Love at First Sight

Oh yessssss, it's HAPPENED all right. Whatever it was, it was pretty good for a while. At my age, almost grown, I'm a bit skeptical that it could ever happen AGAIN, but lightning DOES sometimes strike twice, doesn't it? The question is, do I want it to? Good question. Which is better, the flaming arrow or the smoldering ember, that yet burneth long? Either way, one requires a spark to generate ignition.

I wouldn't mind a few coals to blow on...

Yes! It happens to me several times a day.

LOL!! Olivia! You made me laugh. You are such a delight!

Ty Ti dear...

Today, I must disagree with Mr. Peterman.  Not only do I not believe in love at first sight, but I believe love at first sight to be a singularly UNROMANTIC notion.  I can imagine nothing in the world less romantic than to contend that the feelings that can come upon you at first sight are comparable to the glory, the power, the monumental bliss that is love.  Nothing as magnificent as love belongs in the same realm as the tawdriness of that which occurs at first sight.

I have always said that the most important thing about a man's dream girl is that she's a dream.  As such, she is not comparable to the real thing.  I have been in love many times with many women for many different reasons.  But the love I share with my wife blows them all away by leaps and bounds.  The glories of our romance are unprecendented in my life and unparallelled even in my wildest fantasies.  And we fell in love very, very slowly.  Indeed, you might say we didn't FALL in love so much as we SANK into it.  But that doesn't sound as good.

Olivia makes an interesting point about lightning striking twice.  The last time I remember being close to a lightning strike, my family's barn burned down.  Perish the thought of a second strike.  As for the statistics Mr. Peterman mentioned, all I can say is that my grandparents (my mother's parents) stayed married until Grandma's death at 84 and they were a walking argument in favor of divorce.  The way the picked each other apart until no one who knew them could imagine why they had stayed married so long is a classic product of the old "love at first sight" couple who are still married.

But romance, in all its messy joy and complicated glory, takes time to cook.  I am reminded of two great songs:

Yesterday I loved you
As never before
But please don't think me strange
I've undergone a change
And tonight I love you even more
My heart cannot be trusted
I give you fair warning
I openly confess
Tonight I love you less
Than I will tomorrow morning.

And one more:

When it all comes true
Just the way you planned
It's funny but the bells don't ring
It's a quiet thing
When you hold the world
In your trembling hand
You think you'd hear a choir singing
But it's a quiet thing
There are no exploding fire works
Where's the roaring of the crowd
Maybe it's the strange new atmosphere
Way up here among the clouds
Happiness comes in on tiptoe
Well, what do you know
It's a quiet thing
A very quiet thing...

I've had them both. It's hard to say

Which is better, or lasts longer, but

I believe there is a place for both, and I believe

That both can exist in one relationship, and I believe

That love can make me crazy, and love can make me sane.

Love can simmer, and love can boil, and love can cool.

These things I know.

Boy oh boy,

let's get back to talking aboutunsung ...

But seriously, folks. That whole certain-resemblance-to-your-own business?

Think hard for a moment. Who did you love first? Um that would be the people who fed you and took care of you when you were too young to manage it yourself. And what do they look like? Funny, they look in many cases one half like half of you and the other half like the other half of you ( insert joke here). SO, even if your sainted mother is a crone of 45 by the time you fall in love, the pert 21 year old whose hair isn't even a color found in nature may well have her eyes or her expression or her  jawline. Umm, we'll discuss the tattoo another day. And suddenly, when you are going through the scrapbooks ( SCRAPBOOKS, In THIS DIGITAL AGE?) Yeah, when you are digitizing the photos, your own beautiful child will see pictures and constantly ask, "Is this Mom or GG" Or Nana, or Big Mama, or whatever you have chosen to undignify her with. And you will have never seen it, cause hey, we are guys and we don't have to notice things like that.

Now, back to the debunking for a moment. How many of us have heard a person say "I Knew the first time I went out with him/her that we would get married."? It isn't at all the same thing as being in love, of course ( insert SEVERAL jokes here). Many times the decider has gone home and told his (or more often, her) room mate. But the room mate, like us, has Heard It All before.  Yeah, every lottery ticket you buy is going to win, you hope. Why on earth would you buy one if you didn't think that? Tell your room mate often enough and eventually, you will be right.

DPR, I was not just impressed by what you wrote, but truly moved. We should all strive for such an accomplishment.  I hope you tell her frequently and I hope you have many many many opportunities to do so.

BEAVIS SAID

heh heh Eros embraces Uranus. heh heh  

At a time and in a place, when new mothers spent a nice quiet week in the hospital, my wife was born there three days before me.

When people say:'When did you meet?'

I say: "You wouldn't believe it if I told you."

I was assigned a trainee from the mill to spend a week with me and he came with a warning:

"Just keep him moving if there are women around."

"One of those guys who falls in love in an elevator?" I wondered.

"A revolving door," I was told.

He was in his early twenties, tall, blond, smart and athletic. I wouldn't have thought that meeting girls had ever been a struggle and it had not but it was in spontaneous circumstances that his heart was at risk.

Everyone who had worked with him had some kind of a near-miss story but we, with a busy schedule, had avoided close contact with potential problems until...

A young woman in a building lobby was bumped into by a hasty delivery guy pushing a light dolly. The box of manilla folders she was carrying went flying and its contents cascaded across the polished terrazzo floor.

Evidently, a moment that tall, blond, smart and athletic young men live for. He flew into action gathering and returning the pile to her and it seemed as though we might have been home and dry until, at the last second, she held out her hand:

"I'm Lesley," she said.

