Expect Delays

Blinker nerds, ok they don't annoy me, I just think its funny because I do it too. 

I think my biggest pet peeve are late mergers.  You've been driving down the freeway seeing "right lane ends" signs for 2 miles and you turn on your indicator and get over and wait like everyone else.  Then someone who is obviously far more important than you are (I mean they are so important that the warning signs don't apply to them, darling) flies past you, right up to the merge area and then tries to cut you off without signaling. 

Yeah that's the biggie in my book...wait no, actually its parents who let their kids bounce around the car without seatbelts or car seats...wait no, actually its the woman I pulled up next to at the stop light and saw her BREAST FEEDING her baby while driving...

Ok so I don't have one biggest one.  *shrugs* I'm a bad driver, but I try not to be, if I cut you off or get a little too close, please don't take it personally...I will try better next time.

Damn this traffic jam, how I hate to be late, it hurts my motor to go so slow.
Damn this traffic jam, time I get home my supper'll be cold, damn this traffic jam.

Well I left my job about 5 o'clock, it took fifteen minutes go three blocks,
Just in time to stand in line with a freeway looking like a parking lot.
Damn this traffic jam, how I hate to be late, it hurts my motor to go so slow.
Damn this traffic jam, time I get home my supper'll be cold, damn this traffic jam.

Now I almost had a heart attack, looking in my rear view mirror,
I saw myself the next car back, looking in the rear view mirror,
about to have a heart attack, I said,
damn this traffic jam, how I hate to be late, it hurts my motor to go so slow.
Damn this traffic jam, time I get home my supper'll be cold, damn this traffic jam.

Now when I die I don't want no coffin, I thought about it all too often.
Just strap me in behind the wheel and bury me with my automobile.
Damn this traffic jam, how I hate to be late, it hurts my motor to go so slow.
Damn this traffic jam, time I get home my supper'll be cold, damn this traffic jam. Damn.

Now I used to think that I was cool running around on fossil fuel,
Until I saw what I was doing was driving down the road to ruin.

James Taylor

Give a wide berth to any cars that have major components bent, burnt, or missing.

I got a giggle one time, when the helicopter guy was talking about the traffic situation, mainly due to poor driving skills. He casually stated "y'know, I think Arkansas is an old Indian word that means 'I can not merge'". He may be right. Here, people drive to the end of the on ramp, then STOP and wait until someone lets them in. This on the FREEWAY, with people whizzing along at 70 mph. It's so incredibly stupid. And nobody here stops for stop signs or red lights anymore. NEVER start off after a green light without making sure you're not about to be T-boned. turn signals are rarely used, it's pretty much just free-form anymore. Like Paris, without all the arm-waving and cussing.

Now, Paris was fun-kinda like bumper cars at the Fair...

Burnt?  Hahahaha, so sad but true.  I always try to give ample space to cars that have one or more body panel(s) that are a different color than the rest of the car.

Oooh Paris, Olivia you drove in Paris? *wide eyed admiring star* Je suis très impressionné, Brava!  I gave up driving in Major European cities after an incident eerily similar to that scene from National Lampoon's European Vacation "Look kids its big ben...look kids its big ben".  I didn't flinch in San Francisco, Chicago, Dublin, Ediburgh, or Geneva but London had me sweating like Ben Affleck in a crying scene.  God Bless the tube in all its smelly glory.

I have a tendency to avoid the multilane Freeway system, preferring instead to take the "back roads" - those wonderful secondary roads that cut through some of the more scenic parts of our state and, if you know where you are headed in general, can provide a quicker option.

That is unless one encounters my ultimate foe: the large piece of farm-related equipment lumping slowly down the road - wider than a single lane (forcing oncoming traffic into the inevitable ditch to squeeze by) and causing me and the 15 cars behind to crawl along.  And just as you find the passing permission zone appropriately lined to indicate, the driver of the pea-picker, combine, hayburner or whatever, will suddenly swing wide to the left without signaling)  to prepare for a right hand turn into the next field to do whatever it is the machine is supposed to do.

I burned out a pair of brakes once, but my car does indeed stop on a dime.  

My second worst nightmare is to come upon the remains of a skunk on the pavement.  Even though one can avoid the carcass, the odor permeates everything and I know the poor animal gave his all, but it is a little late to use that defense mechanism.

I drive a bright-red car, and yet for some reason people will not get out of my way. Don't they know that since I am in a bright-red car, that obviously I am in a hurry?

Jon Eels: James Taylor's song "Brother Trucker" is another one that really disgorges driving frustrations.

Mark Swaim,

When I had a bright red car, I adopted something I called red car courtesy. It assumed that all red cars are important ( frie chiefs, fire trucks) and that a red car gets priority. I would let other red cars in more readily. It worked well for me at the time.  I was able to outwit the State Troopers' penchant for red cars by staying in the outside lane and generally obeying the speed limit.

For some reason, "white car courtesy" just doesn't seem the same.

In the 80s, I had a big ( for the time) Checker. It had never been used as a cab, but it was that model. I gave up trying to explain to people that it was built in the 1970s, that it was never a cab, etc. I just drove like I was in a tank, because I pretty much was. It got horrendous gas mileage and was actually pretty boring in some ways, but it made me fearless. Several years later, I drove an Austin Mini and it made me much more cautious, but in a zip zip hurry-up-and-get-out-of the-way chihuahua kind of way- maybe more like a Jack Russel Terrier, I don't know.  

 One rainy afternoon, I was trying to merge in the Mini and having no luck. I wan't on the highway, just an urban artery and the speed of traffic was about 40. Suddenly, my lane ended, with a Fed Ex truck parked pretty close in front of me. I skidded into the back of it, smashing in the front end of the Mini. The Fed Ex truck looked like somebody had spit on it. 

While I am bragging, let me mention my Bentley. Wait, wait, it cost $8000, and it is about the size of a Ford Explorer. It gets SOME respect from guys at gas stations, mostly, but I still can't see around Escalades and Suburbans. And soccer moms have no idea they should be impressed at all. It sits in a shed in the back, waiting for me to cross off about ten more pressing things on a list of expenditures and take it over to the British Car guy for a fuel pump and general look-over. Those of you who have owned out- of-warranty European cars will recognize this as The Deluxe Oil Change. Your bill is  always more than you figured, but far less than the guy's with the Ferrarri. 

What is it the Harley guys say? Anything with wheels or breasts...

I have observed in my native Rhode Island a traffic manuever I like to call the "multi-lane sweep". A driver in the fast lane will turn on his right turn blinker 1/12 mile or so before his (or her) intended exit and then immediately sweep across all lanes of traffic to that exit. 

We live one street off a Parkway . If I'm headed home and turn left , invariably there's some bozo behind me , in a BIG HURRY ,who swings wide right onto the shoulder and accelerates .I am amazed that one of our several local joggers (who run with traffic behind them ,often with headphones on) has not been obliterated.

Occasionally , one of the aforementioned passers will honk excessively if he /she thinks I'm not driving/turning fast enough.That's worth double enmity .

Here's a tip for arriving alive (and I drive about 28,000 miles a year):  'Find holes in traffic'. Folks, for reasons unknown, seem to 'clump up' in little packs of cars, all way too close to each other -- but in between the clumps are big empty holes.  It's a lot safer if hundreds of feet separate you from 'the guys in front' and 'the guys in back'.  Plus no one is on either side!

