Laidlaw's Money Soaked World Daily Mail - UK Lord Laidlow,a multimillionaire who was appointed to the House of Lords in 2004, admitted he was addicted to sex after being secretly filmed with four prostitutes and a male gigolo in the £6,000-a-night presidential suite of Monte Carlo's sumptuous Hermitage Hotel.
Isabel Allende's Gloriously Dysfunctional Family Telegraph You would expect an incredibly successful novelist to have an enviable life, but then you haven't met her family. Let's just say they're less than perfect.
Coveting Thy Neighbor’s Condo The New York Times Construction Envy seems to be gaining in the Envy Chain and there are a few telltale signs to see you are afflicted.
May 13, 2008
You can’t open a magazine, or watch TV, without seeing beautiful, rich, perfect people that, no matter how “perfect” our lives are, seem to lead even more perfect ones.
The people that came up with the 7 Deadly Sins, an evolving classification of vices that were originally used in early Christian teachings, knew how important Envy is— sandwiching it between Wrath and Pride. Surely Envy is the one we are least likely to own up to because it typecasts us as ungenerous, mean, small-hearted, insecure and less than perfect ourselves.
I personally will admit to some of it if you will. Thanks.
Leave it to William Shakespeare to coin the phrase, in Macbeth. “O, beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-ey'd monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on…”
Jealousy and Envy didn’t have studies like “The Psychology of Jealousy and Envy” to tell them apart in those days, so the phrase just stuck.
Helmut Schoek, in his seminal tome on Envy, "A Theory of Social Behavior," notes that Envy, to qualify, must have a strong touch of malice behind it and manifests itself in three phases.
The first phase is basically benign and no fun at all, so we can skip to the second phase and get to the malice part. Like resenting the good fortune of another, and wishing your opponent lands in a sand trap or wishing your rival at work freezes in a meeting, or wishing someone you know loses his entire fortune in the stock market. (You’ll commiserate appropriately.)
Aeschylus, in 500 BC, probably got to the heart of it when he wrote: “It is in the character of very few men to honor without Envy a friend who has prospered.” Gore Vidal put it another way: “Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies.”
If we own up to it at all, the second phase is as far as most of us go. If it graduates to the third phase, when you choose to help those wishes along, it could mean a longer phase away from home. And your trial splashed on Tru TV. Which will be a consolation to the people that had previously envied you.
Now that we can see where envy leads, there are a few things you can do to keep this feeling under control. Whenever it rears its ugly head, I usually think of some successful, beautiful people I’ve know that are not deliriously happy. And I do believe those who have everything in the world, sometimes, lose the capacity to enjoy what they have...“What, caviar, again?” And if the marriage seems a little boring after six months, no problem. There's another beautiful person out there.
Tell me what works for you; perhaps you'll provide some enviable answers.
Share your opinion Print Email
Share your thoughts about an event or topic discussed in Peterman’s Eye; if you’re not a member yet (you need to be), use the Sign Up.
Jealousy Vs. Envy luc.edu Jealousy and envy differ. We often say that we are jealous when we are actually envious. Both jealousy and envy concern the possession of something — an object, a situation, a quality, a relationship with a person, etc. — and both can be selfish or unselfish. Even so, they come at possession from opposite directions.
Where Envy Ranks deadlysins.com From the most serious to least: pride, envy, anger, sadness, avarice, gluttony, and lust.
Aeschylus and His Tragedies theatrehistory.com The real "father of tragedy" Aeschylus has been justly termed, certainly deserving this title far more than Thespis, for he it was who, as Aristophanes says, "first decked out tragedy with magificence."
DreadPirateRoberts said...
My dear Mr. Peterman, please forgive me for pointing this out in public but the "green-eyed monster" quote is from OTHELLO, not MACBETH.
As for the main topic at hand, I am very fond of the Muslim saying that you should wish for your brother the same fortune that you would wish for yourself. By the same token, I have always strongly opposed Attila the Hun's notion that "It is not enough that I succeed; all my friends must fail."
This does NOT mean that I am immune to envy. Far from it.
An old friend and colleague of mine has recently been back in touch with me after a long time of going our own way. He is an actor of increasing success. Not a star but making his living exclusively from his chosen profession which is a rare treat indeed. After the money he made from the enormously successful UGLY BETTY permitted him to move to L.A., he recently wrote me that he is doing a movie with Jonathan Pryce. I replied that, as I adore Mr. Pryce, I was very envious just as I was envious of my friend for making his living from the profession we had both embraced when young. My friend took this to mean that I was upset with him for writing about his success and wished he would stop. But he was mistaken; I feast my eyes on these letters. My envy is my own. But I am always delighted when those who are dear to me do well.
If Gore Vidal's statement was sincere, then I say he was misusing the word "friend". For no true friend can ever feel that way. We may teeter on the brink of envy without falling into the abyss of outright resentment.
ExPat said...
I've often found the prime motivators of extremely bad behavior in business and personal life is anger and fear. It can make for a bitter business rival and the opportunity to engage in all manner of dishonest conduct. But I think that envy may be the prime motive. It may be a hidden motive, perhaps even unknown to the person himself.
I think envy may be a hidden motive in many things. If I want success in business or the trappings that success can bring is it based on envy of someone who has those things already? Probably so. In that case, envy can be turned into something constructive, but if not, then envy becomes fear, anger, and ultimately hate.
The Muslim fruitcakes who attacked the World Trade Center are a good example of what I mean. Obviously, they're full of hate. Their hate is based on anger and fear. But beneath it all is envy. They are envious of the West's success. We have a representative democracy, we have a free enterprise system, and we have freedom and liberty. Our only dress code, if not modesty, is at least common decency. We can be non-religious if we wish.
We can freely express ourselves, especially in a forum like Peterman's Eye, which is not monitored by a 1984-like censorship committee. Or the "Brain Police" as Frank Zappa once said.
Perhaps they should turn their envy into a journey that will bring them to the 21st century and a rational and compassionate humanity. But I suspect that they are not aware of "envy" as their true motive. The fear and anger which has turned to hate has buried it.
And when I compete in a triathlon, I love it when a person faster than me slips and falls and I get an advantage. Of course, that means just about half the people running have to slip and fall......now that's a sweet dream based on the greenest envy.
I once heard a joke about the difference between an American and a European that might illustrate envy. When an American sees a person in an expensive car, he asks himself "how do I get a car like that?" When a European sees a person in an expensive car he asks "how do I get him out of that car?" perhaps that illustrates in a simplistic way using envy to get what you want instead of using envy to take something away from someone.
And I know there's a Freudian theory of "envy" which is best left for another day.....................Hey, perhaps that motivates the terrorists, too.
Heiress said...
Envy is useful. It's means there's something you ought to be doing, that you're not doing yet.
You can discover new & exciting things about yourself. Fun!
ExPat said...
To: Heiress:
I'm not against a little envy to create a passion for achievement. I'm not opposed to the basic premise of "greed is good" either. We should not only try to achieve the same but also try to achieve more. It's not enough to invent a better mouse trap, you need to invent one that works better, too.
If you're an artist/musician do you want to be like everyone else or do you want to be better? Business, for me, is creative art. Aim for the stars and you'll surely reach the moon.
Ask someone if it's easier to make $10,000 or $100,000. They'll probably say $10,000. But it's easier to make $100,000 because, if that's your goal, then along the way you'll make the $10,000 you needed. If your goal is $10,000 you'll always just about make it because that's your self-imposed limitation.
I think I agree with you: envy is useful and envy is fun!
ExPat said...
I meant to say that business is an art form: the art of the deal, that is, not "creative art".