"I'm D-Dan," he responded taking her hand in his own.

It was a van de Graaff generator moment and I knew what we would be talking about for the rest of the week.

I was right.

Moonstruck, and it didn't make getting things done any easier but on Friday when if they were lucky, I just saw those guys into a cab for the airport, I drove him there instead and as he was heading out the door to the tarmac, I handed him one of my cards with her name and number on the back.

I explained as well that she didn't work for our customer but that her family owned the building. No awkward conflict.

It is impossible to say if or how things might have unfolded without my greasing the skids a little but I remember smiling, in nineteen eighty-four, reading of their twenty-fifth anniversary.

Good Morning Everyone:

Today's subject is so ironic.  My husband and I were speaking of this very thing last night.  It actually happened for us.  I was 16 years old at the time and to make a long story a little shorter, I was at school.  I was getting a drink at the water fountain and turned to go to class and ran smack dab into a beautiful, tall, dark, and handsome young man.  He patted me on my head and said "are you alright little girl?"  My heart sunk and I felt really funny all over.  I instantaneouly said to myself that I had just met the man I would one day marry.  I went to class and told all of my friends the same thing.  They laughed and made fun of my intense observation.  Four years later I married this man and have been happily (although sometimes strained) and we just celebrated our 33rd anniversary.  Needless to say I do believe in love at first sight.  To top this off, it runs in the family.  When my daughter met her husband she called me that very night and told me she had just met the man she would marry.  Two years later...she did marry him and they just celebrated their 8th anniversary.  I still get goose bumps and a fuzzy feeling when I see my husband walk into a room.  It may be the look of love or sometimes even heart burn, but regardless I do love him very much.  I wish everyone could experience this magical feeling!

Now that I've had the chance to sleep on this topic, another thought occurs to me.  I have always felt that the single most romantic story ever told was Cyrano De Bergerac.  I had never thought about this but I can't imagine that it's a coincidence that, in this story, Cyrano has known Roxanne since they were both children and his love for her has steadily grown over the years.  Christian barely knows her and they are attracted primarily to each other's physical features.  Does anyone contend that the love Roxanne shares with Cyrano is any less romantic than the love she shares with Christian?

I know many couples who fell in love quickly and are still married after many years.  But then, my mind always goes back to the toxicity of my grandparents and I am reminded that I want my marriage (like my life) to be something more than merely long.

I'm off to a long day of work.  I wish you all healthy, happy, blissfully romantic marriages.

Love at first site has certainly happened to me and I am completely open to it. I know plenty of people it has happened to but I'm not completely certain they were open to it or not. Mileage has varied for all of us.

My favorite story:
My parents met in high school while on dates with other people. A group of three or four couples shared some enormous 1920s or 30s era car that my Grandfather let my dad use for the evening. After the dance, my dad maneuvered his way through Chicago so that my mom was the last to be dropped off. Ever sensible, while he was at college in Oklahoma, they both dated others but married as soon as he graduated. Sounds like love at first site AND the slow burn.

I guess the bottom line for me is: if you don't get that frisson, those goose bumps and fuzzy feeling, those eyes that speak to you, that smile that warms you, that SOMETHING in your gut, what makes you go on?

Oops, sight.

I'm not sure about love at first sight. I can definately verify LUST at first sight...damn near every day in fact. But love? Not really. I do believe in an instant attraction that goes beyond lust. Sometimes you connect with someone on a level that goes beyond lust. However, I believe you still need to reach the point of love. 

Having said that, I have indeed experienced love at first sight. When my daughter came out of her mother's womb via c-section--I held that little girl in my hands, her eyes were wide open and looking at me, and her tiny hand was wrapped around my finger. THAT, good people of Peterman's Eye, is love at first sight. And I haven't stopped loving. But the daddy/daughter love is waaaay different than the love at first sight we're talking about today.

Except, maybe in Arkansas. (wink)

Love at First Sight ~ It's a romantic telling of truth. I must be a cynic, alright I admit it I am The Cynic.... I used to not be,  I used to believe, I believed until the last moment, I believed in the fact that Love at First Sight & having a best friend all in one is something that once you find it ~ It just always is.  Sadly I have been shown that this is not the case.     

For once, I agree with Agent666.  

When I was in college, I thought I fell in love on the average about once a week.  Once it was a pretty girl in my History of the English Language class (something about reading Beowulf out loud in the original gutteral was so hot when she took her turn).  That lasted until she told me she was in a long term relationship with a guy back home (Oregon) who was down in a submarine.

Another was the girl who sat next to me when a group of us went to see Titanic (back when it was in the theaters).  About halfway through the movie, she started running her foot up and down my leg.  That lasted until the next time I ran into her and she greeted me with my cousin's name and I found out that they had dated previously.

There were more. Many more. They didn't really have anything in common with each other physically (full range from waif to Plus-sized, from 4'11 to 6'1).  None of them were true love, and only a few of them ever even knew, but it was fun for awhile.

Now I'm much more careful where I toss my heart.  But I have this funny feeling that I will know HER when I see her.

I liked the way you wrote the first time. So apropos for this place. A site without sight.

Oops!

It was in nineteen ninety-five that the kids celebrated their twenty-fifth anniversary.
I attribute the mental lapse to coming down from a week of strong Manhattan coffee to my own lame half-caff. I'm old but not that old.

The above was to Shandonista and her 'Oops, sight.'