Pet peeve? We have EZ Tag lanes on Houston's toll roads, and SOME folks think it's ok to drive down the EZ tag approach lane, stop in the middle of the lane (blocking it), and wait for someone in the adjacent queque to 'let them in'.  I'm jerk enough to lean on my horn when I'm finally able to squeeze around these selfish folks (not to make myself feel better, but simply to get them to associate 'bad' with their actions).  Unfortunately, Houston is known for its 'laissez faire' approach to driving.  It would be nice if a police officer with a camera were to simply stand by the toll gates, taking pictures of these folks cars, with another officer waiting on the 'downwater' side of the tollgates, ready to wave these folks over for their citation.  (Imagine the amount of money the Harris County Toll Road Authority could generate!)

The science of fluid dynamics and also chaos and complexity theory have a lot to say about traffic flow.  I'll leave it to any traffic engineer or math whiz among us (hah!) to explain fluid dynamics and/or non-linear models in simple English....  Those who tire of waiting can explore the literature online (and I'm certain there's tons of information available!)  

Oh, a final note -- be aware that the average car weighs about 3,000 pounds and is connected to the earth with four patches of rubber.  (You really should keep a eye on those tires).  AND the average empty 18-wheeler weighs about 50,000 pounds.   It is connected to our planet by 18 patches of rubber.  Do the math......

I'm with Bellball ~ I still have family that live out where the highway is still only 2 lanes & you need to take some wild hilly & winding roads just to get there.  I love making that drive, rarely though do you see people actually going the speed limit of 55 & when they are stuck driving behind me for some odd reason the drivers shake their fists at me while passing...  I enjoy a country drive no hurry & looking for deer, turkey,cranes, bears whatever animals happen to live in the forest areas. 

BUT  ~ When I hit a four lane highway LOOK OUT ~ I admit it I have major Road Rage at people who don't use their blinkers, people who don't turn their blinkers off, people who cannot seem to understnad that the sign to merge did not mean to do so when the lane their in turns to gravel, &  my biggest pet peeve are the people who stop & stare at the pretty little green light (its the same color green as packer jerseys isn't it beautiful?).... the lead car should get a ticket hen only 2 cars make it through a green light or turning arrow.  on average about 4 cars should be able to make it through those lights.      

P.S. The picture at the top of this page is interesting... if the traffic is moving at anything more than 10 mph, these folks are at risk of a multi-car accident... way too close to each other!

Willie---what great narrative about your cars. I have two aging German cars, both convertibles: a 93 BMW 325i and a 2002 Boxster. They are bright red and bright yellow, respectively, and are sometimes thought of by me as "ketchup" and "mustard." They are both brilliant cars as to their performance, but it's hard to imagine two vehicles handling so radically differently. The BMW can make an L turn out of any corner and stick to the road, but lacks low-rpm torque. I don't trust the Porsche to stick to the road in tight turns (it is a featherweight vehicle compared to the heavy BMW). The Porsche, however, has cruise missile acceleration. I live in an area where it gets highly rural very quickly, and it is possible to finds roads rarely traveled that go up and down and wind between crop fields and plots of forest. It is pure joy to take the cars out and drive "competitively."

In another group, someone once asked me what was my idea of perfect happiness---for me it's driving that Boxster 150 mph while Sonic Youth's "A boy named Goo" is playing so loudly that my ears are bleeding.

I have a craving to the find a good Kharmann Ghia. 

In the spirit of Henry Higgins, "why can't Americans drive more like Europeans?"  Paris is difficult to negotiate, mostly because one often doesn't speak the language, however, all the drivers are actually paying attention, or so it seemed to me.  They are competitive but not nasty.  They use roundabouts..so cool.

But, even some French drivers were intimidated by it.  My father worked for a company in Lyon and when he told the fellows of his weekends plans to visit Paris, they were very impressed that he would drive in a city they would not.  He grew up in Chicago-used to that sort of challenge.

Anyhoo, my pet peeve is people sitting in the left lane on highways.  Sadly, I live with one of these people - who lets me drive most of the time, thankfully.

One mo' thang, please please be careful on those secondary roads.  In DOT parlance, "farm-to-market" roads - they are exactly what this implies:  trails made by wagon or horse that were just paved when the technology came along.  They are usually not contoured (superelevation, for you non-DOT nerds) for the terrain properly so curves can be especially dangerous.  Secondary roads have a much higher accident and fatality rate. 

Oops, my Drivers' Ed teacher would roll over in his grave....he insisted there was no such thing as accidents, all were preventable if people just paid attention.

The last few years we've done some major social engineering at Chez Eells. F'instance, my sweetie (an environmental planner) works out of the house. I am - if I haven't mentioned this - an At Home Dad.

The point being, we're both home all day with the Wee Heathen Horde (we have three). About the only driving I do is from home to the post office to the grocery store and home again. And I love it. Back in college I used to drive from Ohio to Colorado and back kinda just for fun (and for this woman I was really interested in at the time). But I don't drive to San Bernardino these days, twenty miles away, unless there's imminent risk of something I need being consumed by a biblical plague. Like my favorite kind of hard cider, at a shop "Down the Hill". Explain: everything is down the hill from Lake Arrowhead, so we call the entire world beyond our bucolic little burg's borders Down the Hill.

Still, even with the little bit of driving we do, I still put 10-15k a year on my obligatory family SUV with a DVD player in it. What would I do without Charlie Chaplin and the Marx Brothers during the occasional driving day...

Just got new tires in advance of winter. And today the lovely people at Pella windows arrive to put new windows in the entire house. And three new sliding glass doors. Which is just yet another thing that I didn't have to drive anywhere to accomplish. Those nice people will come up to your house and do all the hard work. All you have to do is pay them.

And here's a little known fact: the sense (as in, one of five) that one uses to drive a stick shift competently is called proprioceptivity. Roughly speaking, it's the skill you have when you know where all your parts in are space without looking - like your clutch and brake feet, stick shift hand, and steering hand.

And Olivia, you demonstrated superior proprioceptivity in Paris! I think I was there that day. How you managed to swerve and miss me, without wiping out that "Lame Ente" in your blind spot amazes me to this day. Good thing, too, since my floppingly dead arse would have really banged up your car. Pretty little vintage MG? I was too busy repenting of my Pedestrian's Foolhardy Courage to get a good look at the car.

My father lived by a number of axioms. One of them was "Never drive behind a man wearing a hat." He was referring not to today's ubiquitous baseball caps, but the slouch hats that were a necessary part of every man's wardrobe. His reasoning was that if someone was old enough to wear a hat as a part of his daily attire, he was too old to operate an automobile effectively.

The one thing that keeps me grounded and temperate on the road is a habit I picked up more than a dozen years ago. I look at each passing driver (trying to get a good view of their eyes) and think to myself, "Child of God." Amazing how that simple act removes the element of competition from navigating the roadways.

About the "alternate routes", aka the blue highways: While they have their certain charms, I find that traffic on them moves at two speeds:

The people behind you want to go faster than you do, and

The people in front of you want to go more slowly. 

Swaim,

If id didn't know better, I'd say you were my ex, who drives a 325 Ci and whose father has a Boxster.  In case you are, I will just say " Baby, please come back."

