it is not an internet ordination.  It required two years of full-time residential study.  And I have been sober for over a quarter century.  I am quite happy with both, and quite content to poke fun at myself and those closest to me.

Lynn830..... very well done!

What did one Baptist say to the other when they met inside the liquer store?

Lynn830- If God doesn't have a keen sense of humor (for example when I look at myself in the mirror after showering) then we are all in a heap of trouble and as Charlie Daniels would say, sometimes I think that preacher man would like to do a little walking too.  

Spring Fragrance - It's been a long time since I've heard any "Confucius say" jokes.  They are wonderful!  Hen hao!  Fei chang hao!

RY,
 
I give up; what did he say?
 
Lynn,
 
"a Unity minister which is about as liberal as you can get."  So do you preach about the Ten Suggestions?

DreadPirateRoberts - No, I do not preach the "Ten Suggestions."  I do not want to get into detail here, seems inappropriate.  See www.unity.org. ; I do not interpret the Bible literally.  I believe that rather than being a literal history, it was written to convey spiritual lessons, even the part that is ostensibly history.  It contains moral and spiritual truths, and was intended as such.  See the web site.  I do not want to debate it here.  I have my beliefs and you have yours.  I will respect yours; please respect mine.

DPR~ Neither one admitted seeing/being in the store

Joe Torre is retiring? Say it ain't so Joe.
 As the great zenmaster Yogi Berra would note- We have a good time together, even when we're not together. 

When was 'Beloved Infidel" on?  I never miss that movie...  hey up there?!  It is FRIDAY is it not?

If you all will indulge me, one last piece of humor.  As I said before, I believe that the best humor is directed at oneself.
The cruise on the Pacific was rudely interrupted by the ship sinking.  It was a long way from anything but the single island.  But the sinking took long enough that everyone was saved and transported to The Island, as it became known.  They had been there but a short time before folks decided they wanted some spiritual support, so they grouped together to form churches.  And so it was that the Catholics formed Our Lady of the Island Church.  And the Baptists formed The First Baptist Church of the Island.  And the Presbyterians formed The Island Presbyterian Church.  Other groups - Methodists, Lutherans, Jews - all formed places of worship.  In fact there was a group of Unity folk on board, and they met to form a church.  And so they did, forming Unity of the Island North and Unity of the Island South.

Noooooooooohhh!  First Bobby Cox, then Sweet Lou Pinella, and now Joe Torre too!....... ## heavy sigh ##. TGFF..... Thank Goodness for Football.... even thou I'm a Bears fan.

Sorry.  What I said was Mandarin Chinese.  Fei chang hao = especially good.  Hen hao = very good.

More accurately would be:
Fei chang hao [非常好] = very good.  Hen hao [很好]= well; that's great.

what the...I have a hard time finding the> key

More for Descartes fans.....
 
A defendant was on trial for murdr. Three was strong evidence indicating his guilt, but there was no corpse. In his closing statement, the defence attorney resorted to a trick. "Ladies & gentlemen of the jury" he said, "I have a surprise for you all - within one minute, the person presumed dead will walk into the courtroom."  He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors stunned, all looked eagerly. A minute passed, nothing happened. Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually I made up the business about the dead man walking in. But you all looked at the door with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed, and I must insist that you return a verdict of "not guilty". 
 
The jury retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, they returned and pronounced a verdict of "guilty". But how could you do that?" bellowed the lawyer.  "You must have had some doubt.  I saw all of you stare at the door." The jury foreman replied," Oh, we looked, but your client didn't."

RY 4.25......I'm glad I just got up; if this was before bedtime I would stay up till I hear the answer...I couldnt fit any of the keywords used by Baptists in the answer..(eg. hell and damnation, fornication, dancing, sprinkling..)

Lynn xian sheng.....xie xie!!  (Mr. Lynn, thank you!)

Say...did you learn Mandarin?

and wow.....thank you for your sharing and spending time with us. There are many who have started their journey through reading the Daily Word

 
KSS........I was "huh??" for awhile back there, then I got it! ....hahahhahaha!!!!! Shit happens....ooops spit happens sometimes....."see you at the bar"....