MissIve agrees with me? Maybe there is a god afterall. At least a Flying Spaghetti Monster.

:-P

I forgot to mention that I believe in infatuation at first sight, too. Webster's defines it as:

"to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration"

In some cases, the infatuation seems to turn into a deep, committed, and fulfilling love for another person. I've been guilty of infatuation before. Eventually, it wears off and you're left unfulfilled and ready for the next new thing to obsess over. Unless, of course, you are struck with the other definition of infatuation--to cause to be foolish : deprive of sound judgmen--and end up loving said object of infatuation.

I believe my parents had this experience.  In 1944, she (age 18) was working at the naval shipyard in Portsmouth NH and he (age 24) was there in the submarine officer training school.  They met at a dance, where my mother was there with her current beau, Cal Marvin (they may have been pre-engaged).  Supposedly he or she caught the other one's eye and they married within the year.  He brought her down south to Tennessee (appropriately, if you've ever listened to the Tennessee Waltz).  In 1988, as we were leaving my mother's gravesite, my dad said, tearing up "she was so very beautiful."

As for me, i have fallen in love at first sight with several puppies.  The bloom was off the rose, however, the second or third time they wet the floor.

For me, it's not the sight of the person, their face, their shape. . .

It's their 'sight.' It's what they 'see.' And I do believe you can see that in a person with an instant. I believe I can see if can only see then from behind. The way the stand or sway when they enter a room. And even if I cannot see them at all. I believe I can see it in the first sentence they write. The way they pause, or qualify a thought. The way they make fun of themselves at the very same time  they lay a very bold claim. For me, there has to be just the perfect mix of wide-eyed curiosity, idealistic optimism, and utter despair.

And that's for all people. Not just men. Some of my very best female friendships had very 'romantic' beginnings, said by a very straight girl. 

I feel this way when I watch most children. They still have that wide-eyed optimism that most people lose very early. They still see Harvey. And they will talk about him.

Honestly, I can go days, years, feeling very alone. Sometimes I go into the bathroom stall at work and sit on the floor, thinking, are any of the people here even real? But nothing is better than finding that spark in a crowd. An eighty-year old who gives you a grin and wink as you stand nodding, bored out of your mind, listening to men in suits discuss their portfolios. And people wonder why I drink like I do. 

I do believe in it. I just don't think it's limited to a mate. But, like Peterman, I think it's essential that it IS there, too.

Stoney. Once again, loved your story. Double spark, man. Am editing a brochure for a Ford industrial van line, and still grinning. Good stuff. 

Love at first sight??? No, indeed not.  Lust, infatuation, passion at first sight.  Now we have something.  To believe in Love at First Sight, means you have no control over your bodily indulges... you are like the wind in your pursuits and have no say in who you love.  

Often times I've watched on-screen love affairs played out where the love stricken soul states they had no choice in this affair.  They have no control in who they love.  One of our chief differences from the animal world is choice.  Choice gives me the ability to walk away from "danger" or "adventure".  I'm in complete control.  Am I tempted? Yes.  Would this endeavor be exciting?  Yes.  Am I unable to stop myself from this wild ride? No.  Choice is our friend.  I suggest we use it.

Agent 666, you had better be FROM Arkansas if you intend to make tasteless and bigoted 'jokes' about us. Even the rednecks here would kick your ass for that inappropriate remark. I worked for years in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit with the horrors that can ensue from the reality of what you wink about. And they were not all from Arkansas, although we took care of them as if they were our own. It happens in EVERY state, and this poor, small place has all the problems that ALL states share, but it has its portion of the positives too. People who come here for whatever reason are continually amazed that a place so relentlessly denigrated by the smugly self-perceived haute monde can be so multi-cultural, welcoming, and varied in its offerings to one and all. I have no patience with prejudice of any sort, so if you want to experience my Queen Bitch persona, just keep winking.

Olivia,

I'm pretty certain that Agent666 is either from Arkansas or from a state that often gets cast into the same category.....I live in SC (born in TN) and while I love it, I also regularly make jokes at its expense.  It's like every college joke ever told, you can just insert another state's name.  How do you know they invented the toothbrush in SC?  If it were invented anywhere else, it would be called the Teethbrush.

I believe in lust at first sight.  Much depends on how one wishes to define "love".  One definition is, "A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness."  Can that happen at first sight?  I rather doubt it, but I'm willing to bet it can happen quickly.   

Olivia,

Confession: I laughed at Agent's Arkansas joke. 

Promise to be more sensitive from now on. 

Agent666,

Am smiling at your "maybe there is a god (sic) afterall." Sorry about the 'sic.' Could not resist a poke from one writer to another.

Do hope you know (hand extended in truce), that I do not believe in evangelizing. Have had to be pulled off of people who try to evangelize to me. It's private. Intimate. Belongs to nobody but yourself.

Some people struggle with faith, they want to be shown burning bushes. I, on the other hand, beg him to stop showing me. Life would be easier if I didn't believe. I'd much rather live life like it's my own playground. I've just seen too many burning bushes. It's really unfair. That's what I tell him, too. Very scrappy.

Some of my dearest friends are atheists. They unfortunately, are generally bigger 'thinkers' than most Christians. But that's not always true. I'm sure you know that. You write like a thinker.

I have to laugh, a little, that the one topic on which we seem to agree whole-heartedly, is so very similar to the other issue on which we diverge.

That's good stuff. You have to give me that. 