Having gotten that humiliation out of the way, I will tell the story told (as truth, yet) by my  preacher a few years ago. He had gone to Williams college and having graduated, bought himself the kind of car that causes envy in some people. He didn't actually SAY it was a Porsche, but he hinted pretty strongly. Anyway, he was living in New England and commuting across some mountains, usually revelling in the car's performance on all of those curves. Unfortunately, now and then, he would have to slow to a crawl because of  fog. One such foggy morning, he was crawling along when a woman in a beat up pickup truck came the other way. He figured it was either his being a man or a man with a fancy car that led her to snarl "PIG" as she passed. Being young ( and not yet a preacher) he hollered back "COW". He admitted to being very surprised when he rounded the next curve and saw a pig in the middle of the road. He wondered what she thought when she got a little farther, too.

He is driving on the Great Highway now, much too young to be there, but nobody cuts you off and the cops are the only ones with dodgy carburetors there. 

I drive thirty miles to and from work every day. It takes me almost an hour each way with traffic, much of it standing still for long stretches. You would think I'd have some really good pet peeves, but I really don't. And I used have tons. Hands down, my biggest was people who drove slow in the passing lane and bottlenecked traffic. 

I really love my drive, though. On the way to work, it's coffee time and music. On the way home, hair out of the bun, windows down, very loud music and possible flirting opportunities with other commuters in shiny red cars. Kidding.

I think the major thing that has soothed my driving nerves is that bumber to bumper traffic means time for texting and Twittering. So it's not waisted time! I guess that means I've REALLY matured.

I just really love to drive. Especially all by myself. It's my zone-out time. 

As far as traffic frustration, best scene ever, opening sequence of Office Space. That pretty much illustrates my mornings. 

My dad would say, "You would think a nice car like that would have turn signals".  Next to turn signals, tailgating drives me crazy!  Some of the cars I drive are quite small and when I check my rear view mirror all I see is a differential. 

Mark Swaim:  I have a '73 Kharmann Ghia, and its red.  And it's small.  These types of cars were great 30 years ago when the largest family mover was a station wagon.  Way to small now in heavy traffic.  Also, check out my reply to your question on Oct 11, I'm interested to know if you are familier with these two areas.  Thanks.

drdgscott, I've tried your approach and it usually works.  But then there are those who truly bring to mind that classic bumper sticker saying "Jesus Loves you...everyone else thinks you are an (insert expletive here)".

Noticed another pet peeve on my way to work this morning.  Unsecured loads.  There is a reason why you get fined if you haven't properly secured your load...YOU COULD KILL SOMEONE!!!  I had couch cushions fly off the truck in front of me and bounce off my windshield.  Luckily there was no wreck, but there could have been.

I noticed a lot of people being annoyed by slow drivers, I would rather have them driving slow and cautious than driving far above the speed limit and cause a wreck.  I LOVE speed, but I've also seen too many nasty accidents caused by people who drove too fast for conditions.  Most of my pet peeves are things that put people in danger, and coincidently they are mostly illegal activities as well.

Please, please, please you guys be safe on the roads, especially now that winter is on its way.

MissIve I know you secretly listen to the rap songs from the Office Space soundtrack during your commute to eliminate driving stress.  I can picture it in my head right now, just make sure your windows are rolled up ;)

Doc Nolan:  You hit the nail on the head when you said "The science of fluid dynamics and also chaos and complexity theory have a lot to say about traffic flow".  Ever been running down the highway at 70mph and traffic just suddenly comes to a crawl for a few miles, then gradually starts moving again?  Nothing but fluid dynamics at work.  Excellent

MissIve ~ I have a feeling that you have the need for some "Flair" at the end of each workday.

My grandmother freaked out if you got too close behind the logging trucks. I was told that when she & grandpa where young they were following a logging truck, one of the chains snapped & these huge logs where rolling off in front of them on the highway.  Grandpa always thought it was quite funny, Grandma however, it seems Not so much.....  

nachista:

Some of God's children can be pretty trying! Back in '81 I was hit head-on by a drunk driver who ruined my body (I used to look like Brad Pitt. Now I look like Jabba the Hut). My "behind the wheel mantra" speaks to my need to keep others in the right perspective especially when they have me in their sights. It doesn't do anything for them, but it helps keep my head straight. It's a head without a hat, by the way!

Rings90, on our next road trip together, you will see that I keep a secret glove compartment full of 'flair.' You know me well!

Nachista,

Oh, girl, I've got everything from Eminem to Handel and Paul Simon. All over the map. And the road. I get the feeling you are, too.  

Moronic or not it is a miracle that my face has not been displayed in every post office from Santa Monica to the Cape… only this morning I was cut off by the “zoom-and-sneak type” who found himself in the lane that was shut down by the impeding accident ahead.... I’m not sure how it happened but my car went on auto-pilot and swerved right up next to his and a spirit from my childhood erector set possessed my middle finger, disgusted with him and myself I have been drowning my sorrows in my daily venti bold. No hat and ashamed.

Yeah if I have it with me the ipod is on shuffle and you never know what is going to play next, so if you pull up to a black, POS toyota truck with the windows down blaring Turkish pop music...that's probably me head banging behind the wheel.  This morning on the 10 minute drive to work I head Katie Perry, Dollie Parton, and Aerosmith.

If I don't have my ipod and I'm alone I usually have the radio tuned to NPR, its soothing and informative.  If anyone can tell me at what point I became my mother, I'd really appreciate it.  If there is another person in the car I have an irresistable urge to channel flip, I'm lucky Sir Boyscout hasn't strangled me yet.

Did anyone else see the survey from Britain that asked drivers what they were listening too when they wrecked their cars or got tickets for speeding?  I believe the #1 song on the list was The Ride of the Valkyries.

Ahhhhhhhh click_action, you obviously missed the discussion on guilt!  I believe you were just passing on the international salute to bold drivers, yes that's the ticket.  Work with me here, I am trying to help you rationalize.  Honestly sometimes people need to know when they are being jerks. 

Half the time I don't realise I've done something stupid (like leaving a 1lb bag of M&Ms and a bottle of coke on top of the car...buh-bye road trip snacks) until someone honks or flips me off.

I recently returned from a month in Italy.  (I spent the trip attired almost exclusively in JPeterman, I might add, and received many compliments on my wardrobe.)  Of the 4 of us, I was the only one willing to drive the Italian roads.  30+ years in Manhattan sharing the roads with the homicidal cab drivers made me the only one with the nerves of steel necessary for the task.  Italian drivers love speed, see all traffic control signs as mere suggestions, and whatever "rules" of the road exist are optional (or subject to interpretation).

That being said, I still found driving in Italy less frustrating than in the US.  Why?  Although the Italian drivers were maniacs, it was not done out of a feeling of aggression against other drivers.  They were actually quite polite when interacting with the people who shared the roads.  Americans behind the wheel are just plain rude.

I only just today found PE....I was directed to read yesterdays post and found myself in the community discussion.... I'll park the quilt and let Richard Petty take wheel.

Welcome Click!  No guilt here, just honesty, opinions, and fun...oh and a large side helping of silliness on occasion.

MissIve, I blame you.  I have had "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta" stuck in my head since your post about Office Space.

Nachista,

See if this helps:

(a few more lines)

To all you Republicans, that helped me win

I sincerely like to thank you

Cuz now I got the world swingin' from my @#$%

And damn it feels good to be a gangsta

I hope you can just see me south of Eight Mile cruising to that song. I seriously have a death wish. At least I take the bun out of my hair first, though, right? 