Spring Fragrance - Yes, I did learn Mandarin, though I am not at all as fluent as I once was.  I had two years at Columbia University and then 18 months at the Defense Language Institute in Monterey, California.  Unfortunately, the Army never saw fit to use my language skills, and I was never in Taiwan or any Chinese-speaking area.  My daughter is studying at The College of William & Mary and is majoring in Chinese.  She spent 6 months in Beijing, the summer at Tsinghua University and the Fall at Beijing University.  And her fiancé, who is a US citizen now, was born in China.  With a live-in tutor, she is getting way more fluent than I ever was.  The big thrill for me was visiting her for two weeks in late October/early November.  I got to brush up on my Chinese.  By the way my Romanization of Chinese is a bit peculiar.  I do not know pin-yin well and don't terribly like it, but am trying not to use Wade-Giles in which I am "fluent."  So, sometimes I use something that looks more like the Yale system - phonetic American English.
My posted pictures include one of me the my daughter and her fiancé.  We stayed in a bed and breakfast in a hutong behind the White Stupa Temple.  You and I have an affinity for deep fried scorpions and for Wagfujing - a great shopping area.

Lynn_pa_san_ling....(Lynn830).
Ni shi wa te hao ke ke! (You're my good big brother!)
 
hahaha...thats what romanization of chinese looks like so dont worry...I get it. For the rest of our villagers, Mandarin is a tonal language so it can be confusing. There are four sounds for every word so a simple English word that looks like "Ma" can mean mother, hemp, horse, scolding.  I could create a sentence like "mother is scolding my horse" and all a westerner would hear is a series of "Ma"s.....
 
I've seen your pics; they're terrific! Mine was actually that of my 15 year old son who recently spent a month there on a school exchange.  I told him he had to go check out the scorpions....I moved to Australia in 2002 and strangely, they became more Asian here than in Singapore, think its something to do with taking things for granted. He's thinking of possibly doing a gap year in China now. Will have to see how it goes as he has national service to fulfil in Singapore when he turns 18
 
 

Does anyone remember Thomas, Martin and
Fred?
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_0E7x3Nqys
 
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a
frontal lobotomy...

Chuntian Xiāngchì, ni yiding shi wote hao mei-mei (Spring Fragrance, you indeed are my good younger sister).  China was better than I had hoped.  My daughter may go back to get a master's degree.  She graduates from William & Mary in May 2011.
Time to quit for today; time for bed.  More tomorrow.

I got my youtube workin', my youtube workin.  Hazel, I got it this
time.  I'll leave it for your wake up call.
 
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77kkxRMOhlo&feature=fvst
 
and for a finale an unexpected
guest...
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WfQ8jnL2x4
 

Lynn,
 
I must humbly beg your pardon.  I have clearly given gross offense when that was the last thing on earth I intended.  Of course I mean you (and your beliefs) no disrespect and I am frankly stunned and shocked that my question was taken in that vein.
 
This afternoon, you posted a comment stating that you are "a bit irreverent about ministers and religion and about drunks and drinking" and "quite content to poke fun at myself and those closest to me".  If I had not read that comment, I assure you the "Ten Suggestions" remark would never have reached my keyboard.  I took your earlier statements as an invitation to join you in the merriment.  Much to my surprise, I find myself alone and in the cold.
 
I hope you will take the above paragraph merely as an explanation, not as an excuse.  And accept my contrition for the highly inadvertant offense I appear to have given.

Surely you jest! Don't call me Shirley. But seriously...I'm checking in late, but have really enjoyed everyone's posts. I posted my favorite comic/cartoon. I've had this for many years after cutting it out of a magazine and feel it's just right for today.   "Is Nothing Sacred?"
http://www.petermanseye.com/photos/280321 ;

DPR, I found your Ten Suggestions to be very clever and hope that Lynn830 wasn't offended. 

Hi Jane...missed you here yesterday.....there was so much to laugh at!
We both seem to come in at the earliest and the latest