"Sometimes I go into the bathroom stall at work and sit on the floor, thinking, are any of the people here even real?"

Missive, ewwwwwwwwwwwww you sit on the floor of a public bathroom?  ;) Just teasing.  Can't wait for more stories from your trip.  I think you need to do a "Things learned" list for us, just to get things rolling.

Enfatuation is fun but love is more rewarding.  There is something about making a connection with a person the first time you make eye contact, but it doesn't always mean love. 

I know a few couples who experienced love and first sight.  One of these couples met on a monday night, went on a date the following Friday night and were engaged the following Sunday night.  They have been married 32 years have 8 kids and they (as long as I've known them, about a decade) have treated each other like crap.  To me it was a very damning indictment of impetuous decision making based on lust. 

That said, love and relationships are rarely easy all the time, there will be trials and problems no matter how you met, the important part is to love unconditionally and work hard to make things good.

I believe in attraction at first sight. Infatuation may lead to love over time but, it is not, in itself, love. Certain occurrences in my life have taught me that real love is deeper than instant desire.

A lasting love is a growing experience that takes time. It changes and grows as people change and grow; as two people experience life together. You need to be able to work as a team and to be understanding and flexible as events in life change and affect your relationship. Most of us have heard:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." ~1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Well, how do you expect to know these things about each other if you've only just met and have only just begun to know what the other person is like on the inside - in their heart?

Real love, to me, is more than emotion. Its give and take; commitment and investment; compromise and cooperation; the sharing of dreams, values, beliefs and attitudes; and working towards a common goal in life. You are warmed by your love's presence even when apart. Love isn't blind but it is unconditional. Love is understanding and acceptance of imperfection. (Human beings are not perfect) You love someone for whom and what they are and don't attempt to change a person to match your image of perfection. Love is real not imagined.

I consider myself a much more romantic individual than my husband. I like the notions of music, moonlight, dancing and candlelight. My husband won't even approach a dance floor. My romantic fantasies have nothing to do with real life. They are just dreams that don't compare to reality. We aren't living in a fairy tale. I don't hold my fantasies against my husband and he doesn't hold his fantasies against me. We love each other regardless of our differences and also because of them.

Please don't misunderstand me to think that, because we can be practical about our feelings, we have no fireworks. I think most people are infatuated with their love partners, to varying degrees. I have found, though, that the best heart-pounding, passionate, romantic, skyrocketing moments occur with a person you truly, realistically love. And those genuine moments are simply divine.

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

P.S. - My husband and I celebrated our 31st Wedding Anniversary this year.

MissIve,

To echo the previously stated sentiment: EEEWWWWWWWW

Some people struggle with faith, they want to be shown burning bushes. I, on the other hand, beg him to stop showing me.

Are the bathroom stalls where you find your burning bushes? (wink)

(reaching out and accepting hand of truce)

I didn't even know we were fighting. Shows how much I pay attention.

Kindlee your husband sounds like my husband.  Sometimes when I'm whinging at him about not being romantic enough he says "Woman, I'm romantic, you just don't know it when you see it.", and its usually referenced to him buying me a slurpee or taking out the garbage. 

So I guess I can't say he's NOT romantic, he just expresses differently than the stereo-typical female fantasies dictate.  I secretly believe that he pretends to dance badly so I won't make him dance with me in public.

Kindlee,

You said, "My romantic fantasies have nothing to do with real life. They are just
dreams that don't compare to reality. We aren't living in a fairy tale."

Do you really believe that? You've never lived out a fantasy and had it be even better than you'd imagined?

The painting I went to find in Chicago was an example of 'love at first sight' in my life. That instant connection. And it was with a girl in painting. More than a century ago. And her look had just the right mix of hope and despair.

And I dreamed of some day standing in front of her. And so I worked very hard 'in the real world' to make it happen. When people talk about the 'real world' and their 'fantasy world' as disparate, mutually exclusive things, it makes me sad. I think of the 'real world' as the place to work very hard, to mold it and shape it in pragmatic, everyday steps, and then tip it just so to form a buttress to your dreams. And I do it. Often.

I always make it to my dreams. And when some of the real world comes there with you, it's even better. It's surreal.

Last Saturday, I marched up the steps of the Art Institute in Chicago with a line of girls, all dress in J. Peterman dresses, thanks to our patron of dreams, Mr. Peterman. The security guards cleared hoards of people from the steps so they could film it. My sister covered my eyes with her hand and led me, with the guards and the filmmaker, to that girl in that painting.

And when I saw her, I shook, uncontrollably. For a very long time.

I do believe in love at first sight. I just don't think it means it's a guarantee that it will last. But who cares?!

Suck the marrow. And to be clear, I do not believe that means abandoning reality in favor of 'dream chasing.' I believe, as illustrated above, you have to learn to reconcile both. There is nothing better than staring, face to face, at a dream that you've climbed a very long way for in reality. The mingling of real and dream is intoxicating. I'm addicted.

So, Nachista, there's one thing I learned. Wink, wink. And yes, I sit on bathroom floors. Very dirty girl here.

I also, fyi, learned that a 'commuter train' stops for only a fraction of a minute. And chasing after it, and hurling your bags at it, does very little to change its mind. Also, passing the two hours until the next train by drinking gimlets straight from the shaker is bound to lead to bouts of public singing when you actually do get on the train. The good news is, everyone on the last commuter car into Chicago knows all the words to 'The Wheels on the Bus,' as well as the hand gestures. Oh, and thanks to the passing of one iPhone to all on board, they all also know that J. Peterman IS REAL and they LUFF his portrait dress.