Oh, I do have one pet peeve still. I'm the queen of etiquitte, in any arena. I hate it when I wave to people who let me in (which I ALWAYS do) and they just give me the 'look.' They're all like, "Whatevah, woman, just get the hell in and shut the hell up."  So rude. I just keep waving in a very animated way until they wave back. 

nachista-Yes, I drove all over France and in Paris, and loved it! Going round and round the Place de la Concorde, looking for my 'spoke' to ge to Versailles, was truly wonderful. I had the window flipped up on Fifi, my French blue Deux Chevaux, shouting and gesticulating with the best of them. "Animal! Cochon! Fou!" Very recreational. I drove through Genoa and Milano (surreal at 3 am, as in Night of the Living Dead) , Belfast, Corcaigh, Galway, and Dublin, and all the wee lanes between, spent many a while watching the sheep cross before me, drove in London and Edinburgh, Bruges (ethereal time-travel), Amsterdam (aka Crazytown lol), and all round the countryside in les Pays Bas, Munich, Vienna, Salzburg, Monaco (homeless, hungry people wandering the streets! Here! We bought an armload of batons and gave them out at stoplights-inconceivable...) and the Riviera (incredibly boring, gridlock), everywhere. The truly dangerous parts were in the Schwarzwald and northern Switzerland, for the scenery was so incredible I near ran off the road many times. I finally left wee Fifi with a friend at his hotel in Schaffhausen, later with friends in Daillens, and bought a Swissrail Pass, a wise decision. It included the Glacier Express, which no words can describe. We got lost in the French countryside, and kept passing orchards of ripening fruit-pears, peaches, apples, it was so beautiful. I finally couldn't take it any longer, and swerved off the tiny road, not much bigger than the car, and plucked a couple of peaches hanging over the fence. I felt so guilty, but they were as hard as baseballs. Two days later, though, they were so good, nearly orgasmic. Well, maybe not THAT good, but pretty darn good.

We were in Ulm to see and climb the steeple of the cathedral, but there was NO place to park even my wee Fifi. I drove round and round til I found a space literally only a few inches longer than the car, and decided that I would by god get her into it. It was right by the church, so it was prime if it was possible, and with me, ladies and gentleman, the possible versus impossible is always a challenge. I spent about ten minutes backing and filling and parallel parking with surgical precision, in total concentration. When Spouse (who developed an entirely new perspective on the creature just entered into holy vows with, I have no doubt) attempted to speak, I shouted "Shush, you! I'm concentrating here!". When the task was completed, successfully of course, I proceeded to collect meself to carry on. Only then did I notice we'd gathered a crowd, who gave me a polite round of applause before dispersing. I quickly waved, hopped out, and curtseyed to them, and so onward and upward.

Jonathan-I think I remember you-that gangly guy I nearly added to the bugs on my windscreen. Never saw a big fella move quite that fast, but I think the prospect of a chrome-plated enema concentrated the mind marvellously...hey, I just got new windows, too, and I'm still doing my Iron Maiden thing to get those young fellas to FINISH THE JOB. S'ok, I'm in no hurry to write the check, take as long as you want, boys. Windows are in, Mama just insists that you clean up your mess and make it all right. No worries, I'll get my way.

William-I am SO glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read your plea to Mark, it would certainly all have come out my nose. Great to see you boys have worked out that whole homoerotic thing-it's progress!

Great story about the pig, too. Really, though, very little can surprise one as much as driving down a back road in marshy east Arkansas, and encountering an ALLIGATOR strolling down the road. One can only be glad it was broad daylight, and marvel at life...

Mark, my Mini Cooper (code name Minnie, really imaginative) is an asphalt pocket rocket the like of which I never imagined when I bought her. She totally takes over my consciousness when I go with her, and we relive LeMans every day, scorning the sheeplike driving of ordinary mortals and pumping the norepinephrine sans cesse. I scrupulously observe all traffic laws except speed limits, and I'm shocked, SHOCKED, that I haven't gotten a ticket. Ever. Except for one, almost, but the young and handsome cop somehow forgave me, I don't know how it happened. Perhaps it was the tears, the recriminations, the doe-eyed look, the husky promise to be a good girl...

Right now I have Jeff Beck's new album, Oingo Boingo, Junior Senior, the Pipettes, the Police (ironic? don't think so), Amy Winehouse, and Lenny Kravitz on rotation when I roll. Nothing slow going on with this girl. Yippie kiyiyay!

Nachista,

I am told that there is a Chuck Prophet song that sounds exactly like  D, IFGtBAG. I like Chuck, but am not cool enuff 2B a gangsta. It isn't Freckle. I know that much...

She said you guys look like a couple of jackasses,

up there on stage in your dark glasses

I said Ray wore 'em, but she said
"He was blilnd.

Are you singin my sweet lord

or doing he's so fine?" 

The pure joy of driving and the ability to immerse myself into the tranquil pleasure of the open road are mine once again.

Sure, I used to get upset and frustrated by all of the incompetent and dangerous drivers I would encounter. Why, the veins in my neck would actually be on the verge of popping, my knuckles would turn blue from trying to choke the life out of my steering wheel, and I know that the echoes of my oh so many expletive laden rants will still be circling the upper atmosphere decades from now.

But that all changed after one simple phone call.

Yes, driving and tranquility became synonymous for me once again on the day I ordered my deluxe, roof mounted, swivel base "Bad Driver Instant Transporter Beam" from ACME.

With just a flick of my turn signal, annoying drivers and their cars are instantly dematerialized from wherever I am traveling and then safely rematerialized in a randomly selected, vacant parking lot that is miles away from anywhere.

Why, I can just feel the tension evaporate from my body as I calmly just fire away at will. Chronic lane changers,. . . no problem,. . . tailgaters, .... say hello to my leedle friend . . . . cigarette flippers, . . . . not on my highway.

Now its just me, my ACME "Bad Driver Instant Transporter Beam", and the always open road.

I highly recommend it.

Olivia...

A) You've given me cabin fever, I now have a terrible urge to drive to the airport and buy the first ticket I can find to Europe

B)I noticed Medre didn't make your list of shouted insults, its my favorite. 

C) BRUGES!!!  "Have you seen the canals?" "I AM a canal...woooooooo!" *gigglesnortgiggle*

D)Up with Corcaigh! Luff, LUFF that you spelled it correctly and not like some WALLY who doesn't understand Irish!

E)What did I say about guilt? *slaps Olivia's wrist with a wet noodle* I'm sure that farmer would have gotten great joy that his lucious peaches were thoroughly enjoyed.  Wait, that didn't sound right.

New song stuck in my head "Dead Man's Party"...Olivia you shouldn't have mentioned OB.

Since I started riding motorcycles I learned to drive like no one can see me.  Its the only way to stay alive on a bike.  I get soooo cheesed off when I see fellow motorcyclists lane-splitting, weaving in and out of traffic, drag racing other bikes, and being all-around dumbasses.  Them and their donor-cycles will end up as Splats! if they don't wise up. 

I love the thrill of my brother's R1 on canyon roads but I still drive with at least 2 brain cells firing at all times.  But I wear leathers, helmet, and sturdy boots and I don't pass on a double line or speed up on broken pavement to get through it quicker.  Sport bikes are fun but I think I'll stick with my little old cruiser, much easier on my back.

nachista-WORD, beyotch! Had lunch by the Bruges canals ein plein air-sublime.