Good times. 

Agent666,

No, the bathroom walls are where I DRAW the burning bushes. And then, like Animal, I bang my head against them. Finally, I stand, collect myself, reglaze my eyes, and walk back into the board meeting. You should try it.

So we're friends? See, burning bushes, all over the place! Wink, wink. 

I didn't mean to sound like a traveling preacher, either. Anyone can believe what they wish, without judgement from me. It's disheartening that religion can be so polarizing. Over time, I've become an agnostic, actually.

I was just attempting to relate my totally non-professional thoughts and Corinthians seemed to do a good job of summing up qualities that I felt spoke of the essential elements of love. 

In the future, I will do my best to stay away from any religious references.

MissIve,

Return to the board meeting? Not before bathing in hand sanitizer, I hope. Wink. Wink. Wink.

nachista,

Maybe it has something to do with military men... 

MissIve,

I think there is a difference between dreams and flights of fancy. Fantasy is a pipe dream, a totally unrealistic notion. Dreams are rooted in reality. Following your dreams is great, and working hand-in-hand with a partner (or partners) to accomplish those dreams is even better.

I have a lot of dreams that I hope someday to make come true. Some have already. My husband has his dreams, too. But, our fantasies are just that - fantasy. 

Thank you for finally sharing with us some of your adventure to Chicago, with your partners, to make one of your dreams come true.

Kindlee,

Fantasy Challenge: Tell me one. I'll build you a buttress. I promise. Nothing kinky, though. Trying to be a very respectable girl, give or take a few gimlets.

Mr. Peterman,

I think the larks have found their next adventure, courtesy of Kindlee's fantasies.

Nachista,

Read your post on the site today. Yes. YOU ARE COMING NEXT TIME. The director has requested that it be just my sister and I, on the back of a pack mule, looking over the edge of the Grand Canyon, so that he can "smack its ass and send us on the type of adventure we both deserve after all the trouble we gave him with our antics." So, lemme know if that sounds good. 

All, if you wanna see the J. Peterman dresses in 'partial' action, they're at the site today.

www.sandinmyswimsuit.com 

Agent666,

Hand sanitizer is for suckers. Germs are healthy, in low 'floor of the bathroom' size doses. If we're going to be friends, it's important that we agree on just that one thing. Okay? 

P.S. Agent666, are you off topic? Wink, wink, wink, wink.

Kindlee I think it has to do with men in general, that's why girls have lots of friends who send each other flowers and take each other out to lunch, etc.  If most men were as romantic as we all wished, the entire chick flick industry would go out of business. 

Sir Boyscout knows that we are on a budget and budgets are romance killers, but he does try.  A couple weeks ago I was having a REALLY bad day.  He know that spending money we don't have on things like flowers or candy or cards would make it worse.  So he went to our local grocer (he used to work for them) and talked them into letting him gather up a huge armful of bouquets from the floral depart and had someone take a photo of it.  He then looked through the card section and found a great one and photographed the cover and inside.  He sent the pictures to me and it really made my day so much better.

"Oh, and thanks to the passing of one iPhone to all on board, they all also know that J. Peterman IS REAL and they LUFF his portrait dress. "

This line made me think, 'yes Virginia, there IS a J. Peterman'.

"Love is a wish you hide in your heart that no one else knows."

Love at first sight is indeed a leap of faith and despite my fear of heights; I've leapt . . . . . ....or perhaps I just fell and that's just how these things sometimes happen. One of my greatest fears would be that it was not possible, and that is just not acceptable to me.

Faith is the pure voice of the heart without any filters. It's not necessarily right, nor is it ever wrong.

It either is or isn't within you.

We all hold the key to our own hearts. We all decide what wishes we are willing to set free.

Well I don't know about bathroom stalls and burning bushes.

Fantasies are much more a part of reality than I think many "real" things are. Because the only reality that we are entitled to knowing, is our own (which is a bummer. so constricting.). So whats possible in our dreams/fantasies etc. , whether we can feel it physically with our hands or see it with our eyes, is real. Because we imagined it. Dreams should be rewarded. Way to go! You dreamt we were on a boat. And so we were at that moment. On a boat, near that glacier, in the tropics.

But
I believe in love at first sight. Of course, there are so many
different types of love. But when I met my girlfriend I knew that I could love her forever.

Whether it can be considered true love or just
my power of will to make her mine, I was ready to do everything in my
power to make her look my way.

And so she did and from that spark of love I had, we grew a forest fire.

Missive if its the grand canyon I can make it (its only a days driving away), and I'm reasonbly good with equines.  But let's camp...I don't want to stay in another hotel managed by Xanterra ever again.  We had a National Lampoons sort of honeymoon in Yellowstone at 3 separate hotels run by Xanterra.

I completely agree with you on hand sanitizer...it is for suckers, the people I see who carry around bottles of it are always the ones getting sick anyway.

Maybe I'm strange...ok, scratch that, I know I'm strange but maybe I'm broken.  I've never had any "dreams".  I have always heard people share their dreams and passions and thought 'gee, that sounds cool' but I've never had any burning desires of my own.  I get passionate about things but I've never had some big vision that I've HAD to fulfill.  I've always been a go-with-the-flow kind of person and I just enjoy getting lost and seeing what I find instead of intentionally seeking out specific things. 

Never felt driven to get a degree or a specific job, Never felt driven to compete, Never felt driven to conquer a mountain or marathon or ocean.  If there is something appealing I either find a way (withint reason) to attain it or just appreciate it from afar without dissapointment or regret.  Life is more fun for me when there are no expectations.

But Kindlee Who's to say that what you consider a Flight Of Fantasy is not a liviable dream for someone else. I have wanted to go to Russia since I was 11. I got there when I was 28. For the MANY people I encountered in my daily life, it was listed for them as one of her Pipe Dreams or Flight of Fantasy. Yet I DID IT ~ I walked through the Hermitage, I saw the dancing Imperial ladies in GILDED GRAND BALLROOMS, I felt the spirits of those who I've had studied for years.  There are many in this world who's views of unrealistic notions happen to be just be going to see Mt. Rushmore & not as extreme as wanting to climb K2.

I have admitted earlier that when it comes to True Love in my personal life I am The Cynic. When it comes to those that I consider to be my friends making that Love at First Sight Connection I totally am cheering for them.  I'm not a huge believer in the fact that people find & marry their "Soul Mates" but I have not shaken in the belief for others that people marry someone that they enjoy being with. 

The Lark in Chicago was something SO surreal yet not, it really was a moment that cannot be recreated no matter how much anyone can try, it was stunning & it was believable.... I don't even think you can explain unless you were there & even then you are at a loss for words...

Fantasy and dreams are as important to my life as my morning coffee. After years of confusion and toil I decided that no one was going to rescue me, so I did it myself. I know so well that there is nothing as terrifying, Pam, as stepping off the edge above the abyss. But when the wind catches you and you feel the lift of your wings, you become one, you sublimate, with the transcendent. When I look out my window, it's Little Rock, but I also see the Emerald City. Minas Tirith. Endor. Doc could probably delineate the neurologically tiered consciousness that facilitates my existence. I have no need to wait for my reward, because I walk among luminous beings at all times. I remember reading Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion, and crying YES! when he so clearly expressed the way I feel: that we live in a world of such wonder, that life, consciousness, self-awareness and ALL is such a powerful manifestation, we only have to step outside our bubble of routine to experience an almost painfully pleasurable level of engagement with the universe. Daily life can suck, but it passes.

I have loved, sometimes very nearly at first sight. I will love, and risk a broken heart, to enjoy the object of my affection as long as it lasts. My heart has been destroyed seemingly beyond the reach of Nepenthe, maybe not for the last time. Any cardiologist will tell you that the heart cannot repair itself, but she is only describing the limitations of the myocardium. I know better, because I've regenerated several new hearts when I lost the previous one. It can be a painful process.

This is a small part of the numinous ambiance which Mr. Peterman has wrought. His clothing, his gifts of imagination and romanticism, these things have helped me see beyond the grey veil of concrete and plastic, to remind me that everything has its own lustre. I don't believe in clurichauns or basilisks, but they are among the touchstones that unseal the doors of perception. I do believe in the soul of humanity, and that good and evil exist in all of us. And that we can decide, in greater or lesser part, which manifests itself, and when, and how.

nachista,

Sir Boyscout obviously has his marvelously romantic moments and, in all fairness, I must say my husband does, too. It's no wonder we keep them around ;)

MissIve,

I am laughing hysterically! Did you really just ask me to divulge one of my fantasies?! Gimlets? Hell, we'd have to dispense with the lime and soda and go straight to a vodka IV drip before I'd even begin to consider the possibility of disclosure. "Kinky" fantasy, or not, I subscribe to the idea that in front of the word fantasy is the implied word 'secret'. It's private. Intimate. Belongs to nobody but yourself.

My definition of fantasy is something that cannot be achieved. It's an hallucination and not doable. (Of course, with a vodka drip, hallucinations are possible) The opposite of that is a dream. It's an achievement that is plausible and longed for and doable.

Activating the Infinite Improbability Drive can only happen onboard the starship Heart of Gold. I wonder how a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster compares to a vodka IV drip?

Missy, taking me along to keep you in line is like taking some gasoline to bank the fires.

Awesome Lisa,

Loved this:

"So whats possible in our dreams/fantasies etc. , whether we can feel it
physically with our hands or see it with our eyes, is real. Because we
imagined it. Dreams should be rewarded. Way to go!"

Rings,

So glad you felt the same way. It is impossible to explain.

And, though I really do love this topic, like Faith, I love it most for the very reason it is impossible to explain, define, or prove. Or disprove.

I do believe in it. I just believe, like Agent666 said, it's a separate issue from 'life-long love and happiness.' Totally separate. One is uncontrollable, one is not. One involves passion, the other requires will. I have both. I believe in both. But the both have little in common. Who cares? Excercise your imagination, then excercise your will. 

The things over which we have the least control are certainly scary. Frankly, people with too much control over what they 'feel' scare me worse than the experience of uncertainty. And often, they behave the worst.

Kindlee ~ But a Fantasy can be achieved, the awful part of it is not knowing if its going to stay?