Oh, yes, MERDE ET DOUBLE-MERDE was flung about wildly, also CON , CHAMEAU, SALOPARD, SALOPE, VACHE, FUMIER, CUL, LECHE-CUL!! Okay, gotta stop, laughing too hard. Jeez, don't get me started cussing in French...oops, too late!

Quel maniere a-t-envoyer chier quelqu'un, n'est ce pas? Degueulasse, mais tres amusant!

Here's more OB: "Little Girls", "On the Outside" (killer sax break), "Nasty Habits". ExPat would like "Capitalism". And that's just ONE ALBUM! They are so deliciously depraved, and rock hard! Oh yeah, I meant it that way...

B-52s are another great driving band. Rock Lobster forever! I get on B-52 and Boingo kicks, and that's all I can listen to for days until I burn out again.

I love Morphine too, but not for driving-they are soooooo downlow.

Hun, on a bike, no one CAN see you-you're invisible! Another facet of Miss Olivia-I rode Harleys for years, until the last time I was torpedoed in Memphis. Cartwheeling through the air, I knew it was over, but I woke up in a circle of concerned faces, everything intact. Rode that big bastard home and sold him asap. God he was hot, too-black and chrome, an old cop cycle bored out to 1000ccs, just a monster. I looked good in leather, uh-huh, but hey, I can still do that, only shorter...

Up the Corcaigh hurlers! Up Down, the Red and Blacks! Now there's sport for ye, lassie!

Hey, this great band just came up on my Pandora (If you haven't checked them out yet for internet radio, you are SOOOO backin up!). I'm actually in the the picture on this album cover, down front in the middle, red halter top, long brown hair and stoned look...um, that was LONG AGO, yeah, college and whatnot.

http://www.pandora.com/music/album/trapeze/you+are+music+were+just+band

One more thing, I forgot-

Long Live ZZ TOP, absolutely the BEST driving band ever! May they live, and boogie, forever.

Ok, I'm done-for awhile...

nachista,

actually, early mergers cause backups and traffic jams.  The highway designers never intended to have all that asphalt go unused; the most efficent use of the highway is to merge when the lane ends.

I live neat the Caldecott Tunnel in northern California.  It has four lanes in each direction, but only three two-lane bores, so one direction or the other is alwys shrinking from four lanes down to two. It was exhaustively discussed on the NY Times magazine back in August. 

Geez Olivia you bring back memories.  I was living in Corcaigh (Cork City for all you great southern jessies) in 1999 when they won the All Ireland.  You would have thought it was the second coming.  I heard people screaming, singing, crying, yelling.  I looked out my flat window onto my normally quiet street, and it was a seething mass of humanity.  A few hours later the Hurling team arrived into the city, sitting on TOP of their bus waving to the crowd. 

 I video taped some of it, it was insane.  There was a group of young kids sitting on top of a bus shelter and they were stinking drunk...saw them pass their bottle to the Garda standing below them and he takes a drink and hands it back.  I was stupefied...the kids couldn't have been older than 10.

Zenvelo I respectfully disagree.  If everyone merged as instructed and didn't slow down to rubberneck at the construction or accident or whatever, traffic would flow just fine.  Its when a late merger tries to slide in and then slams on the brakes, that everyone else gets slowed down too.  It is dangerous and rude to wait until the last possible minute to try and merge when everyone else has already done so and are keeping up the flow of traffic.

Up the Garda Siochana! Bugger off, all the jackeens...I remember that, nachista-we Irish know how to party, I'll tell ye that for nothin'...

I will admit the NEWEST idea for Traffic flow in this state are the "Vonderful, Vonderful" Round Abouts ~ I personally hate them ~ I am with Nachista that whenever Is ee them I hear Chevy Chase Saying Look Kids there's Big Ben, & There it is again & again & again & again.... 

I think part of the reason is they are all only 1 aisle wide & so you have to come to a stop anyway, so what exactly is the difference between the 4 way stop or light & these things? I feel like I am on a merry go round in some areas where every single block has one.

My Dad & Uncle had a friend who would drive straight through the middle of them. He could not figure out why the lanes weren't flat all the way through... . 

Rings, roundabouts are brilliant...much better for traffic flow than 4-way stops.  They just take a little practise.  When I first moved to Ireland my friend would let me take her Trooper out to run errands and she warned me about the couple up the street that had just moved there from Africa.  She said that only the husband drove and he didn't speak English, the Garda had tried to inform him with his wife interpretting about the proper way to drive a roundabout, because he had been driving straight over/through them.

I thought she was kidding.  A couple weeks later I had borrowed her car to do my shopping and I picked up her lads from school on the way back.  We were coming up on the Wilson roundabout and her boys just started yelling at me.  I couldn't figure out what was wrong when I looked straight up and saw this guy flying through the shrubs on the bank of the roundabout, heading straight for us as I was about to enter traffic.  I hit the gas and swerved left onto the sidewalk and he missed us by inches.  We got a close look at him as he flew by...white knuckle grip, eyes peeled wide open, and a manic grin.  It was the bus for me from then on. 

Olivia---yeah, looks like Willie and I have mancrushes on each other.

To all: all-time favorite driving song:

LIFE'S LIKE A MAYONNAISE SODA

AND LIFE'S LIKE SPACE WITHOUT ROOM

AND LIFE'S LIKE BACON AND ICE CREAM

THAT'S WHAT LIFE'S LIKE WITHOUT YOU

LIFE'S LIKE FOREVER BECOMING

BUT LIFE'S FOREVER DEALING IN HURT

NOW LIFE'S LIKE DEATH WITHOUT LIVING

THAT'S WHAT LIFE'S LIKE WITHOUT YOU

LIFE'S LIKE SANSKRIT READ TO A PONY

I SEE YOU IN MY MIND'S EYE STRANGLING ON YOUR TONGUE

WHAT GOOD IS KNOWING SUCH DEVOTION

I'VE BEEN AROUND---I KNOW WHAT MAKES THINGS RUN

WHAT GOOD IS SEEING-EYE CHOCOLATE

WHAT GOOD'S A COMPUTERIZED NOSE

AND WHAT GOOD WAS CANCER IN APRIL

WHY NO GOOD---NO GOOD AT ALL

WHAT GOOD'S A WAR WITHOUT KILLING

WHAT GOOD IS RAIN THAT FALLS UP

WHAT GOOD'S A DISEASE THAT WON'T HURT YOU

WHY NO GOOD, I GUESS, NO GOOD AT ALL

WHAT GOOD ARE THESE THOUGHTS THAT I'M THINKING

IT MUST BE BETTER NOT TO BE THINKING AT ALL

A STYROFOAM LOVER WITH EMOTIONS OF CONCRETE

NO NOT MUCH, NOT MUCH AT ALL

WHAT'S GOOD IS LIFE WITHOUT LIVING

WHAT GOOD'S THIS LION THAT BARKS

YOU LOVED A LIFE OTHERS THROW AWAY NIGHTLY

IT'S NOT FAIR, NOT FAIR AT ALL

                                                 Lou Reed, What's Good

I've seen just about every type of driver known to man and woman on L.A.'s freeways. The best was a woman who was tailgating me at about 75 mph in the multiple passenger lane of the 10 Freeway.  She was honking for me to get over or go faster....eventually I did change lanes when it was safe. She then picked up considerable speed and past me. The I saw that she had a cell phone in the crook of neck, a cup of coffee in one hand and with her other hand she was putting her make-up on using the rear view mirror for guidance.  She had to have been using her knees to control the steering wheel. She was obviously someone's girl friend, wife, sister, mother....did they know what she was doing?

My pet peeve are the drivers who see me on my road bike in the bike lane and decide to come as close as they can to me.  That's a citation for them if caught with a large fine....but they don't seem to care.

I think that usually it's the mildest people, the people who have no authority or self-esteem, who are the worst offenders.  Getting behind the wheel of a lethal weapon must give them a sense of power......Freud would probably understand it.

Nobody gonna take my car
Im gonna race it to the ground
Nobody gonna beat my car
Its gonna break the speed of sound
Oooh its a killing machine
Its got everything
Like a driving power big fat tyres
And everything

I love it and I need it
I bleed it yeah its a wild hurricane
Alright hold tight
Im a highway star

Nobody gonna take my girl
Im gonna keep her to the end
Nobody gonna have my girl
She stays close on every bend
Oooh shes a killing machine
Shes got everything
Like a moving mouth body control
And everything

I love her I need her
I seed her
Yeah she turns me on
Alright hold on tight
Im a highway star

Nobody gonna take my head
I got speed inside my brain
Nobody gonna steal my head
Now that Im on the road again
Oooh Im in heaven again Ive got everything
Like a moving ground an open road
And everything

I love it and I need it
I seed it
Eight cylinders all mine
Alright hold on tight
Im a highway star

Nobody gonna take my car
Im gonna race it to the ground
Nobody gonna beat my car
Its gonna break the speed of sound
Oooh its a killing machine
Its got everything
Like a driving power big
Fat tyres and everything

I love it and I need it
I bleed it
Yeah its a wild hurricane
Alright hold on tight
Im a highway star
Im a highway star
Im a highway star

Hey, Olivia, we are all very secure and Neopolitan around here, aren't we?  I mean cosmpolitan, or, Metro, or Retro or something. Let's just put it this way, after I check out Swaim's car, I think the fit of your leathers would interest me more than his. But hey, I'm secure. Is that  cigarette ash on your blouse?  Let me get that for you.

Here's a little highway song from the Car Talk album, author unknown, but certainly  entitled to be called a genius in France:

I drive an old Peugeot, but I don't speak French

I carry jumper cables, I carry a wrench

It quits when its raining, it stalls when it's dry

And the damn thing blew up on the fourth of July

Yippi Ti Ki Yay, Parlez Vous Francais?

Yippi Ti Ki Yo, Can you fix my Peugeot? 

Olivia: I am holding my breath until you tell me the color of the Mini Cooper. British racing green perhaps?

Nachista: The other picture was, uh, like, better.

PeterLake: I need to get me one of those.

OncDoc: I think the cardinal rule of behavior in Italy is that if it isn't forbidden, it's allowed. (Unlike in, say, Germany, where if it's not allowed, it's forbidden). The best-selling brand of cigarettes in Italy is "STOP!" (it kinda means "GO!")

mark swaim,

Reminds me of T.H. White's "All things not expressly forbidden are mandatory" from the Once and Future King.

I wish Americans drove like Europeans. Slow traffic actually gets out of the way of faster traffic - especially on two lane roads. The uniquely American attitude "How DARE you pass me?!" doesn't apply. The assumption in Europe is that the the other driver is competent, in American its that the other driver is incompetent. Both are largely true...

 Cell phone drivers should be shot on sight!

Zorba I agree.  I don't mind slow drivers, but they should be courteous and get out of the way.

Mark I'm just taking a cue from PeterLake and changing things up ;)

In Texas, if one gets a moving violation (with some exceptions) it's possible to get 'deferred ajudication' by going to 'driver's school'.  The offense doesn't go on one's 'permanent record' (yes, that was a scam in high school, but the state really DOES keep records of one's driving offenses!). 

I highly recommend going to the full-day driver's course!  (I recently graduated with honors after doing a right turn on a stop sign without fully -- ahem -- coming to a complete stop.)

I'm dead serious!  Folks worry about terrorism, murderers, asteroids, lightning, and a host of other catastrophic end points.  Actually more deaths occur due to car deaths than to any of these... caveat!

Wow, Lou Reed, Nachista in leathers, dueling german car owners and more.  Driving one of those toasters, yes you all know them, I regularly fight my way through the rush hour traffic.  My boss came in this morning with a new Porsche Cayenne, but thats another story.

30 years ago I had a mercedes of mysterious pedigree, my dad had bought it and I got it after a year or two in college.  We found out it was a 1964-1968 depending on what serial you ran.  It was a great car as long as no one stepped on the rear floors hard and it was above 0 degrees.  It was followed by a VW bus.  My dream is the BMW 2002 or Captain's Karman Ghia.

My wife is a british car fan, she had triumphs.  All these wonderful old cars and now subarus and toyotas for commuting, hauling kids and visiting parents.  Thank got for duct tape and breakdown lanes back then.

The three state ride on the interstate this weekend provided lots of speed ups and slow downs.  The one in front is always going too slow and the one behind too fast.  I try to stay between 75 and 78 in a left lane, I yield to faster cars, they keep the cops interested.  And I am the one with the Grateful Dead turned up full.

Doc: I have been through bad driver's school twice in Texas, both times for going 90ish in the desert. When you're in the desert, and you can see miles in front of you and miles behind, and the roads are literally unoccupied, what difference does it make? I wasn't driving 90 recklessly.

I don't recall details, but I remember reading once that one of the western states had a speeding coupon policy for the desert or for wide open spaces. It was something along lines of, say, 50 bucks buys you five coupons. You could pony up a coupon to Office Friendly if you were pulled over in desert(ed) areas.

food and cars.

Who said we were all a bunch of clothes horses?

oh, and tunes.

Party on, eyesters. 

Well, after casting my vote for tailgating as being my biggest pet peeve, I started to really think about the travails of my commute and came up with what, for me. is possibly an even bigger one (it's not exactly a driving habit, but it is something that causes me to mutter uncharitably about some of my fellow drivers):

Being stuck in snail's pace traffic here in L.A. and being subjected to the various and sundry car sticker slogans that preach things like "practice random acts of kindness" or "catch and release wild trout" or words to that effect. It's not that I disagree with these sentiments, on the contrary, I like to think of myself as being an upstanding and decent legal alien. In fact, I completely and categorically agree with such notions. However, I am less than thrilled by being reminded of how best to behave, by some self-righteous twit on the freeway.

Then there are those impossibly cute, little rear-windscreen decals with the stick-figure family members and their miscellaneous pets. Those just make me wild! Am I alone?

No doubt I'll think of more...

CM

A ( no doubt pirated) drawing of Waterson's Calvin expressing his opinion of some Nascar driver's number, demonstrating bio- fluid dynamics.

If I were to affix a black and yellow "Baby On Board" sign in all my car windows, would that render my car impervious to all crashes?

Peter in Peterman,

You are not alone with decal/bumper sticker thing. 

The more bumper stickers I see on a vehicle, the further I back I stay.  Why, if I really wanted their opinions, . . . I would have just beat it out of them;) . . . just venting....

Peter in Peterman, I agree the look-how-cute-my-stick-figure-family-is decals are vomitous indeed, but that's coming from a current non-breeder.  How do you feel about ironic bumper stickers, say like: "I saw elvis making crop circles" and "Buckle up: it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car" or "Miltant Agnostic: I don't know and you don't either"? 