I met my Husband when I was 12 on New Years Eve over the telephone. It was 5 months until we met face to face. I felt that I LOVED him already then. The rejection I had when he started dating the girls I hung out with was AWFUL. But I swallowed my resentment throughout all of it (He dated QUITE the DRAMA QUEEN) & we stayed friends. Fast forward to a few years to age of 16/17 We were hanging out more & more, & went to a Def Lepard Concert, he tried to drop me off last, but 1 of the other girls in our group wrangled a way to to be the last dropped off. The next night we were at my house watching a movie & talking & he just kissed me, it was December 23rd. We decided to be exclusive on Christmas Eve. We got married in 2000 & we seperated in '06. I've had my fantasy it was one of the only things I wanted since I was 12. His HUGE BLUE EYES looking at me & smiling. I had it & and I've had to watch it walk out the door. Yet amazingly enough I still have that fantasy, I have acheived it once & I am hopefully on the road back to acheiving it again. My DH is not my soul mate (thats a TOTALLY different man & story) but he is my LOVE & I won't or let anyone try hard as they might ( trust me SOME have tried) take it from me.

rings90,

Going to Russia was a dream of yours. It may have taken awhile to achieve and you may have thought that it might never happen, but you held on to your dream and did it! It was something attainable. The same with MissIve in Chicago. All these things were doable. I'm so glad you both realized your dreams.

Fantasy, to me, is wanting to have a beach front castle on Alpha Centauri. Or being 5' 11" instead of 5' 3". Things like that. It's out of the realm of realism and impossible to eventually reach.

I can see here that people have many different ideas about the definitions of dream and fantasy.

I started swearing to my God and on my mother's grave that I would love you to the end of time. I swore I'd love you to the end of time.

And now I'm praying for the end of time, it's all that I can do...

Praying for the end of time so I can end my time with you.

The ever eloquent, always appropriate Mr. M. Loaf.

As has been said above again and again, Sure we can become attracted instantly to someone, but, as I heard  a priest say at the wedding of two prosecutors (yeah...), Love is an Intentional Act. We may be thunderstruck by attraction, which is not really such a bad reason to go ahead and affirmatively love someone, but the love is what we get up in the morning and  do, not what hit us over the head while we weren't paying attention. 

Willie Trask,

I believe it was that same Mr. M. Loaf who crooned that he would also do anything for love. Poor fellow.

Kindlee,

If you were laughing before, brace yourself. I was off to Wikipedia to find Alpha Centauri. "Where is that?" she wondered. Africa? Australia? No matter. We're going. You crazy girl. And so you know, outer space still does not TOTALLY deter me. We'll just have to wait to see if Peterman puts out space suits for the spring. That's all.

I believe that the reason my fantasies are all attainable (and they ARE, if they are not, I take them off the fantasy list, get it?), is because I dream in realism. That's my genre of choice. I dig Wharton. Nobody ever gets to live happily ever after there. But it's still lovely while it lasts.

And I dig Hemingway. He dreams in real bullets. And short sentences. He also married everyone with whom he shared a spark. And wrote about her. And then moved. And then married. And then wrote about her, too. And, well, you all know how that ended. But still, good while it lasted. Right? 

I think I'd be setting myself up for a great fall if I truly believed in "Prince Charming" and "Sleeping Beauty".

MissIve,

You are a crazy girl. And, yes, fantasy can be fun. No bout a doubt it! Alpha Centauri better watch out! Hope the space suits come in several colors.

MissIve,

I'm still laughing! Thank you. I've taken a sick day today. Horrible cold. I can't remember the last time I even had a cold. Even though my head hurts, your humor and spunk are very uplifting!

Agent 666- ANYTHING but "that" whatever he meant...

Maybe it had something to do with the bathroom floor and the burning bush, I don't know. 

Kindlee I understand what you are saying, I see fantasy as the same way.  A dream is something where you show up to school naked and can't finish a test because you forgot your #2 pencil.  Fantasy is showing up to school naked, riding on a unicorn.

What most people call dreams or fantasies, I call goals or adventures.  If it isn't real or attainable I think it is a dream or a fantasy, and there is nothing wrong with that...its fun.  If it is real and/or attainable, I say make a plan, work your butt off, and make it happen.  What I think is dangerous is illusion.  When something is real but in your mind it is something far different than what it actually is, that is where problems start.

Kindlee,

Miss Spunk is signing off. Hope you feel better soon.

Ironically, the next thing on my 'list' now that the Chicago trip is finished, is getting back to the book. And remember how it's about the cynical girl who falls for the boy who can't talk? REMEMBER? (said in best valley girl 'ya huh' tone)

And why? Because I believe in it all. Have had so much tea today that eyes are as wide as golf balls as I type. Wondering if man in car next to me on commute home will fall head over heals from said golf-ball-size eyes. Yes, I do believe he will. Poor bastard. In roughly eight years, he will be in marriage counseling with me, too.

Good evening, all. 

MissIve,

Thank you. Have a great evening.

nachista,

"Of all the legendary animals of art, folklore and literature, the Unicorn is the one with the greatest hold on our imaginations. Other fabulous beasts are clearly inventions, existing only in a mythical landscape of our own collective creation. But the Unicorn strikes us as more than imaginary. It seems possible, even probable - a creature so likely that it ought to exist." -- Nancy Hathaway; The Unicorn

I believe dreams can be made to happen with persistence and determination. And, yes, we should be careful to avoid both illusion and delusion.

Perhaps every bush is a burning bush, if you have eyes to see.

I could do with a burning bush right about now, it is cold, dark, and dreary outside.  A good brush fire would definitely liven things up a bit.

At First Sight 'Love at first sight,' some say, misnaming        Discovery of twinned helplessness        Against the huge tug of procreation.         But friendship at first sight?  This also        Catches fiercely at the surprised heart        So that the cheek blanches and then blushes. ~Robert Graves Is friendship at first sight any more, or less, possible than love at first sight? Don't we need to get to know each other somewhat, first?

Oh, that didn't format well. Sorry.