Some vanity plates get me "Mrs Bob"...who cares?  I like the ones that are like word puzzles "IDV8" "LCVS" etc.

Greetings:  Bumper stickers I have recently seen

I never thought I'd miss Nixon.     Beer is now cheaper than gas. Drink, don't drive!     Rehab is for quitters     West Virginia: One million people, and 15 last names     Senior Citizen: Give me my damn discount!

I saw a great bumper sticker while out today. I was trying to remember it to share, but I forgot. Shite and onions!

I went to the Clinton School lecture today-Michael Kaiser, President of the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. Amazing! What was it my granddaddy used to say? It's really too 'earthy' to repeat, so I will, of course. He'd say "I been to two horse-f**kings and a house fire, and I ain't seen nothing like 'at. It was damn good!"

Ahem, back to some semblance of decorum...anyway after that I hit the lady sales and Williams Sonoma, had dinner (table for one) on the terrace at a new restaurant, very nice, lovely evening to be outdoors, thought of all of y'all and wished you could share this lovely experience. *putting on glasses, wrinkling nose* let's see, to business...

Mark-Minnie is black, with a black and white checkerboard roof. The only one I've ever seen. Certainly the only one in Arkansas.

PETER!!! NO NO NO!  It's 'everything not forbidden is compulsory'. That is SO 'not done', you pismire you! Just kidding...kiss kiss, all better.

Deep Purple-have you checked out Ritchie Blackmore lately? He is so all NEW AGE, you'd PUKE!

Zorba-Drivers in Ireland are CRAZY. If there's a center lane, both sides use it for overtaking, and games of chicken are routine.  High speeds on blind curves are par for the course, as are horrendous crashes. In Italy and France, there ARE no rules. It's like Republicans-the only crime is getting caught.

Cell phone users are criminals, and so are those who don't secure their pets or children. People who drive slow in the fast lane should be chased down and horsewhipped.

Willie-Why Sir, I...I don't know what to say! Ash, no, that wasn't ASH! I DO NOT smoke, dear, but thank you for your solicitude. And I ensure that my leathers fit WELL, thanks...

ExPat-I agree with your analysis!

Whew! Some catching up!

Hey...I'm a great driver and I'm always wearing a hat. Usually a fedora. There's exceptions to every rule ya know.

Never drive fast in a parking lot.

The only time I ever flipped somebody off, the guy followed me, on my butt, for about twenty miles, glaring at me all the way. Even after I got off the freeway. He looked like a serial killer in my mirror. I don't do that anymore.

Olivia,

Not a pismire . . . rather a Titmouse, Baeolophus bicolor, a small songbird from North America, a species in the tit and chickadee family (Paridae).

These birds have grey upperparts and white underparts with a white face, a grey crest, a dark forehead and a short stout bill; they have rust-coloured flanks. The song is usually described as a whistled peter-peter-peter. They make a variety of different sounds, most having a similar tone quality.

Peter-Peter-Peter: Thank you! I was kidding about the pismire, anyway-just linking to the T H White ant parable...

Peter-Peter-Peter: The wienermobile? I was expecting a Titmouse picture, AND an explanation of that name...titmouse. I'm dying to hear your take on it!

NOTE: I had to copy & paste this update a day late, as I think it JUST closed as I was about to Post under Pitt.  THAT'S THE PITS!!! So SORRY. . . . Now that I AM here on THIS Forum, I see AT FIRST GLANCE that Olivia is ALSO QUESTIONNING Peter's hot dog!??? I'm pondering the range of symbolism is your choice of altered Avatar, Peter! . . . I didn't even NOTICE the web was GONE, last night as I wrote on here. I only JUST saw that, unsure of even WHEN it changed; the WHY intriguing me EVEN MORE.  I have comtemplated changing my avatar to include CeeBee with 'Mommy', as we are SO intertwined as souls, that bird & I!  I have TEN photos, of me and me with CeeBee, on my OKCupid Profile (SpiritualComic)! Your web avatar, with comtemplative spider observing all the goings on from that stealthy vantage point, signifying your WEBSITE perhaps, was much CLEARER to me.  Here I am, VERY exhausted at the end of a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG day which I began with VERY little sleep. . . . My head will NOT work well, tonight, so I will leave the day's NEW Forum (about TRAFFIC I think . . . ?) for another day or energy level to present itself.  Peter, your above comment to me stating my "way too generous comments". . . . Is that referring to my generosity of spirit and heart, or the SHEER VOLUME of WORDS that click off of these fintertips from keyboard to website. . . ?  I am often uncertain if I am being praised or chastened; I am a fairly equal recipient of BOTH. . . . THANK YOU Peter AND Mark Swaim for keeping me in your thoughts regarding this day of jobhunting.  CeeBee and I live rather on THE HEAD OF A PIN and yet that is PRECISELY WHY my FAITH has grown to such an ability of joyful abandonment that I could not have managed or withstood several months prior.  I was up (again!) at 4 AM; ate a bowl of oatmeal-with-honey, tried to 'dress the part' of desire and enthusiasm for the possible employ that was barely there in truth for this necessary endeavor. I went out into the dark of the cold, damp morning, waited at the city bus stop (I cannot afford a car, although I drive and have a license), and was at the door of my first interview of a terribly long day by 7:40 AM, waiting for them to open the door (to opportunity, if you will).  That did NOT seem to go WELL at all, and I set out in cold drizzle to continue searching for the NEEDED ANSWER, PRAYING for GUIDANCE as I WENT, knowing that I MUST speak to the landlady (who ALSO is my close friend, Nicci), about my thoughts regarding the middle of the month being here so quickly and October rent still not one cent paid. I OWE her that; not simply the RENT, as a tenant; for ME, MORESO the ANSWER from me about MEETING this most necessary obligation, as she has 'stood in the gap' for me over THIS one in having to answer to HER boss about all delinquent renters (of which I am NOT alone, unsurprising given the current financial climate).  I have hurt MORE for my having CeeBee and Nicci IN this situation WITH me than for ANY and ALL discomforts I feel for MYSELF! While out jobhunting on foot and by bus through the long day, I stopped and picked up TWO MORE Rx for CeeBee from his pet-iatrician.  He has NEVER been PLAGUED with health issues THIS way, before, and it is VERY difficult for ME to DEAL with.  I TRY to concentrate on our happy times, for him as for me, and go forward toward the unknown outcome that I CANNOT CONTROL BUT WANT TO.  People  have told me that BIRDS do NOT 'giggle'. . . . Well, CeeBee DOES; a testimony to living his entire life on this earth with a 'Mommy' that thinks a good GIGGLE each day is ALMOST as VITAL as AIR and PRAYER!  I digress (moreso than USUAL), but I TRULY am EXHAUSTED emotionally and physically at the moment, yet I wanted to log in to thank you, Peter and Mark, for BEING HERE for me as ANY affirmation and affection that is SINCERE (as it IS with both of YOU, for CeeBee & I) feels so HEALING and HELPING and . . . WONDERFUL and WARMING!  I didn't want you two to worry if I had just gone on to bed and not Posted, that the day was tragically bad here.  I kept reminding God that I am his (feeling very) little child, with my hand in His, EXPECTING Him to Lead me to where He thinks is BEST for me for NOW, and then putting one foot in front of the other with a resting in His Love for me more than in my own actual abilities.  Today, apparently GRACE and ABILITY finally converged, in some way.  By 8 PM, TONIGHT, I had been hired for a temporary SEASONAL position that should help secure our roof, at least, through the approaching winter chill (& Holiday season, the very NATURE of which ALWAYS seems to AMPLIFY WHATEVER we are feeling, going through, hoping, or WISHING), AND, the store manager that was not very receptive FIRST THING THIS AM, called later in the day and left me a voicemail to call him back in the morning if I still am open to considering a PART TIME position at his business.  Having the entire work schedule given to me this evening for the SEASONAL  position (a combination Customer Service and data entry job with a nationally known local business), I can now entertain what is MOST LIKELY to BE an actual job OFFER from this businessman who called back to pursue it with me, knowing my hours of availability for HIS CASHIER position in an office products business, as his VM stated "if (I were) interested in PART TIME".  SO! CeeBee's 17th birthday is November 14th, and I HOPE he is feeling BETTER by then. . . and I want to get him a new toy to entertain him, as 'Mommy' will likely be VERY busy throughout the end of this year learning TWO NEW JOBS and companies and trying to secure our roof and catch up on our bills. I ALSO REALLY WANT to get him a REAL Christmas tree THIS year, rather than plug in the sweet, tiny little electric 'Charlie Brown' tree of CeeBee's that he DOES LOVE but that can't hold his bell- and bird- ornaments.  Uncertain of almost ANYTHING about our lives right now, I want to be sure I give CeeBee EVERY POSSIBLE HAPPINESS that I am ABLE to afford him, because I KNOW, I SEE, that we may not always have with us our most cherished loved ones so we should honor and celebrate them in every way we can every chance we get, and try NOT to take them for GRANTED!  Love IS the 'HAPPY DANCE' of Life!!! CeeBee has TAUGHT ME so MUCH! About LOVE, FORGIVENESS, SHARING, DEEP LAUGHTER, CLOSENESS; VULNERABILITY and the COURAGE it takes to ALLOW that when it is SO uncomfortable in order to HONOR the one and that relationship shared which creates that TERRIFYING EMOTION within us. CeeBee even TAUGHT ME to LOVE and APPRECIATE Classical Music!!! I was all about Stevie Ray Vaughan, the Eagles, George Benson, Savage Garden (their song "To The Moon and Back" is my LIFE in a song. The FIRST TIME I EVER heard it, I was actually performing on stage as an exotic dancer, and was SO OVERWHELMED to hear ME in a HEARTSONG I wept black mascara down my face as I continued to dance to it on the stage).  CeeBee likes KVNO Classical music on his radio, and I HATED HEARING IT the first few years we were together. I only allowed him to have that on when I was LEAVING the apartment to go to work or out of earshot somewhere.  Little by little, I began to let it stay on as I peeled potatoes to make our suppers, etc., and EVENTUALLY I came to LOVE it; many times now in de-stressing I PREFER it on the CD player; I allowed CeeBee a membership in the Musical Heritage Society in years past, and he has MANY classical CDs now which he GLADLY shares with 'Mommy'.  I STILL like funky, sexy, bluesy music MOST, I THINK, and, CeeBee STILL deliberately sings OFF KEY if I play that stuff, unless it is our Boz Skaggs that we dance to together in the livingroom; both of us 'shaking our tailfeathers' in sync--- so CUTE! Sigh!  There are ONLY 11 weeks left in this year, and I WANT THEM ALL to be HAPPY for CeeBee.  His MAIN happiness comes SIMPLY FROM OUR BEING TOGETHER AND SHOWING ONE ANOTHER THE DEPTH OF LOVE WE FEEL!!! I am SO blessed! . . . Thank you, both of you gentlemen, again, for 'crossing fingers for us' (Mark Swaim) and letting me know that we are in your thoughts (Peter). . . . What is WITH the switch to HOT DOG?  Because I am detail-oriented those types of things EAT away at me. . . . Is that Oscar Mayer Weiner REALLY what you'd REALLY LIKE TO BE??? I THINK that is the commercial.  I am TOO TIRED now to possess ANY wit or charm; I am (I THINK; I HOPE) OFF TO BED now. . . . Sweetest of dreams, dear ones. . . . ISN'T GOD GOOD?!?!?!? : )

P.S. to Peter: I just re-read your closing line above.  Nice sentiment as a thought, but though I LOVE Omaha as rather my adopted "Home Town", mostly because of my FRIENDS here,  I am more and more sure that it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY my HOPES, DREAMS, and WISHES will EVER be fulfilled HERE, as THIS town has BEEN in DIRE need of SPIRITUAL REVIVAL for a LENGTHY TIME, now, AND, MAINLY . . . because I am so AWARE that MOST citizens here are NOT aware but have chosen to live unthinkingly and on autopilot and with a 'herd mentality'.  MOST PEOPLE HERE LIVE COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUSLY (reference Cheryl Richardson's books here if need be) and feel NO need to do otherwise.  I live V-E-R-Y consciously (even, as you know, STREAM OF CONSCIOUS-ly, much like Faulkner's works), and I cannot COEXIST in my personal life and home and passions with people who are UNCONSCIOUS through life! So, FROM YOUR MOUTH TO GOD'S EARS, but to stay in Omaha, ultimately, I believe, is to acknowledge my home will EVER remain intimately shared with none but CeeBee and God, but if so, is nevertheless a wonderful sharing, if a bit unrequited for my normal womanly passions AND my 'career goal' of Homemaking. Life is NEVER going to be ALL I WANT it to; I JUST WISH it would get CLOSER--- just enough so that I could actually EXPERIENCE what LIVING ONE OF MY DREAMS REALLY FEELS LIKE!

Well!  It was certainly fun to voyeuristically listen to ALL OF YOU, sitting in your cars, honking your horns, cranking up your music, and HOWLING AT THE HUNTER'S MOON this night! I don't think I noticed anyone in this DRAG RACE AROUND PETERMAN'S EYE spitting out 'chew'. . . . Clearly I MISSED this street party, but I am very glad to see this heady mirth so contagious among you all! Oscar Meyer actually promotes their 'dog' by having some company employees drive around our country in that weiner-mobile thing.  Is that avatar of Peter's his new WHEELS or his new MEALS?  Oops! Gotta go again! The light's changed AND my somebody's flipping me off for not movin' . . . . I FEEL THE LOVE, man! I FEEL the LOVE!  It's a FULL MOON night, and NOBODY spoke of going up with their 'spark plug' to LOOKOUT POINT, USA, to REALLY SEE WHAT THIS BABY CAN DO (NOT the CAR)?   

Olivia,

For reason unbeknownst to me, the word "pismire" sent a wake up call through the cobwebs of my memory warehouse to an old "Curb Your Enthusiasm" episode. Larry David, who had already dug himself into a deep hole, used that term, innocent as it was, to only end up digging himself deeper into the whole. He reminds me a lot of me that way.

p.s., you increased my vocabulary by one word yesterday (pismire). I can't wait to use it in a sentence. Say hey to Kermit for me.

Candle Light

When it comes to changing my avatar, it's usually just a spur of the moment thing but on some days, the discussion will remind me of a photograph and I'll use that (usually a day late).  For the most part, I'm not "a man with a plan".  I just take photgraphs.

When I said you were too generous with your praise, it was meant as a compliment to you, certainly not a criticism.

Be well

Peter, always glad to be of service. I'll make you a chocolate malt with a sidecar sometime...