I will try one more time...perhaps the computer contracted my cold virus...

At First Sight

'Love at first sight,' some say, misnaming

Discovery of twinned helplessness

Against the huge tug of procreation.

But friendship at first sight? This also

Catches fiercely at the surprised heart

So that the cheek blanches and then blushes. ~Robert Graves

I wondered if friendship at first sight was any more, or less, possible than love at first sight? Don't we find that we need to get to know each other better, first, before a true friendship is formed?

 I can never get people to understand that poetry is the expression of excited passion, and that there is no such thing as a life of passion any more than a continuous earthquake, or an eternal fever. Besides, who would ever shave themselves in such a state?     Lord Byron, in a letter to Thomas Moore, 5 July 1821

Do we ask too much of love?  But then again, I could always grow a beard.

 

I'd stop shaving for love.

Gee, I just got home and have been reading all the postings -- and I feel strangely out of  place....  As a kid and a teen, I had crush after crush, and I can remember every detail of each of them... I never approached most of them, and the few times I did they ended in various stages of crash and burn (other boyfriends, 'when are you going to buy a car', I'm not that kind of girl, do you REALLY love me, can't we just be friends, etc, etc, etc).  The imaginary relationships were usually a lot better than the real ones... But even when the real ones worked out, time or distance worked their magic (black, I might add...)

I still believe in love, but it's a bit like that portrayed in the 1971 movie, 'Fiddler on the Roof': http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067093/synopsis .  Those like Tevye who are hitched to a woman like Golde know another side of love:  that of endurance, patience, loyalty, and gritty determination.  And here are the words from the song 'Do You Love Me?' from that film,

----------------------

Tevye: Do you love me?
Golde: Do I what?
Tevye: Do you love me?
Golde: Do I love you? With our daughters getting married and this trouble in the town, You're upset. You want out. Go inside. Go lie down. Maybe it's indigestion.
Tevye: Golde, I'm asking you a question. Do you love me?
Golde: You're a fool!
Tevye: I know. But do you love me?
Golde: Do I love you? For twenty-five years, I've washed your clothes, Cooked your meals, cleaned your house, Given you children, milked the cow. After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?
Tevye: The first time I met you was on our wedding day. I was scared.
Golde: I was shy.
Tevye: I was nervous.
Golde: So was I.
Tevye: But my father and my father said we'd learn to love each other. So, now I'm asking, Golde...

Tevye: Do you love me?
Golde: I'm your wife!
Tevye: I know. But do you love me?
Golde: Do I love him? For twenty-five years, I've lived with him, Fought with him, starved with him. For twenty-five years, my bed is his. If that's not love, what is?

Tevye: Then you love me?
Golde: I suppose I do.
Tevye: And I suppose I love you, too.

Together: It doesn't change a thing, but even so, After twenty-five years, it's nice to know...

 ----------------

It may not be a very 'American' way of looking at love, but I console myself by thinking that even the ancient Greeks distinguished eros, philia, agape (not to mention a few others).  Love is perhaps a lot like a rainbow: the closer one looks at it the more elusive it becomes, and the more shades of color it seems to contain........

Sheer grit, determination, and persistence outlast all the emotional colors.  

Reading over today’s discussion, I want to amend my apparent implication that there was no use or room for imagination in our daily lives. That’s not what I wanted to convey. Sometimes when you concentrate on one facet of a subject the other parts aren’t taken into consideration as being part of the whole. Fantasy stimulates creative thoughts by introducing ideas that might perhaps bend the rules of reality in ways that induce other creative thoughts to occur. It also serves the purpose of filling in the empty places between the stars and between the holes in our hearts. It can uplift us when we have difficult days filled with unpleasant emotions. Imagination can take us away on a mental vacation when we need a break from life. It can provide us with the things we feel are lacking in our existence. It’s just one of the many and varied ingredients that combine to make up one’s complete recipe for living. And everyone's recipe is a little different.
Pleasant dreams, all.
Pam

the notion of love at first sight got me thinking. Perhaps the most contentious relationships in the beginning were rooted perhaps in love at first sight. The person doth protest too much.

MissIve,

Now that yesterday's cold medicine fog has lifted...

I someday will go scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef.

I someday will go soaring, in a glider, over Tibenham in South Norfolk, England.

Olivia,

"Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope...that enables you to laugh at life's realities. ~Dr. Seuss

I didn't mean to imply otherwise...

It was necessary for me, long ago, in the wake of my husband's 4 sea deployments, to be realistic about marriage and men, and not expect my life to be the fantasy I had imagined. But, that's not to say that fantasy and imagination have not helped me to endure the difficulties and cope with reality. I had to learn that fantasy's place was in my mind, reality was what I had to deal with, and dreams were meant to be pursued. 

I do understand your point of view. Hope mine makes sense to you.

Pam

Willie and Agent666,

If we are to start quoting the brilliance that was quoted by the grand Mr. Loaf, please give credit where it is due.  Those songs were written by rock music's greatest living genius, Jim Steinman.

Kindlee,

Please let me know when you're ready for the Great Barrier Reef.  I'm coming too!

DPR,

The more the merrier! I've got the scuba diving down pat. Just saving my pennies now. (That's why I only own 1 JP dress) 

Pam-I took no umbrage from your statements. I feel I know you well enough to understand that you were just expressing a feeling, and I think that's great! With only the rare exception, I have found all here to be most conscientious and sensitive to one another's points of view. That's why I'm here, and why I'm so glad you are too.